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M.E.N.D. 1998 Guestbook
The following
entries were submitted by guests during 1998. After reading these
entries, you can click here to close the book.
Holly Arce · from
Fort Worth, TX
Jan 6, 1998 · 13:59
Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary-wife of student
Email Address: SJArce@aol.com
Lynne Tuck · from NC
Jan 6, 1998 · 14:26
I found your page while looking at pages through the Empty
Arms Ring!! I jusy lost a baby right before Thanksgiving!! This is the 4th child I have
lost and it seems like it was harder to bear this time!! I have been through the panic of
subsequent pregnancy checking for spotting each time I had to use the bathroom and holding
my breath as each day came and went!! Although I do have 3 healthy sons, the loss of the
others is no less painful!! I invite you to visit the page for My Little Angel at
http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Marina/6364/page4-2.html and view the poem I wrote!! I
wish I had found your page sooner!! There is a lot of wonderful information here and I
will bookmark it and come back often!!
Email Address: redhot_f@hotmail.com
Monica Hudson · from
Mattoon, IL
Jan 7, 1998 · 21:53
I helped my sister deliver her Son , Cade William on Jan.
1st, 1998. We had known Cade was gone for 18 days. The last movement she remembers was at
11:45 on Dec. 13th. We went to the Emergency room first thing on the 14th. After finding
that Cade was gone, her Doctor refused to induce her labor. She feels fortunate she was
allowed the extra time carrying Cade. I thought it was cruel-my own personal opinion. We
held him and loved him after he was born. He was beautiful-despite the decomposition. He
weighed 3 lbs 7 1/2 oz. and had lots of dark hair just like His Mother's. I hope no one is
offended that I have written Cade's story. You see I feel his loss as if her were my own.
Kristy's Fiancee left her when she was 2 months pregnant so I have been with her
throughout the entire pregnancy and have experienced all of the ups and downs that come
with pregnancy. She had a perfect pregnancy until Cade stopped moving. As we delivered
him, our special nurse Emma gave the reason for losing him. His cord was very short. She
was completely shocked he was able to survive as long as he did. Our Cade is in Heaven His
stay was not long he opened our eyes that life is not kind sometimes and love does not
stop at the edge of this world this to us is his beauty unfurled We'll love you forever
Our dear precious boy Ill see you in Heaven, my sweet If anyone would like to discuss any
loss, it would be a comfort to us. e-mail: monicah@advant.com
Email Address: monicah@advant.com
Leshia M. Nelson · from
Burley, Idaho
Jan 8, 1998 · 17:21
Again, thanks are sent your way for having such a place for
families who have lost a child. We lost our first born baby, Shelby Rosa on November 16,
1997. She was born on November 13, 1997 after a very difficult delivery. She was a very
large girl, 8lb 4oz with big shoulders. We are going through alot of anger. I did all the
right things and everything was short of perfect up until the last 45 minutes of delivery.
She lost to much oxygen. What pain this has brought and what awakening too. We have
already seen life in a total different light now. These pages have literally saved my
sanity. Being able to read and take in what others have gone through, helps. All Gods love
to each of you who hurt. Leshia
Email Address: NelsonLe@tfsd.k12.id.us
Kimberly Stackhouse · from
Edgewood, Maryland
Jan 9, 1998 · 14:22
I lost first baby, my son, Taylor Michael, on October 24,
1997. I was seven months pregnant at the time and doctors hade to induce because Taylor
had died days before from Trisomy 18. I would love to hear from anyone who has experienced
this situation in their life. If you do e-mail me plaese understand it may take me some
time to write back because of my school schedule.
Email Address: skstack1@ndm.edu
Bev and Rodger · from
New York
Jan 12, 1998 · 16:10
We lost our baby today. We were only 10 weeks pregnant, but
we still hurt alot. Don't know where to turn or who to talk to. They are still gonna check
the horomone levels, but that just feels like an empty hope. We both know what has
happened. But we don't know how to deal with our loss...
Email Address: BAH405
Jennifer Coyston · from
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Jan 12, 1998 · 18:32
It is coming up to the year anniversary of my sons death.
Gregory Ryan was born on February 6, 1997 and died on February 8, 1997. He was premature
by 5 weeks, and his little lungs couldn't keep up. He died peacefully in my arms..the best
place for him to be.
