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M.E.N.D. 1998 Guestbook
The following
entries were submitted by guests during 1998. After reading these
entries, you can click here to close the book.
Holly Arce · from
Fort Worth, TX
Jan 6, 1998 · 13:59
Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary-wife of student
Email Address: SJArce@aol.com
Lynne Tuck · from NC
Jan 6, 1998 · 14:26
I found your page while looking at pages through the Empty
Arms Ring!! I jusy lost a baby right before Thanksgiving!! This is the 4th child I have
lost and it seems like it was harder to bear this time!! I have been through the panic of
subsequent pregnancy checking for spotting each time I had to use the bathroom and holding
my breath as each day came and went!! Although I do have 3 healthy sons, the loss of the
others is no less painful!! I invite you to visit the page for My Little Angel at
http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Marina/6364/page4-2.html and view the poem I wrote!! I
wish I had found your page sooner!! There is a lot of wonderful information here and I
will bookmark it and come back often!!
Email Address: redhot_f@hotmail.com
Monica Hudson · from
Mattoon, IL
Jan 7, 1998 · 21:53
I helped my sister deliver her Son , Cade William on Jan.
1st, 1998. We had known Cade was gone for 18 days. The last movement she remembers was at
11:45 on Dec. 13th. We went to the Emergency room first thing on the 14th. After finding
that Cade was gone, her Doctor refused to induce her labor. She feels fortunate she was
allowed the extra time carrying Cade. I thought it was cruel-my own personal opinion. We
held him and loved him after he was born. He was beautiful-despite the decomposition. He
weighed 3 lbs 7 1/2 oz. and had lots of dark hair just like His Mother's. I hope no one is
offended that I have written Cade's story. You see I feel his loss as if her were my own.
Kristy's Fiancee left her when she was 2 months pregnant so I have been with her
throughout the entire pregnancy and have experienced all of the ups and downs that come
with pregnancy. She had a perfect pregnancy until Cade stopped moving. As we delivered
him, our special nurse Emma gave the reason for losing him. His cord was very short. She
was completely shocked he was able to survive as long as he did. Our Cade is in Heaven His
stay was not long he opened our eyes that life is not kind sometimes and love does not
stop at the edge of this world this to us is his beauty unfurled We'll love you forever
Our dear precious boy Ill see you in Heaven, my sweet If anyone would like to discuss any
loss, it would be a comfort to us. e-mail: monicah@advant.com
Email Address: monicah@advant.com
Leshia M. Nelson · from
Burley, Idaho
Jan 8, 1998 · 17:21
Again, thanks are sent your way for having such a place for
families who have lost a child. We lost our first born baby, Shelby Rosa on November 16,
1997. She was born on November 13, 1997 after a very difficult delivery. She was a very
large girl, 8lb 4oz with big shoulders. We are going through alot of anger. I did all the
right things and everything was short of perfect up until the last 45 minutes of delivery.
She lost to much oxygen. What pain this has brought and what awakening too. We have
already seen life in a total different light now. These pages have literally saved my
sanity. Being able to read and take in what others have gone through, helps. All Gods love
to each of you who hurt. Leshia
Email Address: NelsonLe@tfsd.k12.id.us
Kimberly Stackhouse · from
Edgewood, Maryland
Jan 9, 1998 · 14:22
I lost first baby, my son, Taylor Michael, on October 24,
1997. I was seven months pregnant at the time and doctors hade to induce because Taylor
had died days before from Trisomy 18. I would love to hear from anyone who has experienced
this situation in their life. If you do e-mail me plaese understand it may take me some
time to write back because of my school schedule.
Email Address: skstack1@ndm.edu
Bev and Rodger · from
New York
Jan 12, 1998 · 16:10
We lost our baby today. We were only 10 weeks pregnant, but
we still hurt alot. Don't know where to turn or who to talk to. They are still gonna check
the horomone levels, but that just feels like an empty hope. We both know what has
happened. But we don't know how to deal with our loss...
Email Address: BAH405
Jennifer Coyston · from
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Jan 12, 1998 · 18:32
It is coming up to the year anniversary of my sons death.
Gregory Ryan was born on February 6, 1997 and died on February 8, 1997. He was premature
by 5 weeks, and his little lungs couldn't keep up. He died peacefully in my arms..the best
place for him to be.
Email Address: jcoyston@oxfordproperties.com
Deb Bartnick · from
Marshall, IL
Jan 13, 1998 · 01:54
This is a wonderful site. Our son, Gunnar, was stillborn on
August 27, 1997 due to a placental abruption. He was full term. The pain of loosing him is
so great. I feel like a part of me died with him. I find comfort in knowing that he is
with our Father. I look forward to the day I get to hold him again in heaven. We miss you
Gunnar. Sweet dreams, my baby.
Email Address: d-bartnick@indstate.edu
Jennifer L. Holder · from
Longview, Texas
Jan 15, 1998 · 18:14
I am 21, and I am a mother of a 28 weeker. My sons name was
Payton Raleigh Holder. My pregnancy was perfect until Dec. 5th, that was the day that I
found out that my son was dead. I had noticed that he had not moved in 24 hrs. so I went
to the Dr. She told me that It was a cord accident. If it was meant to be like everyone
keeps saying then why do they call it an accident. An accident is a car wreck or plane
crash, neither of which can take place in a womb. I will forever be in love with my little
man. He was my heart, soul and reason for living. Yet I struggle on to make my life with
my loving husband and friends, somewhat complete with all of their love. I turn to God for
answers and to one day be with my little man again. Until them I will hold you in my heart
Payton.
Email Address: jholder@sunpoint.com
Shauna · from
Pittsburgh, PA
Jan 21, 1998 · 19:14
I am 23 years old and lost the love of my life, Autumn
Elizabeth on October 23, 1997. She was full term and weighed 6lb 15oz. Although I had a
perfect preg- nancy, she was stillborn. The only answer that the doctor could give me was
that she must have laid on the cord and this stressed her causing her to pass meconium.
She was my first baby and we were all looking forward to her so much, but... I guess God
needed my little angel for himself. At least that is what I try to believe. I would love
to hear from anyone out there! I love you Autumn and you will always be my first baby
girl!!
Email Address: linst@pop.pitt.edu
Sloane Silver · from
Greensboro, NC
Jan 22, 1998 · 11:18
I am doing a study on infant mortality in Forsyth County
North Carolina and I am in dire need of some information and/or resources. Can you please
help me out? Sloane
Email Address: shsilver@hamlet.uncg.edu
Don & Maria Kutzner · from
Hurst, TX
Jan 23, 1998 · 01:26
We just lost our first baby girl, Jamie Lynne on Tuesday
Jan 20 at 1:21am. She was beautiful & we miss her. We enjoyed the tact shown at your
sight.
Email Address: musicdon@ix.netcom.com
Jim and Karine Towner · from
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Jan 25, 1998 · 17:59
Jim and I lost our son Troy on December 31, 1997. I had a
perfect pregnancy no complications. Troy was delivered by c-section on December 26, 1997.
He was then diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrom. This condition is fatal. The
only hope for these babies is either a transplant or a three part surgery. We decided to
have the surgery. Troy survived the surgery but the next morning he passed away. I am
trying to find every source I can to help mend my broken heart. I just look foreward to
the day that I can see and hold my little angel again. For now I just hold on to my
memories and hope that they can bring me peace. I just found your web site I look forward
to exploring it more and hope it becomes a comforting source to me as to the others.
Email Address: JimTowner@prodigy.com
Ms. Ramos · from
Rhode Isalnd
Jan 26, 1998 · 11:42
I want to thank you for iniciating this web site It has
been a vauble resource for me. I currently work for a agency that deals with young mothers
and I have reffered severl young mothers to this page.
Email Address: Nighhtaol.com
Julie · from
Louisville, Kentucky
Feb 4, 1998 · 20:56
I really needed to find your web page today....it is (would
have been) my son John's first birthday. He was born quite premature, at 25/26 weeks, and
lived for 8 days. I have been both excited for today..and dreading how I would feel at the
same time. Looking for other women to share thoughts and feelings with....I have tried a
few other message boards but did not really make any lasting "friends". I am
also intersted in any medical information from others. Thanks for your help.
Email Address: juliefur@aol.com
Martha Stauder · from
Illinois
Feb 6, 1998 · 15:04
Thank you for such a wonderfully supportive website. Like
most mothers who have lost a child, I have been searching everywhere imaginable for help
in dealing with my grief. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks 11/19/96 and was able to get
pregnant again, but not so easily. My son, Jacob Joseph, was stillborn at 26 weeks on
10/16/97. It was all caused by an infection in my body after an appendectomy 10 days
previously. I nearly died too, and sometimes I which I had so I could still be with Jake.
My due date should have been this week, 2/2 and that has been another difficult hurdle.
Thank God for a great support group, a supportive husband and family. Most people don't
want to talk about my son anymore but I still need to. Thank you for the place and other
resources to go to for help.