Email Address: jcoyston@oxfordproperties.com
Deb Bartnick · from
Marshall, IL
Jan 13, 1998 · 01:54
This is a wonderful site. Our son, Gunnar, was stillborn on
August 27, 1997 due to a placental abruption. He was full term. The pain of loosing him is
so great. I feel like a part of me died with him. I find comfort in knowing that he is
with our Father. I look forward to the day I get to hold him again in heaven. We miss you
Gunnar. Sweet dreams, my baby.
Email Address: d-bartnick@indstate.edu
Jennifer L. Holder · from
Longview, Texas
Jan 15, 1998 · 18:14
I am 21, and I am a mother of a 28 weeker. My sons name was
Payton Raleigh Holder. My pregnancy was perfect until Dec. 5th, that was the day that I
found out that my son was dead. I had noticed that he had not moved in 24 hrs. so I went
to the Dr. She told me that It was a cord accident. If it was meant to be like everyone
keeps saying then why do they call it an accident. An accident is a car wreck or plane
crash, neither of which can take place in a womb. I will forever be in love with my little
man. He was my heart, soul and reason for living. Yet I struggle on to make my life with
my loving husband and friends, somewhat complete with all of their love. I turn to God for
answers and to one day be with my little man again. Until them I will hold you in my heart
Payton.
Email Address: jholder@sunpoint.com
Shauna · from
Pittsburgh, PA
Jan 21, 1998 · 19:14
I am 23 years old and lost the love of my life, Autumn
Elizabeth on October 23, 1997. She was full term and weighed 6lb 15oz. Although I had a
perfect preg- nancy, she was stillborn. The only answer that the doctor could give me was
that she must have laid on the cord and this stressed her causing her to pass meconium.
She was my first baby and we were all looking forward to her so much, but... I guess God
needed my little angel for himself. At least that is what I try to believe. I would love
to hear from anyone out there! I love you Autumn and you will always be my first baby
girl!!
Email Address: linst@pop.pitt.edu
Sloane Silver · from
Greensboro, NC
Jan 22, 1998 · 11:18
I am doing a study on infant mortality in Forsyth County
North Carolina and I am in dire need of some information and/or resources. Can you please
help me out? Sloane
Email Address: shsilver@hamlet.uncg.edu
Don & Maria Kutzner · from
Hurst, TX
Jan 23, 1998 · 01:26
We just lost our first baby girl, Jamie Lynne on Tuesday
Jan 20 at 1:21am. She was beautiful & we miss her. We enjoyed the tact shown at your
sight.
Email Address: musicdon@ix.netcom.com
Jim and Karine Towner · from
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Jan 25, 1998 · 17:59
Jim and I lost our son Troy on December 31, 1997. I had a
perfect pregnancy no complications. Troy was delivered by c-section on December 26, 1997.
He was then diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrom. This condition is fatal. The
only hope for these babies is either a transplant or a three part surgery. We decided to
have the surgery. Troy survived the surgery but the next morning he passed away. I am
trying to find every source I can to help mend my broken heart. I just look foreward to
the day that I can see and hold my little angel again. For now I just hold on to my
memories and hope that they can bring me peace. I just found your web site I look forward
to exploring it more and hope it becomes a comforting source to me as to the others.
Email Address: JimTowner@prodigy.com
Ms. Ramos · from
Rhode Isalnd
Jan 26, 1998 · 11:42
I want to thank you for iniciating this web site It has
been a vauble resource for me. I currently work for a agency that deals with young mothers
and I have reffered severl young mothers to this page.
Email Address: Nighhtaol.com
Julie · from
Louisville, Kentucky
Feb 4, 1998 · 20:56
I really needed to find your web page today....it is (would
have been) my son John's first birthday. He was born quite premature, at 25/26 weeks, and
lived for 8 days. I have been both excited for today..and dreading how I would feel at the
same time. Looking for other women to share thoughts and feelings with....I have tried a
few other message boards but did not really make any lasting "friends". I am
also intersted in any medical information from others. Thanks for your help.
Email Address: juliefur@aol.com
Martha Stauder · from
Illinois
Feb 6, 1998 · 15:04
Thank you for such a wonderfully supportive website. Like
most mothers who have lost a child, I have been searching everywhere imaginable for help
in dealing with my grief. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks 11/19/96 and was able to get
pregnant again, but not so easily. My son, Jacob Joseph, was stillborn at 26 weeks on
10/16/97. It was all caused by an infection in my body after an appendectomy 10 days
previously. I nearly died too, and sometimes I which I had so I could still be with Jake.