Email Address: zaza@htc.net
Karen Ritchey · from
Canada
Feb 9, 1998 · 01:10
I found this site while searching for information to help a
few friends who recently had to say goodbye to their babies, before they had the chance to
say hello... Our firstborn son was stillborn on June 2,1988. No matter how much time
passes, and how many children eventually join the family.... a mothers heart never forgets
the child who should have also been with us. Kyle Landon Ritchey June 2,1988 Forever in my
heart
Email Address: coney@cheerful.com
Wendy Deloge · from
Moosup
Feb 13, 1998 · 20:59
This is a wonderful page. I lost a son 6 years ago and it
was the most devestating thing I have ever experinced in my life. He was born with no
kidney's We never knew there was anything wrong until I went to deliver. The doctors call
it potter syndrome or polycystic dicease of the kidney's I would to hear from any one who
has had a loss. I have had much support. I also belong to a support group called
"HOPE" it is such a wonder full group. Wendy
Email Address: jdeloge01@snet.net
Suzanne Cabrera · from
West Palm Beach
Feb 15, 1998 · 19:50
My husband and I lost one of our triplets, Allison, on
September 17, 1997 just one day after she was born. Her sac ruptured at 20 weeks and her
lungs never had a chance to develop. It is such a mix of joy and sorrow. We have two
beautiful babies, Alex and Rachel, but we miss our precious Allison so much. Everyone asks
if Alex and Rachel are twins. It makes me so sad because I know they are triplets but it
is just too hard to explain. I had 3 miscarriages before this pregnancy so I know Allision
is in heaven with her sisters. It brings some comfort but I will always miss her. I'd love
to hear from others who have lost a multiple.
Email Address: MOCabrera@aol.com
Sheri Kowalski · from
Dallas, Texas
Feb 15, 1998 · 21:36
We lost our son, William Joseph, on August 12, 1997 at 18
weeks due to placental abruption/premature labor caused by large fibroid tumors. I had
anything but a normal pregnancy. I didn't even find out I was pregnant until 7 and 1/2
weeks. I was scheduled for surgery to remove my fibroids. My doctor thought that a
pregnancy with the fibroids was very risky. I began bleeding at 8 weeks and continued to
bleed the whole time. At 13 weeks, I fell and broke my arm. At 16 weeks, my bleeding
increased and the force of my fibroid pushed out a small subchorionic clot that had been
discovered at 8 weeks. I was admitted to the hospital on July 31 and discharged on August
3. I went into labor and delivered my little boy at home by myself on August 12, 1997. He
was perfect in everyway. I know that God was with me that day or I wouldn't have made it.
I would be happy to talk with any other women especially those with fibroids comtemplating
surgery. I had a successful surgery on November 13 and a remarkable recovery thanks to a
lot of prayers.
Email Address: Robert.Kowalski@MIC2000.com
Krista Cox · fromOhio
Feb 19, 1998 · 08:59
I began receiving your newsletter shortly after the death
of our newborn son, Eric. He died of a cord accident the day before our 10th
anniversary,and my sister had twins just 8 weeks prior. Am learning to live each day the
best I can, though all that I do connects to my son.He is in every thought,consumes each
second of my day.I miss him dearly,and still feel very cheated that he is not with me, his
mommy.Beloved precious child,My Eric is the love of my heart. To all the moms who are
going through such sadness,please know you will indeed smile again, laugh again, love
again......:) Peace,Krista
Email Address: coxfamly@bright.net
Tricia Percy · from
Australia
Feb 23, 1998 · 18:07
I am the mother of a baby girl who died in September from
SIDS. I have established a SIDS Parents' Forum page and am hoping to launch a 24 hour
"drop in" style of chat room for SIDS parents. My web address is
http://www.customforum.com/sidsforum
Email Address: phillip@southernisp.net
Grandma · from
Wisconsin
Feb 24, 1998 · 02:25
Hello New Friend: I have greatly enjoyed your pages! It is
obvious that you have given great time and effort to their creation! I have bookmarked
your page for a return visit! It is always a pleasure and very exciting to stumble upon a
page that shows such good taste! Keep up the good work, and don't be a stranger, come on
over and visit ~Grandma~! The coffee's always hot and the cookies are fresh baked!
~Grandma~ is always home and YOU are always most WELCOME!! ~God Bless~ ~Grandma~
Email Address: grandma@pcpros.net
Tami Prangle · from
League City, TX
Feb 25, 1998 · 16:20
We lost our son, Ian Patrick, on 6/17/96 during an
emergency c-section he was full term. He was stillborn only by minutes probably due to a
rare infection in my placenta. I have read all of the entries, and it amazes me the number
of stillbirths and all had healthy pregnancies, as was mine. I always felt so alone
because I had never heard of this happening so close to delivery. I have been in contact
with other women from another website and it has been so wonderful to share our similar
stories of our precious little babies. I have two other children - Andrew 3 1/2 years old
and Abbey who is 7 months. I'm interested in knowing more about bereavement counseling if
anyone can direct me. God Bless us all who have had to experience to tragic death of our
children.
Email Address: prangle@flash.net
Karen Maxwell · from
Charlotte, NC
Feb 26, 1998 · 15:13
yESTERDAY i SUFFERED MY 2ND MISCARRIAGE....MY 1ST WAS
BEFORE cHRISTMAS '96 WHEN WE THOUGHT all was well until I started to bleed at 11 wks..on
ultrasound found fetal sac stopped growing at 6 weeks even though I threw up more last 5
weeks ...so much for hearing if you're really sick everything is ok.well let me back
up.1st lost our 1st child 6 1/2 yrs ago at 9 months after she fell and hit her head on our
fireplace.I thought I would never recover.but did get pregnant without trouble then but
they thought I was threatening to miscarry so for 4 weeks lived in limbo too scared to get
hopes up and missing Meagan....but thank goodness Courtney survived and is my life...then
Fall of '96 got pregnant again easily....and had normal pregnancy until at 11 weeks
started bleeding and had miscarriage.that was really hard because brought back grieving
strong......then last year tried hard to get pregnant and didn't after 6 months so hung it
up since I was 36.but had a surprise when got pregnant this January without trying....I
was so scared.but my Doc promised a ultrasound at 6 wks.....since that was when everything
stopped before...but that showed I was only 5 wks so no heartbeat but Beta HCG was still
high.so next week ..went expecting news.but no heartbeat but sac had grown.so this week at
7 weeks again no heartbeat...and no growth with sac .so having a D and C tomorrow...OR was
full today.....so feeling very sad because at almost 37 don't think emotionally I can do
this again..so also realizing probaly no more babies in my life ....well sorry to ramble
so much...karen
Email Address: cortnysmom@aol.com
Marilyn Sager · from
Richmond, VA
Feb 28, 1998 · 05:11
It is 4:00 AM on March 1st. I have been unable to sleep so
I have come to the one place where I know people will understand my pain. I had a dream
tonight about my baby who was stillborn on November 15, 1997. It comes in waves but mostly
my days are OK. I have joined a support group in my city that has been very helpful for
me. My pregnancy was perfect, I carried to full term and went into very normal labor. My
husband and two kids loaded me into the car and off we went to the hospital to deliver our
new baby girl. There was no heartbeat after being hooked up to the monitor and the
ultrasound proved the docs suspition. We had lost our baby due to placenta abruption and
there was no hope for her. I am so sad and will never forget the sight of her small coffin
being laid into the ground. I am very happy that I have a place to go and vent where
people will not judge me and tell me to," get over it". You are a G-D send and I
thank you so much for having this websight. I would love to hear from anyone who would
like to have a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to you without giving you advice.
My computer is always open! Lots of love to you all and G-D bless. Marilyn in Richmond
Email Address: werafamily@erols.com
Cindy & Bubba · from
Louisiana
Mar 3, 1998 · 00:58
I gave birth to Katherine Angelena "Katie Angel"
February 26,1998 at 5:27pm. She passed away during the early hours of that morning inside
my womb. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. The nice thing was that we
were able to hold her. We knew the outcome of this pregnancy wouldn't be a happy one but
we hoped that we would be able to hold her alive. That didn't come true but we were able
to hold her without the fear of doctors taking her and hooking her to machines. She was a
beautiful little girl. She weighed 2 pounds 3.8 ounces and was 12 1/2 inches long. Her big
sister, Jourdan age 4, was the best! All she wanted to do was hold her and love her and
she got to do all of that and more. We all miss her terribly and wonder if we'll ever be
better? All we want is to hold her and I can't seem to stop crying. Help if you know what
we're going through. I'd just like another ear.
Email Address: cinbub@worldnet.att.net
Jessica Orley · from
Ohio
Mar 3, 1998 · 14:22
Thank you for the wonderful website. I lost my son, Blake
Alan Thornton on October 7, 1996 due to his premature birth. It had been an unplanned
pregnancy, I was only seventeen at the time, but I love him more than I knew was possible.
I wish I had known about this page sooner, but a year and a half after Blake's death I
still think of him and miss him everyday. Your page has been helpful to me, even though I
didn't find it until now.
Email Address: jo356697@oak.cats.ohiou.edu
Shannon Yeager · from
CA
Mar 6, 1998 · 14:31
I miss Adrianna very much.
Email Address: dusty_rose_1973@yahoo.com
Brandy Franks · from
Oklahoma
Mar 10, 1998 · 22:48
I am A mother of one beautiful 18 month old little girl.
December 26 I found out I was pregnant with my second child and although it wasen't the
best news at the time it grew on me and my husband the idea of a baby brother or sister
for our daughter was wonderful. And Then yesterday I had a doctors appointment when the
nurse went to listen to the heartbeat and coulden't find one I knew right away there was
something wrong she went and got the doctor and when he coulden't find the heartbeat he
sent me to get an ulstrasound. Then it was confirmed the baby was there so little huddeled
up in a ball with no signs of a heartbeat or movement but completely formed. My husband
and I went back to the doctors office and he gave us the news. and recommended a d&c I
quickly agreed and this morning the opeation was performed. I don't know how to feel and
my husban as good as he is dosen't know what to say to make my pain subside Ifound this
site and thought someone might know how i'm feeling if so please e-mail me this has been a
very traumatic experience for me and my family and Iwould really love to talk
Email Address: jfranks@ou.edu
Heather Mesmer · from
Amherst, New York
Mar 21, 1998 · 20:08
I gave birth to Gerald Joseph Mesmer (Jerry Joseph;J.J.),
my first baby on July 22, 1997. He was stillborn. My husband and I didn't know that I was
pregnant until May 23, 1997. I was already in my seventh month. The doctor thinks it was
caused by the imbalance in the thyroid (I had my thyroid removed 10 years ago). We all
heard his heartbeat on July 14, 1997. Then, on July 21, when we went for our regular
visit, there was no heartbeat. They think he had been gone for 3-5 days. On July 22, they
induced labor. They tried an epidural, but it didn't work, and as a result, I have
constant pain in my back.We were supposed to get married on October 4, 1997. When I found
out I was pregnant, we moved the wedding up to June 14, 1997, and really didn't get to
have anyone there. It wasn't important at the time, though, because we were looking
forward to J.J's arrival. We miss him so much, and wish he was here with us. Thank you to
M.E.N.D. for allowing people to share their thoughts, offering comfort and support for
others.
Email Address: 25heather@msn.com
Michele Shelton · from
Fairfax Virginia
Mar 23, 1998 · 01:01
I need help dealing with the loss of my baby girl Alexi
Taylor on Thursday March 12, 1998...I miss her with all of my heart...My little angel did
not even have a chance we lost her due to a subchoronic hemmorage that had not healed.. I
was on bed rest for 3 and 1/2 months but the hemmorage was still growing...Because of this
I had to have an emergancy induction and she was lost during birth...I was only in my 21st
week of pregnancy...How could she have been taken away so fast when I fought so hard to
save her???I love her so much!!!!!!
Email Address: MAG595@aol.com
Anonymous · from MD
Mar 23, 1998 · 13:38
Here goes. I lost my precious twins on March
21,1994. I spent a couple of years dealing with infertility, and so my
husband and I were thrilled to find out about the boys! Everything went
well until the 25th week of pregnancy. My sons were born too early, and
they lived for two days. I want to say things are better, but I still
miss them each day-all day. As time passes people expect you to move
on-some don't even acknowledge our loss anymore. My husband and I deal
with our loss separately. I guess I want everyone to feel what I feel. I
do have a son who is two, and he is my life. Still, I will never forget
each feature of my angels' faces. They are always in my heart! Sorry so
long - just needed to get it out.
Email Address: Not
available
Melissa Clouthier · from The Woodlands,
Texas
Mar 27, 1998 · 23:15
I
gave birth prematurely at 25 weeks to identical twin boys on June 20,
1997. Andrew died 10 days later from an overwhelming infection he caught
at the hospital. Harrison survived and spent four and 1/2 months at the
hospital. The pain and loss I feel is still acute. Some days I think I
will lose my mind. Most people think I should be over it by now and that
I am lucky to have "at least one". I am blessed to still have Harrison,
but no child can take another child's place. This web site is what I
have searched for. Thank you.
Email Address: MClouthier@aol.com
Lori Mills · from Grand Rapids,
Michigan
Apr 4, 1998 · 07:06
Thank you so much for a wonderful website. I
appreciate the Christian viewpoint!! The death of a child is a horrible
thing, but for those without Christ---there is little hope. Our
daughter, Cassidy Anne, was stillborn at 37 weeks. Her cause of death
was considered cord constriction. She was our fourth child and born on
her oldest brothers 9th birthday. What a way to remember every year... I
will continue visiting the MEND site as it has brought much comfort to
me over the past few months. Thank you.
Email Address: Maleea1940@aol.com
Sarah Kerebshian · from Minneapolis,
MN
Apr 5, 1998 · 18:28
WE
lost our son, Luke Tyler, on 12-20-97. He was born a "normal" healthy
boy, 8 lbs. 5 oz. 21 inches on 12-16-97. On the day that we were
planning to leave the hospital to go home, he stopped breathing while he
was in my arms sleeping. The doctors say he died of SIDS. It is so hard
to deal with and cope with losing him. All the studies say that SIDS is
usually for 3-4 month olds, not 2 day old babies still in the hospital.
I walk around with a lot of guilt. That if I would have noticed sooner
he maybe would have been able to make it. Maybe they could have revived
him and he would have still had brain activity... The doctors and nurses
were able to revive him, but he had lost all his upper brain activity
and only had his brain stem left. He lived for 2 more days on every
machine that you can think of. His prognosis was getting worse by the
hour. My husband and I had to make the hardest decision that a parent
will ever have to make- to take your child off life support or not... We
decided that if Luke was going to experience a miricle and survive, it
would not happen with all the tubes and machines, he had to decide. So,
he did try to make a few breaths on his own and his heat beated for a
few minutes on it's own, but ultimately, he could not survive and now he
is with Jesus in heaven. He died in our arms. It was a very peaceful
experience. Now, we are taking one day at a time. It is wonderful
looking at our photos and video from the hospital. Luke lives on in our
memories and in our hearts he will always be our little sweatheart. I
would like to talk with others who have experienced a loss of a child to
SIDS during the 1st few days of life. According to our doctor, SIDS is 1
in 1,000 and to have achild die of SIDS so early is 1 in 1,000 of that 1
in 1,000. We feel very unlucky and lonely.
Email Address: sarah.kerbeshian@medtronic.com
Rich & Jana Johnson · from Englewood,
Colorado
Apr 7, 1998 · 16:00
My
husband and I were given a beautiful son, Markus Laine Johnson, on
December 22, 1997. He weighed 2lbs. 15 and 1/2 oz.. Markus was born at
28 weeks, due to me having a severe case of toximia/pre-eclampsia. He
had lots of blonde wavy hair. He was perfect in every way. Markus's
health was outstanding for a premie. He was breathing on the vent with
only 5 assists, doing very well. On January 1, 1998, Markus aquired a
blood infection which inturn did not allow blood flow to his brain. We
gave him back to our Lord on January 8, 1998. Rich held him, gave him a
kiss, and while Markus took his last breath, I kissed him goodbye. Our
son brought us and our family many blessings. We both look forward to
seeing our little boy in heaven. I was so glad to find this site on the
web. I look forward to coming here to visit often. May everyone who
visits also be blessed. Nu 6:24-25
Email Address: Sprinkhill@aol.com
Sherri · from San Antonio,
Tx
Apr 8, 1998 · 11:33
My
daughter, Savannah, was born prematurely on Feb.18th. I was suffering
from poly-hydramnios. Savannah passed away 20 hours later.She dies in my
arms. She had hypaplastic left heart syndrome. We found out 2 hours
before she was delivered c-section. My pain is unbearable at times. This
web site has given me hope. I would appreciate hearing from other
parents on how they are coping. I have an 8 yr old and a 5 yr old. I am
very concerned that I am handling their grief in the right way. They are
so young to have to deal with such a loss. It is not fair. They wanted
their baby sister so badly, we all did. Savannah would have been 7 weeks
old today. Somedays I feel I can not go on but my 2 children let me know
otherwise. I am keeping myself as busy as possible, it is easy with 2
very active and involved children. I have so much to be thankful for, a
loving husband, supportive family and friends, but all I can see is my
loss. I feel as if I am being punished, my family is being punished. I
also suffered a miscarriage last April at 14 weeks. I do not feel as
alone now that I have found this website. If anyone knows of a site that
offers a chat for parents that are suffering with this, could they
please send me the info? I would appreciate it.
Email Address: tstss@aol.com
Leah Orrick · from Denison,
TX
Apr 8, 1998 · 13:46
The
only computer I have is at work. My address is P.O. Box 386, Denison, TX
75021 I have hade 5 miscarriages and 2 ectopic pregnancies and it is
very hard for me at times to know how to cope. I an 32 and my husband
has also died so everything seems to be a struggle at the moment. I just
looked up miscarriage on the computer and broused and found the site.