My due date should have been this week, 2/2 and that has been another difficult hurdle.
Thank God for a great support group, a supportive husband and family. Most people don't
want to talk about my son anymore but I still need to. Thank you for the place and other
resources to go to for help.
Email Address: zaza@htc.net
Karen Ritchey · from
Canada
Feb 9, 1998 · 01:10
I found this site while searching for information to help a
few friends who recently had to say goodbye to their babies, before they had the chance to
say hello... Our firstborn son was stillborn on June 2,1988. No matter how much time
passes, and how many children eventually join the family.... a mothers heart never forgets
the child who should have also been with us. Kyle Landon Ritchey June 2,1988 Forever in my
heart
Email Address: coney@cheerful.com
Wendy Deloge · from
Moosup
Feb 13, 1998 · 20:59
This is a wonderful page. I lost a son 6 years ago and it
was the most devestating thing I have ever experinced in my life. He was born with no
kidney's We never knew there was anything wrong until I went to deliver. The doctors call
it potter syndrome or polycystic dicease of the kidney's I would to hear from any one who
has had a loss. I have had much support. I also belong to a support group called
"HOPE" it is such a wonder full group. Wendy
Email Address: jdeloge01@snet.net
Suzanne Cabrera · from
West Palm Beach
Feb 15, 1998 · 19:50
My husband and I lost one of our triplets, Allison, on
September 17, 1997 just one day after she was born. Her sac ruptured at 20 weeks and her
lungs never had a chance to develop. It is such a mix of joy and sorrow. We have two
beautiful babies, Alex and Rachel, but we miss our precious Allison so much. Everyone asks
if Alex and Rachel are twins. It makes me so sad because I know they are triplets but it
is just too hard to explain. I had 3 miscarriages before this pregnancy so I know Allision
is in heaven with her sisters. It brings some comfort but I will always miss her. I'd love
to hear from others who have lost a multiple.
Email Address: MOCabrera@aol.com
Sheri Kowalski · from
Dallas, Texas
Feb 15, 1998 · 21:36
We lost our son, William Joseph, on August 12, 1997 at 18
weeks due to placental abruption/premature labor caused by large fibroid tumors. I had
anything but a normal pregnancy. I didn't even find out I was pregnant until 7 and 1/2
weeks. I was scheduled for surgery to remove my fibroids. My doctor thought that a
pregnancy with the fibroids was very risky. I began bleeding at 8 weeks and continued to
bleed the whole time. At 13 weeks, I fell and broke my arm. At 16 weeks, my bleeding
increased and the force of my fibroid pushed out a small subchorionic clot that had been
discovered at 8 weeks. I was admitted to the hospital on July 31 and discharged on August
3. I went into labor and delivered my little boy at home by myself on August 12, 1997. He
was perfect in everyway. I know that God was with me that day or I wouldn't have made it.
I would be happy to talk with any other women especially those with fibroids comtemplating
surgery. I had a successful surgery on November 13 and a remarkable recovery thanks to a
lot of prayers.
Email Address: Robert.Kowalski@MIC2000.com
Krista Cox · fromOhio
Feb 19, 1998 · 08:59
I began receiving your newsletter shortly after the death
of our newborn son, Eric. He died of a cord accident the day before our 10th
anniversary,and my sister had twins just 8 weeks prior. Am learning to live each day the
best I can, though all that I do connects to my son.He is in every thought,consumes each
second of my day.I miss him dearly,and still feel very cheated that he is not with me, his
mommy.Beloved precious child,My Eric is the love of my heart. To all the moms who are
going through such sadness,please know you will indeed smile again, laugh again, love
again......:) Peace,Krista
Email Address: coxfamly@bright.net
Tricia Percy · from
Australia
Feb 23, 1998 · 18:07
I am the mother of a baby girl who died in September from
SIDS. I have established a SIDS Parents' Forum page and am hoping to launch a 24 hour
"drop in" style of chat room for SIDS parents. My web address is
http://www.customforum.com/sidsforum
Email Address: phillip@southernisp.net
Grandma · from
Wisconsin
Feb 24, 1998 · 02:25
Hello New Friend: I have greatly enjoyed your pages! It is
obvious that you have given great time and effort to their creation! I have bookmarked
your page for a return visit! It is always a pleasure and very exciting to stumble upon a
page that shows such good taste! Keep up the good work, and don't be a stranger, come on
over and visit ~Grandma~! The coffee's always hot and the cookies are fresh baked!