Any suggestion anyone has would surely be of great help.
Email Address: denisonglass@texoma.net
Becki Garrison · from Havelock, North
Carolina
Apr 12, 1998 · 23:15
My
first son, Tristan Lee was still born on May 18, 1996 at 36 weeks. The
doctors do not know what caused him to pass on. I had a normal pregnancy
with no complication. I went into early labor and when I got to the
hospital, the nursers could not find a heart beat. A sonogram confirmed
that my precious baby boy had died inside of me. Deliverling him was the
hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I had to say goodbye to
him before I ever got to say hello. It will be two years this May and
the pain is still there and will never go away. Thank you so much for
this web site, it has really helped me out when I needed it. I am happy
to say that Tristan now has a baby brother Korbin Pierce, born 9/17/97
to watch over. I miss you Tristan and I will never forgot you! Some
people dream of angels and I held one in my arms! I love you!
Email Address: korbinsmom@usa.net
Kim Craig · from Omaha,
Nebraska
Apr 17, 1998 · 02:12
Thank you for this site and your newsletter. It is
so comforting to finally get something in the mail besides baby coupons
and magazines. It is the one-year anniversary of our precious son's
birth and death. Martin Joseph Craig III, known to us as Baby Joey, was
born at 30-32 weeks April 17, 1997. His died due to prematurity and a
heart defect. He was our first child that we had waited and tried a long
time for. I miss him and love him so very much. Today and over the past
year, I reflect on "Footprints" and believe that my Lord has and will
continue to carry me. Thank you. Kim
Email Address: Ferocia@aol.com
Julianne Johnston · from Cedar Falls,
Iowa
Apr 20, 1998 · 16:14
I
have done some browsing on this site and have found a lot of comforting
suggestions/thoughts. It is nice to go somewhere that you can feel
"safe" -- where others understand. At the end of February at my 27th
week of pregnancy, my measurement was a little too small and I was sent
to a specialists. Eventually, we found out our baby doesn't have kidneys
and hasn't been able to make ambiotic fluid. As a result, her lungs are
expected to be very immature and there has never been a baby with this
condition live for more than a couple of days, and they expect us to be
able to spend less than a couple of hours with our daughter, that we
have named Adrianna. We would feel very blessed to have a at least a few
moments with her to say hello and good-bye and tell her we love her. I
am in my 34th week of pregnancy and am expected to carry full term. When
we were told the news, I immediately felt the hand of God comforting us
and guiding us. The outreach of our neighbors and family has been
tremendous. Obviously, this is a very sad time for us, but we are also
using each off these very special days we have left with Adrianna to
cherish all of her movements and heartbeats. Our 3-year old daughter
Mackenzie has also provided us with a great light as her great health
reminds us there is hope for the future. The extra love she has given us
in these months shows how children really are a gift from God. But
instead of getting the baby clothes organized, we have been planning a
memorial service and making arragements for burial. That is pretty
difficult, although we are thankful we know about her condition now
rather than being totally taken off guard during her birth.. We have
been able to gain a lot of peace from knowing she will be in the arms of
Jesus after her birth -- what a perfect life! STraight my the protection
of her mother's womb to heaven. I am so scared about her delivery. I
know that God will get me through that day, but I know that day will
comeand I will have to say goodbye. Budded on earth, blossomed in
heaven. We will have such a tremendous story to tell our children some
day -- your baby sister is in heaven and we all want to be with her some
day. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and we will be together
again. God has made me a very strong person -- I believe that everything
that has happened in my life has led to this point and he must have a
very big plan for me to give me Adrianna and take her so quickly. I feel
so compelled to tell my story because I know something great is going to
happen from this situation. Lives will be saved because of our
testimony. God hasn't given up on us and we're not going to give up on
him. While we know a miracle could still happen, we are preparing our
hearts for what is medically been told to us. Some day we will fully
understand this. Thanks for letting me tell my story. But it's not over
yet. There will be more to tell.... Julianne Johnston
Email Address: jjohnst@profarmer.com
Andrea M. Weston · from Indiana
Apr 21, 1998 · 20:27
Greatly appreciate the information provided at this
site.
Email Address: andrea@ontario.com
Marianne Shields · from Dallas,
Texas
May 4, 1998 · 15:58
Hi
Rebekah got your email about the website and thought i'd check it out!
it's very nice - you're doing a great job - let me know if you ever need
my help! your friend, Marianne Shields
Email Address: ts1829@aol.com
Laurie Ottinger · from Allen,
Texas
May 4, 1998 · 19:31
What a wonderful site! I feel so privileged to know
the wonderful women behind this site. Your children in heaven (and here
on earth) are lucky to have y'all as moms. Rebekah sent me the nicest
letter upon seeing my daughter Cailey's obituary in the newspaper. She
did not even know me, but she reached out in the very early stages of my
grief. I was so touched. Cailey was stillborn due to cord accident at
35.5 weeks on June 7, 1996. She was our first baby, our first little
girl. We still miss her so much!
Email Address: w001985@airmail.net
Jayne Brown · from Dallas
May 5, 1998 · 18:13
I
was eight months pregnant when I found out that due to a cord accident
my baby girl lost oxygen and died. It was so devastating because I never
thought anything like that would happen to me. I am still learning to
deal with the pain day by day. I have received a newsletter from you and
am interested in your organization.
Email Address: jbrown@swst.com
Vicki · from Alabama
May 9, 1998 · 10:52
14
years ago I lost my son Vance to a cord accident at full term. I did not
have the luxury of a support group and certainly not a web site. This
past Thanksgiving, Nov. 1997, I miscarried at 15 weeks, another son. As
my "due date" draws near and Mother's Day, I have felt a great need for
support. These have been my only pregnancies and I feel so empty. God
must have led me to this site. This summer when we go home to Texas, we
are planting a tree in memory of our Baby Boy. Vance has a grave site
that we can visit. I know that Vance is taking care of his little
brother and that's some comfort. I have written poems to both of my sons
which helps me deal with my pain, my anger, my questioning. Thank you
for this wonderful site, it's a great help to those in need.
Vicki
Email Address: thiele1@yaho.com
Christina Litreal · from Peebles, Ohio,
USA
May 11, 1998 · 21:15
Our
son Samuel David Litreal was stillborn on April 18, 1998. He was three
months premature, and died because the umbilical cord twisted away from
his navel. We are all devastated by his death. We lost his twin at three
months gestation, and were anticipating his birth with great joy. We had
a mis- carriage two months before this pregnancy, so this child was
very, very important to us. I have lost to date, three sons, and had
three miscarriages, in the last 11 years. I do have two beautiful girls,
ages 7 & 9, and my husband has two children, a boy, age 12 & a
girl, age 16. These children were our first together, and we desperately
wanted them. We are both 35 years old, and feel that time is running out
for us. I know God doesn't make mistakes, but it still hurts anyway. If
you have any information that could prevent this tragedy from happening
again, please, please,write to me. Thank you. In Christ, Chris
Email Address: nonny1@bright.net
Ray and Sharon Wiseman · from Irving,
TX
May 11, 1998 · 22:27
Weve really been touched reading about what so many
have gone through. Our identical twin boys, Stephen and Antipas Wiseman
died perinatally and were delivered on May 1st 1998. We believe they may
have died due to TTS, or twin transfusion syndrome. They also may have
died due to a cord accident, perhaps related to the same situation. We
are heartbroken, and of course we may never know specifically 'why', but
the love of our dear Lord Jesus Christ, and that of His Body, the
church, has enveloped us, and has been the balm to our aching hearts.
Our children too are grieving, but we are encouraged that they are
talking it out. Getting to deliver them and being able to give them a
proper goodbye was such a help to us during this devistating time. All
of us are so sad that we will never have our twin boys to hold. Please
write us if you have had the same experience, especially with twins.
Thank you, Grace to you, and peace from God our Father and the Lord
Jesus Christ. The Wisemans Psalm 22:40 "I was cast upon thee from the
womb: thou art my God from my mother's belly."
Email Address: r.wiseman@juno.com
Kristin · from Florida
May 12, 1998 · 19:55
After having read this guestbook, I am at a loss
for words. This is a beautiful web site. If only something like this had
been available even as recently as 1993. Our first son was born Jan
1993. I ended up getting pregnant soon after his birth. At 21 weeks of
pregnancy, my inlaws came to visit for the week. We went out to dinner,
came home, lounged a little and then went to bed. I woke up at 3:30 with
the worst cramps that I had ever had in my life! Within 45 minutes, I
had given birth to our son. My mother inlaw was there to help but even
now she and I "avoid" talking about what happened. When the ambulance
came, the techs. carried me down the stairs with Christian between my
legs. Just outside the front door, one of the guys tripped and they both
lost hold of the gurney! By the time we got to the hospital, there was
even less hope that CHristian would survive. I don't remember that a
pastor came in and asked if we wanted our son baptized. In my dazed
state, I declined. I will always live with the regret of not even
remembering that I was asked. Not to mention that our little guy wasn't
baptized!! He was such a cutie (even in death). He had the blackest head
of hair that I had seen. His little almost 2 lbs. body was perfect. Such
little hands they were! We had no explanation at the time for what
caused this. Then, when I got pregnant again the next year, I ended up
in bed for most of the pregnancy due to bleeding. We found at 12 weeks
that I had cervical incompetance and that 14 weeks they needed to put a
stitch in my cervix so that I could carry the baby full term. The normal
and quick procedure was to go in vaginally, put the stitch in and then
be done. NOT! They couldn't find enough of my cervical opening. They had
to schedule an abdominal cerclage (very rare) at 20 weeks. It was touch
and go during the surgery but.... it was well worth it. We now have a
happy, attitudinal 3 year old little girl. It's amazing how people
expect those of us that have gone through this to "get over it". It's
not that easy though is it? How can it be. Every August 8th since we
lost Christian, I say a silent happy birthday to him. It's been 5 years
now and I miss him so much. People say "You should be lucky, you have 2
healthy children. They don't realize (or care to imagine) that a child
can not be replaced. NEVER. Because of my cervical incompetance, I had
my tubes tied. But what I wouldn't do to give birth to another child!
This site is a God-send. I am thankful that there is finally a site that
lets us grieve or talk without worry or fear as being tagged "nuts".
Thank you! Kristin
Email Address: kkeene@mindspring.com
Lesley Reany · from New
Jersey
May 16, 1998 · 11:36
My
daughter, Caitlin Elizabeth Reany, was born still at 40weeks on February
9, 1998. Cause: Placenta Eruption with massive internal hemmoraging.
Here is our story, sorry that it's so long: Our Story: Sunday February
8th, 1998 Went to sleep feeling for your nightly kicks, everything's
okay. It's any day now, doctor says your due Thursday the 13th this
week. You got a perfect Sonogram score two weeks ago and you haven't
dropped yet. I think your small and I wish I knew what to expect, will
it be the middle of night? Will my water break? Nothing can go wrong
now...or so I believed. Can't wait for you to get here. I never thought
that I'd be a Mom since Poly Cystic Ovary Disease has left me infertile,
I am now 37 years. Your daddy and I were frantically planning our
wedding and I discovered that I was 17 weeks pregnant with you on
September 17th, 1997. Wedding went on October 4th, I had my dress taken
out a few inches to make room for you...daddy is so excited and so are
your grandparents, aunts, uncles and future friends. Monday, February
9th, 1998 Woke up about 8:00am feeling okay. Began experiencing some
cramping, daddy left for work and took his baby beeper...waiting for the
911 call. Called my Mom in Atlanta to talk through my cramps, something
wasn't right since they weren't subsiding. Cramps let up and I called
the doctor...waiting for a call back. Nurse says to come in for fetal
monitor check. I believe that everything is fine. I take a shower, put
the last final details in my birthing bag and hospital suitcase.
Vomiting sets in, maybe the flu? Call nurse, the pain is becoming
unbearable and the doctor is to meet daddy and I at the hospital. He got
his 911 call and he is on his way. I'm sorry, I'm unable to cope with
the pain and I need Daddy. Maybe this is transitional labor, I don't
know, I've never experienced this before. My water hasn't broke, no
bleeding or other signs that your in trouble. However, I feel like your
up in my rib cage and your not moving. This is not unusual for you, I
know your patterns and moods, your quiet in the day and sometimes scare
me. But believe me, you were an active little soul after the 19th week.
You even did a few somersaults. I think your a boy and so does everyone
else. I know Daddy wants a boy and I a girl but neither of us care as
long as your healthy and happy. If your a boy your name will be Sean
Michael Reany and if your a girl your name will be Caitlin Elizabeth
Reany. Elizabeth is my Mom's name. Get to the hospital, it's now about
12:30pm. They make me wait for a room. Fetal Monitor is on and the nurse
can't find your heartbeat. She's confusing yours with mine which
obviously is low. Sonogram now...no heartbeat. Questions, people in and
out. Daddy is smiling over me now saying that everything will be fine.
2nd Level Sonogram - you've definitely died. Daddy's still saying
everything is okay but I know it's not. Stupid doctor says "you can have
more children" I wanted to scream " I don't want more children I want my
baby back, you've made a horrible mistake!" I tell the doctor that I
can't be awake and wait for you, it's to painful. Not an option, they
give me Potosin to induce my labor, Demerol and Magnesium Sulfate (my
blood pressure is soaring). We had a great pregnancy, I wish I knew
about you sooner than I did so we had more time together. You were with
me at my bridal showers, wedding and honeymoon. Remember all the pretty
fishes we saw in Central America, remember the Manatees? Did you hear
Daddy and I fighting? Sometimes over you? I love you. I'm still waiting
at the hospital in the labor room, the pain is intolerable. Diagnosis:
Placenta Eruption with massive internal hemorrhaging and clotting.
Reason: Unknown. 11:07pm: You are born. The hours before are a blur.
Three pushes. I don't look and they don't ask if I want to hold you or I
don't remember. I keep looking over a the baby warmer where you lay, I
think something's wrong with you and I'm afraid. I ask if your a boy or
girl sometime later. Your a girl, my daughter. The nurse and friends
call and visit over the next 6-8 hours and say I must see you and you
are beautiful. My friend Maggie from work visits first thing, holds my
hand...I'm still in shock.Doctor says that there is nothing for my
family. Your grandparents flew in from Atlanta, grandma's holding my
hand, grandpa's crying. We plan for the funeral for Friday. They finally
move me to a new room, I lost 50% of my red blood and they say I have to
stay two more nights. I just want to hold you and for you smile back at
me. This I will discover is never going to happen. Karen, a nurse here
is expecting her first child, she asked me if I wanted to bath you. I'm
sorry Caitlin, I'm not strong enough for this. About an hour later she
brings you up to Daddy and I. She begins to place you in my arms, I tell
her to hold your head, please don't hurt you. Your lovely, you look just
like Mommy, round cherub cheeks and brownish hair, the family button
nose. Your so cold and your eyes are closed, oh honey I'm sorry. What
have I done?! I can't bear this pain, the nurse comes to take you and I
scream once your gone. I can't accept this. She brings me your little
footprints and hair along with your blanket and things that you wore
when you were born. I ask "what are you wearing" are you warm?" Grandma
took all your things out of my bag and took them home, except your snow
suit that I donated to the hospital. Daddy will bring you a new
nightgown to the funeral home, I'm too sick to come angel, I'm sorry but
I'll see you Friday. Friday, February 14th: 11:00am Small service with
our families and a few friends. Daddy put some of your toys and our
wedding pictures along with a picture of Samantha our cat in your little
casket. Everyone's brought or sent you flowers and cards. Ironic that
it's Valentines Day. I will never celebrate this day again without a new
meaning and memory. Casket is open and people are standing in the
back...slowly they walk forward and say good-bye. I kiss your nose and
begin unwrapping you, daddy pulls me away gently. Valium and cigarettes
are my only friend today, I'm sorry Caitlin...I know you hate
cigarettes, there bad for me. It was to easy to go back to them. Funeral
is lovely and you are being buried with your great-grandparents in the
lovely spot. I know that your grandfather will plant flowers for you
next week, he comes here often. Your beautiful name is being carved in
the stone this year sometime in honor of your memory. Where are you
sweety? Are you happy? Do you know who I am? That I loved you? Last
Entry, April 17th. Back to work Monday. Daddy and I are moving to
Atlanta as we always planned. We hope to make a brother or sister for
you soon, I'm ovulating normally now thanks to you. We fight a lot, I'm
sorry. I hope that things will get better, I'm so bitter, angry, guilty
and depressed. No one calls...no one wants to hear about you anymore. I
know they think "why can't she go on"? Even Daddy, but I know that he
thinks of you each day and is strong for me. I will not forget you.
"Those who cannot hear the music, think the dancer is mad..."
Email Address: lreany@earthlink.net
Rosanne Hood · from Lewisville,
TX
May 19, 1998 · 02:05
My
husband, Michael & I lost our first baby, Rhiannon Nicole to SIDS
(although now we wonder if it was immunization related death ... even so
... death is death and grief is grief). Five years later - in 1997 -
someone handed me a copy of a M.E.N.D. newsletter and I attended a
meeting of the Subsequent Pregnancy group. (We had a sucessful
subsequent pregnancy and our 2nd daughter is a healthy 4 yr. old.)I went
with the thought of being able to somehow minister to others and left
feeling like I had been ministered to. Then months later, on the 5th
anniversary of our daughter's death date, M.E.N.D. was the group that
remembered and honored this day. We were so touched. I Thank God for
this very special group!
Email Address: rhood@airmail.net
Kim Wheaton · from
Australia
May 22, 1998 · 07:22
20th May 1997 I lost my baby at 36 1/2 weeks due to
my uterus rupturing. The grieving process never goes away just dulls.
This last week has been very hard and emotional for me. I am so glad to
have found your site. It is all a great help. I am also looking for
other women this has happened to, can you help? My situation is rare as
I was not in labour, it was spontaneous. I would also like to find out
if any women who have had this have had any children after as I have
been told that I shouldn't. Thanks!!!!
Email Address: KIMWHEATON@bigpond.com
Melissa Lynch · from Winchester,
KY
May 26, 1998 · 10:48
I
delivered James Coleman at 20 weeks. The autopsy and subsequent testing
revealed no cause for his death.
Email Address: mlynch_98@yahoo.com
Kim Wheaton · from
Australia
May 29, 1998 · 05:24
Dear Rebekah, thanks for getting back to me. I
survived the annerversary of my baby's death, his name is Lachlan. I am
still an emotional wreck! Although people say I'm strong, anyway you
know what I mean. I would like to go on your mailing list, thankyou for
asking, my address is 3 Bower Rd, EAGLEBY. Qld. 4207 Australia. Once
again thanks. KIMWHEATON.
Email Address: KIMWHEATON@bigpond.com
Kathy Mitchell · from Sterling Heights,
MI
May 29, 1998 · 22:54
I
lost my first baby at 11 weeks in March, 1996. After 2 more miscarriages
(5 weeks and 6 weeks), I had a series of tests done that determined I
had Luteal Phase Defect. I used Comid and Progesterone and in my 2 month
of trying I got pregnant. 7.5 months into the pregnancy I developed
toxemia, but the baby seemed just fine. At 38 weeks I had a c-section
and Andrew John was born 12/30/97 at 1:34 pm. He weighed in at 8 lbs., 8
oz. and was 20.5 inches long. He is now 5 months old a thriving. I could
never believe the joy that one small person brings to my
life.
Email Address: klm2@gateway.net
Scarlett Smith · from Atlanta,
GA
May 31, 1998 · 21:51
I
had two premature babies within 7 months of each other. Riley (born
7/96) lived 18 days and John Dillon (born 2/97) lived 18 hours. Previous
to that I had a miscarriage and a long period of infertility and
infertility treatments. I am 44 yrs. old. I thank God for my babies and
for the grace He bestowed on my husband and me. Now, I am a grief
volunteer at a hospital, helping other mothers who have lost babies. As
a volunteer, I also edit a newsletter for the Perinatal/Neonatal Loss
department. I would appreciate others' stories.
Email Address: MrsSmith33@aol.com
Jody Crabb · from Vancouver,
WA
Jun 3, 1998 · 17:15
I
enjoyed your web site. I recently lost my second child, in my 20th week
of pregnancy. It helps me greatly to read other peoples stories and
words of wisdom. We are slowly gettig it back together and are hopeful
for our future. Thanks again. Jody Crabb
Email Address: jody@worldaccessnet.com
Laurie · from Canada
Jun 4, 1998 · 21:22
I
recently found this site, just got on the internet. We lost our second
child Taylor November 26, 1996. I was 40 at the time and quite pleased
and surprised to be pregnant. Taylor was born at 36 weeks and died as a
result of a prolapsed umbilical cord. My doctor said this is very rare.
Interested in hearing from any others this has happened to. I hope this
site will give me the support I need to try to overcome and live with
this tragedy.
Email Address: cumming@blazeinet.com
Joel & Dianna Hatfield · from
Dallas, Texas
Jun 11, 1998 · 00:06
Joel & I lost our only son, David Thane
Hatfield, on May 15, 1996. We want to have another baby and need lots of
emotional support. Due to a uterine abnormality, this next pregnancy
will be very difficult. Thank you for the offer of your knowledgeable
support and Christian fellowship.
Email Address: jdhatfld@airmail.net
Lysesha Hughes · from
Maryland
Jun 11, 1998 · 18:14
I
am a mother of two beautiful boys age years and 17 months. I've had one
miscarriage and a fetal demise. My fetal demise was a 4lb 3oz, 19 inches
long little girl. She was born and died 31 Jan 98. Her name was Zinita
Hughes. I've had a healthy 32 week pregnancy which came to a quick halt
when I noticed she stopped moving. My heart goes out to all of the
parents who's had a loss.
Email Address: Twenty672@aol.com
Judy · from Tulsa,
Oklahoma
Jun 12, 1998 · 03:13
I
suffered a miscarriage at 7 1/2 weeks in September of 1994. I was
devastated. Then 3 days after Christmas in 1994 I found out I was
pregnant again. My doctor preformed several ultrasounds early in my
pregnancy because of the previous miscarriage and found everything to be
normal. I felt movement but not alot of kicking. About 6 months into my
pregnancy we found out I had too much amniotic fluid. My doctor said
that he may have some upper GI problems after he is born but that
everything should be fine. The doctor, concerned about the amniotic
fluid decided to perform another ultrasound. It was scheduled for 4 days
later. Over the next few days I felt alot of pressure but I mistaked it
as a possible bladder infection or something else going on. The day of
the ultrasound the doctor said to come in early and he would check to
see how I was doing. We got into his office about 9:00AM and I was
already dialated to 10. I was only 30 weeks into the pregnancy. By 11:15
my son was born with Hydrops Fetalis, a rare condition caused by a
genetic disorder. He weighed 5lb 5oz and was 15 1/2 inches long. He
lived almost 3 hours. We got to hold him and say Goodbye to him. Then in
April of 1996 I found out I was pregnant I was elated and scared. Then
in January of 1997 I gave birth to a healthy baby girl, who is now 17
months old. Nothing could replace the babies I have lost and the grief
that I feel. But I wanted to give others out there hope and let them
know I feel their pain. I hope I can help someone else with my story.
Thank You.
Email Address: angel61995@yahoo.com
Cherial Revell · from Columbus,
GA
Jun 14, 1998 · 03:52
We
lost Jocari Deshwn on 12/8/96. He was born at 26 weeks. I went to the
Hospital the day before because I felt something was wrong. I was having
some light contractions and I felt wet all the time. I was hooked to the
monitor, stayed 2 hours and they sent me home and said the baby is fine.
On 12/8 I woke up feeling the same, I went back to the hospital, they
finally checked my cervix and told me I was 6 cm and he had to be born.
No turning back now. I knew the day before that something was wrong. I
feel guilty because I am usually a strong headed person, I am a
Registered Nurse (Although OB is not my field) I should have known
better and been more persistant. Jocari died 8 hours later with Dad and
Auntie at his side. I had an emergency C section and he was shipped to a
hospital that specializes in Neonatal Intensive Care. I could not be
there with him. I just wanted to kiss him one time and tell him that I
loved him. The next time I saw and held him was 2 days after he was
dead. He was cold and still. I held him close, he was the tiniest and
most precious thing that I have ever seen. (1 lb 10 oz) They tell me he
died of Septic shock which means that he aquired an infection from me. I
have a 4.5 yr old John and he loved him baby brother. I guess I am still
blessed to have a son who loves me. Thanks for listening to Jocari's
story. Mommy, Daddy and Big Brother love and miss you!
Email Address: CRevellRN@aol.com
Sharon Weinstein · from NJ
Jun 15, 1998 · 22:37
I
had given birth to girl /boy twins on july 1 1997.my son-joseph died 11
hours later due to complications.we had known since 16 weeks that he
wasn't going to survive.he was diagnosed with a severe blockage to his
bladder.we miss him terribly,i also have a 5 year old son.after reading
all, i now know that i'm not alone here. thanks, sharon
Email Address: Not
available
Lisa Garcia · from The Colony,
TX
Jun 20, 1998 · 03:42
Please tell me more about your organization. I am a
mom.
Email Address: BREMCLAD@aol.com
Roanne · from
Australia
Jun 20, 1998 · 21:50
Hi
- I have just found your website and have been having a quick read. I
will certainly be visiting it again. My daughter, Courtney, was born on
28 Feb '98. She went to full term. She was our dream come true. 20 hours
later she passed away while my husband and I held her in our arms. She
had severe metabolic acidosis - cause unknown. My doctor had seen this
only once before - 14 years earlier - and there were no answers then. So
we are not expecting any answers now. We are learning to get through
each day without our precious little angel. I would love to hear from
other mothers whose children have passed away from an unknown cause.
Email Address: roannem@au1.ibm.com
Kimberly Holmes · from Atlanta,
Georgia
Jun 25, 1998 · 16:14
My
son Bradley was born on Jan 23,1997 at 34 weeks. When I was 16 weeks
pregnant I had an ultrasound that showed he had a blockage which was
keeping him from urinating which in turn was damaging his kidneys. The
doctor said that it was correctable after birth so I was hopeful. If
only I would have known then what was really wrong. At 32 weeks the
ultrasound showed very little amniotic fluid so the doctors decided to
induce me at 34 weeks they just wanted 2 weeks to give me steroids to
help my baby's lungs. Bradley was born weighing 5lbs 9ozs (very big for
him being preemie) He needed no oxygen and was able to breathe perfectly
on his own. When I saw him I knew that what the doctor said was wrong
with him was not true. He was diagnosed with Prune Belly Syndrome. As
time went he also developed bradycardia and apnea and was on home
monitoring. He went into cardiac arrest 2 times but made it and he was
in the hospital more then he was at home. I was so scared when he came
home. I wasn't sure if I would know what to do because he was so sick
but I did it. He was the sweetest baby ever. He went through so much (29
hospitalizations, 2 surgerys, 2 cardiac arrests, seizures and so many
IVs that he had no veins) I thought he was getting better because he had
not been in the hospital in a month but on September 25,1997 he passed
away in his sleep at the age of 8 months. I think of him everyday and
wonder why he was taken from me but I know i will be better in time. I
have 2 other children to take care of who are the light of my life.
Sometimes though I wonder why God would give me my Bradley and teach me
how to take care of him only to take him away so suddenly. I watched my
baby go through so much and there was nothing I could do. I learned how
to be strong for him. I just haven't learned how to be strong for me.
Email Address: erholmes@bellsouth.net
Shannon Bishop · from Jasper,
Alabama
Jun 26, 1998 · 22:28
On
June 3, 1998 I delivered a beautiful stillborn son. He was exactly 40
weeks. We found out the night before that he was no longer living. Cause
is still unknown, but preeclampsia is suspected. It is still a very new
and sensitive subject, but I am trying my best to deal with it. I've
found that so many people have gone through the same thing, and it
really scares me. I know we want to have other children, but I know I
will be so afraid. I'm hoping mend will help me deal with some issues
that I am facing now and will have to face in the future. For now, I
just feel like talking about it is the best therapy, although the
expensive kind is helping too. In some ways I guess it helps to know
that I'm not the only one, even though I would never want this to happen
to any one. Someone told me that to bury your child is the hardest thing
to live through, but if you do live through it, you will end up a much
stronger person. I think I agree. Thanks.
Email Address: wsbishop@mindspring.com
Wendy Wilburn · from Ft. Stewart,
Georgia
Jul 2, 1998 · 02:46
Mallory was born premature and with a heart
defect.She lived a short 2 months after enduring 3 hospitals and many
operations.My husband and I are both in the Army and endure numerous
separations. Soon after Mallory's death my husband was deployed to
Kuwait.I'm seeking the support of other military families.
Email Address: chris_wendy@CLDS.NET
Wimberly Ayles · from Lewisville,
TX
Jul 2, 1998 · 12:30
We
are approaching the 4th year anniversary of our son Alec's death at 21
weeks. It's hard to believe it has been that long ago. He touched our
lives so deeply. We now have a beautiful healthy daughter who was born
at 26/27 weeks. We are extremely blessed. Both times I was diagnosed
with chorio (infection of amniotic fluid). Anyway, I just wanted anyone
out there to know that if they needed anyone to talk to that I was here.
I would have given anything to have this access when I was going through
that awful time.
Email Address: Aylesw@ci.farmers-branch.tx.us
Kimberly Jones · from St. Croix, US Virgin
Islands
Jul 3, 1998 · 23:09
Mother to Sydney Claire born 11/6/98 Charley
Beatrice stillborn 4/7/98
Email Address: jones@viaccess.net
Jamie Oliveaux · from Hillsboro,
TX
Jul 5, 1998 · 00:23
Yesterday, July 3, 1998 was my daughter July
Sunset's 1st Birthday. She was stillborn at 27 weeks due to severe fetal
hydronephrosis. It was a very difficult day, but surrounded by family
and lots of love. I felt the need to see the page today and tell those
of you with a birthday/anniversary approaching what my husband and I
did. I needed to hear what others before me had done and I tho't there
might be a few of you out there wondering the same thing. So here
goes...We had our sweet angel cremated and spead her remains at my
parents ranch where I spent alot of my childhood, so that is where we
went for her birthday. It is a beautiful valley in northeast Tx near the
Red River. I awoke on her day and went outside to her memory tree (her
precious aunts and uncles had it planted for her and her grandparents
had a beautiful stone placed there). I sang happy birthday to her and
thought of how I would have woken her on this her 1st birthday. A little
later I baked a cake and with the help of a couple of her cousins wrote
Happy 1st Birthday Sunset. My mom and dad along with the aid of various
family members planted lovely moss rose around the stone and other rocks
we have placed there. It is a very beautiful and peaceful sight. At
sunset we went to the memory tree tied a yellow ribbon around it, laid
flowers and talked of our sweet little angel. We then walked out to the
large tree where we had scattered her remains and scattered daisy petals
and watched the manificent Texas sun set. Back inside we sang Happy
Birthday and cut her cake. I thought it would be strange but it was so
perfect. We did other things during the day. You know, normal living
things, but she was constantly on my mind (as she always is). But it was
her day. My time to celebrate the short time I spent with her. It is my
hope that each of you spend those birthday,anniversaries remembering the
wonderful time you spent with your baby. Hold them especially close,
talk of them, of what you would have wanted on this day. It is amazing
how those loved ones around you will respond. In His Love -
Jamie
Email Address: JOliveaux@aol.com
Jennifer Bowers · from Dayton,
Ohio
Jul 8, 1998 · 06:20
on
april 27, 1998 my boyfriend and i lost our beautiful daughter bailey
victoria kohnen..she was due on april 29 and from what the doctors told
us it was a cord accident. she was our first child, and weighed 6'10
20"long. i do not understand why this happened and until now after
looking at different web sites i thought that losing a baby full term
was kind of rare. i am only 21 years old!!! anyone wanting to talk feel
free to contact me
Email Address: bkohnen@earthlink.com
Julie Mullaly · from St. John's,
Newfoundland, Canada
Jul 8, 1998 · 11:57
My
son Gregroy was born February 11, 1993 and died 2 1/2 hours later. I had
known for 5 weeks prior that he would be born with no kidneys (Renal
Ageneis or more commonly known as Potter's syndrome). Since then we have
had 2 more children. We had one child who was 2 1/2 years old when
Gregory was born. In this last year I have become a single Mom to 3
small children, 8, 4 & 2. I still (after 5 years) have so much
trouble dealing with his death. I guess I have accepted it but I just
ache to hold him just one more time.
Email Address: jmullaly@morgan.ucs.mun.ca
Cynthia Miller · from Houston,
Texas
Jul 10, 1998 · 12:51
My
husband Cory and Ilost our son Matthew Arron on June 17, 1998. I was
entering my 22nd week of pregnancy. I had started bleeding very early
and no cause could be found. During my 16th week my membranes ruptured
prematurely and my water broke. I lost amlost all of my amniotic fluid.
It was suggested that I terminate the pregnancy, but I refused since my
son was still alive. I was told of the risk of infection and that my
chances were only 10 percent. I was put on bedrest and make several
trips in and out of the hospital. During my 18th week my perinatal
specialist told my husband and I that our chances looked better because
the fluid level had increased slighly. He had only delivered 1 healthy
baby from a woman that lost her water so early, I was going to be his
second. I was so sure I would make it, I didn't get and infection and I
never went started labor. On the even of June 15th I suffered a severe
pain in my left abdomen. I was rushed by ambulance to the hospital and
after several tests and ultrasounds, told everything was ok. I was
released Tuesday afternoon June 16th...as I was leaving the hospital I
was concerned about the amount of bleeding I was having and a clot I had
passed right after I was told I could be discharged. I called the nurse
in to see the clot because I was certain I wouldn't be allowed to go
home...they never let me go home before. But to my suprise they said I
was alright and could go home and continue bedrest. I woke up Wednesday
June 17th feeling as if I had a bladder infection. I needed to use the
restroom and nothing happened. I was up for about 1 1/2 hours when on a
trip to the restroom I had the horrible discovery that the cord had come
out. I called 911, but by the time I made it to the hospital my son had
died. I am angry and hurt. I didn't get to hold my son..I didn't know I
could. I wish they would have asked me if I wanted to. My brother was
killed in April and now my son died in June. I loved my brother very
much, but the pain of losing my baby is so much more that I don't think
I can take it. I was told about this site from my sister-in-law. I have
read your stories and I know you feel the pain I'm feeling. But I just
want him back...I fought so hard for him and I feel so empty, so
cheated. I just want to hold my baby...I don't think anything will help
this pain.
Email Address: ccmiller@flash.net
Tracy Utterback · from Mt Pleasant,
MI
Jul 11, 1998 · 07:51
I
am 36 and single and just lost the one and only baby I believed I would
ever have. What a joy to me when I found out I was pregnant. I was 22
1/2 weeks when I found out my daughter had a lethal form of
dwarfism(osteogensis imperfecta type II) The boyfriend of 3 years
decided he couldn't be around, so I have had to deal with this alone. My
family has been great, but I feel I need to speak with others who have
gone through the same thing. Any support/chat group that you can suggest
would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Email Address: tracyutterback@hotmail.com
Michele Butte · from Gate City,
VA
Jul 13, 1998 · 11:05
Our
son Michael David was born on June 23rd, 1998 and Died on June 25th,
1998. He died from what is called Trisomy 18. We were not expecting him
so soon, I was 34 weeks when the doctor did a Emergency C-Section on me
and found out that he was in alot of stress and that if they didn't get
him out right away that he would have died inside of me later that
night. We miss our little boy very very much and we know that he is in
heaven now, but I am very grateful that the Lord allowed us to spend 2
days with him. My son died in my arms and that is something I will
cherish forever. Please E-mail me at anytime.
Email Address: daveb@mounet.com
Diana & John · from Ft Riley,
Kansas
Jul 13, 1998 · 19:52
We
lost our daughter Brittany, 26 weeks into my pregnancy. She was dark
haired and dark eyed-and perfect at 1lb 13 oz. and 13 inches long.
Although we've been blessed since with twin boys, not a day goes past
when we think of what could have been for her-and the joy she brought
into our lives for those twenty-six weeks.
Email Address: momx5@oz-online.net
Sandy · from Arizona
Jul 13, 1998 · 20:20
I
lost a baby in Nov. 1997. It was my second pregnancy and my first child
was born very healthy. I have had and am still having a very difficult
time dealing with my loss. I don't believe that I have ever really dealt
with it and I know that I have not healed. I would appreciate any
communication with anyone who can offer advice or would just like to
talk. I need the support. M.E.N.D. is an excellent organization and I am
so thankful to God for it.
Email Address: grussell@vtc.net
Robin F. Kirtley · from Georgetown,
SC
Jul 14, 1998 · 19:12
I
am looking forward to being a part of M.E.N.D. I lost my daughter when
she was only 10 days old to a rare lung disease(ACD). She was born March
6, 1997 and died March 15,1997. Needless to say it's been tough for my
husband and I and I really need an outlet to help with the healing. I am
looking forward to getting your newsletter. My daughters name was
Christen. She was 7lbs 14 oz. Everything was perfect except for her
lungs. She is greatly missed by her mommy and daddy.
Email Address: RFK1972
Joy Strasburg · from
California
Jul 18, 1998 · 03:11
My
11 week old daughter Chelsea Rae died not quite 2 months ago. I am
looking for the oppotunity to share my loss and my story with someone
who knows what this is like. If you can help me, I would be gratefull.
Thank you Joy
Email Address: joy2u1998@yahoo.com
Sandy · from Arizona
Jul 22, 1998 · 13:57
I
recently submitted my story...and gave an old email address. Since it is
so important to me to be able to have contact with other people who have
also miscarried I want to submit my new email address. I would like to
hear from anyone who would just like to talk or has any advice to
offer....I still have a hard time with the fact that I lost a baby that
I wanted so much. I don't understand...and every month I go through a
very difficult process waiting to see if I am pregnant and then going
through depression when I find out I am not. Please email me anytime.
Email Address: grussell@aepnet.com
Doug & Kim Neblett · from Ft Riley,
KS
Jul 22, 1998 · 16:51
We
were almost 5 months pregnant when we found out are son Alex had died,
although we had 3 other children at the time the pain was like no other
I had felt before Our son was born on December 2 nd 1996,it has been
almost a year and half since our son died the pain in my heart has
started to heal. We have since been blessed with a beatiful baby girl
born on February 27th 1998. Anyone would like to talk to me they can
email at kneblett@oz-online.net
Email Address: kneblett@oz-online.net
DeAnn Baker · from Las Vegas,
NV
Jul 23, 1998 · 20:14
My
daughter Grace was stillborn on October 3, 1996. I'm still trying to
cope with the loss. Not a day goes by when I don't think of her. I look
at the few mementos I have of her on the days that I can bear to. Most
days I shed a tear, say a silent prayer, and hope that someday God will
provide me with the understanding I wish to gain.
Email Address: deanieblv@aol.com
Kerry Witt-Hitt · from Chicago
Jul 29, 1998 · 09:22
I
just lost my daughter Halena Laurel Hitt about 2 weeks ago.I was
inquiring about support groups, hoping to find one close to my area. I
live in the greater Chicagoland area . Any help you can give me will be
most appreciated.
Email Address: kerrywitt@hotmail.com
Dawn · from FL
Aug 4, 1998 · 12:42
Just re-visiting the site. My page is at
http://www.sunflowergal.com I have loss of 2 babies, miscarried jan 97
and my daughter stillborn jan 29, 1998, my webpage has a memorial and
helpful links take care, -Dawn
Email Address: dawn@sunflowergal.com
Kim Taylor · from Lake of the Ozarks,
Missouri
Aug 8, 1998 · 20:47
God
bless you all!!! We lost our first son from Renal Agenesis; Bilateral
(Potter's Syndrome). I still hold in my heart the pride of being his
mother... whether it be here or in heaven. We now have 5 healthy
children. The pain will become easier... but the pride stays forever
strong. Anyone with information on sites relating to Potter's please
email them to me.
Email Address: smfamw7@aol.com
Ellen Gallonio · from Rhode
Island
Aug 9, 1998 · 09:56
my
week old son adrew died may 22,1998. he had transpostion of the great
vessels. i have been reading many websites and have not found many cases
like this. if anyone can relate to my story pleae email me. i also have
had two miscarriages and have two healty beautiful children. i would
love to share my story and also hear someone elses. thank you
Email Address: jeffreygallonio@sprintmail.com
Dawn Sisko · from
Willoughby
Aug 10, 1998 · 19:42
Jacob Edward Sisko was born on June 26, 1998 and on
that day was taken to heaven . I was 28 weeks pregnant when he died,
because of a placenta abruption. l
Email Address: TPCLEARY12@AOL.COM
SAJames · from Springdale,
AR
Aug 11, 1998 · 19:32
I
had a normal pregnancy. Ultrasound was normal. At 36 weeks the baby was
breech so a C-section was scheduled. On July 29th 1198 at 39 weeks Caleb
was delivered. In hours he was on a heli- copter to Children's Hospital
in Little Rock AR. He came home on August 6th. He died on August 7th
1998. Doctors said he had Trisomy 18. We had never heard of it before.
At a time when we should be enjoying our new baby--we are grieving. I
would love to hear from anyone who has lost their child from Trisomy 18.
Email Address: sajames@arkansas.net
Helen & Stewart Fox · from Melbourne,
Australia
Aug 13, 1998 · 05:18
At
37.4wks my baby wasn't moving anymore On checking, we discovered that
she had died. I was induced twice and at 5:40pm on the 23rd May, 1998, I
gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Alexandra wasn't meant to stay
with us and went on to be with God, the pain and hurt will never go
away. We only hope that she is happy and looking down on us with
love.
Email Address: foxsh@dezzanet.net.au
AnnMarie · from Orange
County
Aug 14, 1998 · 19:08
My
husband and I have recently lost our son,Tyler, to premature labor. Last
September we lost triplets the same way. The triplets were born on Sept
29,1997 at 23 weeks and passed away immediately. Tyler was born on June
19, 1997 and passed away on June 30, 1997. He was born at 25 weeks. We
do have a beautiful little girl who just turned 4 and is what keeps us
going. My question for MEND, if you can answer it, is how do you begin
praying again. After Tyler's death, I have not been able to pray. I have
always considered myself a strong Christian but when I pray lately, my
words seem to vanish into thin air. There were soooo many people praying
for Tyler (as well as the triplets) and yet he still did not survive.
Email Address: ampiantoni@aol.com
Therese · from Edmonton,
Alberta
Aug 17, 1998 · 04:11
I
lost my baby last year when I was 16. I have not talked about it very
much, I don't understand why it still haunts me...things have gotten
better but I cannot "get over" this. It's good to read stories from
strong people who can go on with their lives, I hope I will
too.
Email Address: Not
available
Christina Daniels · from Granbury,
Texas
Aug 17, 1998 · 20:18
My
husband and I lost our first and only baby girl Gabrielle Auleen to NEC
(Necrotizing Entercolitis) at 19 days old. She was born at 28 wks and
did so great for 18 days her doctor was amazed at her progress. Although
I had 3 types of infection in the womb she tested negative for all of
them. We thought she was going to be our miracle baby. Then she caught
NEC and died within 17 hours. It was so tragic. I have went to website
after site and have looked at many e-mail lists and have not found one
parent who has had a baby die of NEC. I would love to get e-mail from
someone who has had a baby die of NEC, or anyone with a similar
story.
Email Address: quass@kltymail.com
Sherri Green · from Dallas,
TX
Aug 19, 1998 · 13:15
I
first discovered MEND through a local christian newspaper, but just
recently went on line. What an encouraging support I have found MEND to
be. Last year I got pregnant for the first time. My husband and I were
so happy. I had diabetes and was 36, but the diabetes was very well
controlled and my pregnancy progressed well. I was due in April 1998. At
23 weeks I had severe edema and high blood pressure. My doctor put me on
total bedrest for a week. By that time he detected protein in my urine
and hospitalized me to moniter the baby and my condition to see exactly
what was happening. I deteriorated quickly and suffered from pulomary
edema, which forced a quick c-section at 24 weeks. Julie Ann Green was
born December 22, 1997 |