~Grandma~ is always home and YOU are always most WELCOME!! ~God Bless~ ~Grandma~
Email Address: grandma@pcpros.net
Tami Prangle · from
League City, TX
Feb 25, 1998 · 16:20
We lost our son, Ian Patrick, on 6/17/96 during an
emergency c-section he was full term. He was stillborn only by minutes probably due to a
rare infection in my placenta. I have read all of the entries, and it amazes me the number
of stillbirths and all had healthy pregnancies, as was mine. I always felt so alone
because I had never heard of this happening so close to delivery. I have been in contact
with other women from another website and it has been so wonderful to share our similar
stories of our precious little babies. I have two other children - Andrew 3 1/2 years old
and Abbey who is 7 months. I'm interested in knowing more about bereavement counseling if
anyone can direct me. God Bless us all who have had to experience to tragic death of our
children.
Email Address: prangle@flash.net
Karen Maxwell · from
Charlotte, NC
Feb 26, 1998 · 15:13
yESTERDAY i SUFFERED MY 2ND MISCARRIAGE....MY 1ST WAS
BEFORE cHRISTMAS '96 WHEN WE THOUGHT all was well until I started to bleed at 11 wks..on
ultrasound found fetal sac stopped growing at 6 weeks even though I threw up more last 5
weeks ...so much for hearing if you're really sick everything is ok.well let me back
up.1st lost our 1st child 6 1/2 yrs ago at 9 months after she fell and hit her head on our
fireplace.I thought I would never recover.but did get pregnant without trouble then but
they thought I was threatening to miscarry so for 4 weeks lived in limbo too scared to get
hopes up and missing Meagan....but thank goodness Courtney survived and is my life...then
Fall of '96 got pregnant again easily....and had normal pregnancy until at 11 weeks
started bleeding and had miscarriage.that was really hard because brought back grieving
strong......then last year tried hard to get pregnant and didn't after 6 months so hung it
up since I was 36.but had a surprise when got pregnant this January without trying....I
was so scared.but my Doc promised a ultrasound at 6 wks.....since that was when everything
stopped before...but that showed I was only 5 wks so no heartbeat but Beta HCG was still
high.so next week ..went expecting news.but no heartbeat but sac had grown.so this week at
7 weeks again no heartbeat...and no growth with sac .so having a D and C tomorrow...OR was
full today.....so feeling very sad because at almost 37 don't think emotionally I can do
this again..so also realizing probaly no more babies in my life ....well sorry to ramble
so much...karen
Email Address: cortnysmom@aol.com
Marilyn Sager · from
Richmond, VA
Feb 28, 1998 · 05:11
It is 4:00 AM on March 1st. I have been unable to sleep so
I have come to the one place where I know people will understand my pain. I had a dream
tonight about my baby who was stillborn on November 15, 1997. It comes in waves but mostly
my days are OK. I have joined a support group in my city that has been very helpful for
me. My pregnancy was perfect, I carried to full term and went into very normal labor. My
husband and two kids loaded me into the car and off we went to the hospital to deliver our
new baby girl. There was no heartbeat after being hooked up to the monitor and the
ultrasound proved the docs suspition. We had lost our baby due to placenta abruption and
there was no hope for her. I am so sad and will never forget the sight of her small coffin
being laid into the ground. I am very happy that I have a place to go and vent where
people will not judge me and tell me to," get over it". You are a G-D send and I
thank you so much for having this websight. I would love to hear from anyone who would
like to have a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to you without giving you advice.
My computer is always open! Lots of love to you all and G-D bless. Marilyn in Richmond
Email Address: werafamily@erols.com
Cindy & Bubba · from
Louisiana
Mar 3, 1998 · 00:58
I gave birth to Katherine Angelena "Katie Angel"
February 26,1998 at 5:27pm. She passed away during the early hours of that morning inside
my womb. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. The nice thing was that we
were able to hold her. We knew the outcome of this pregnancy wouldn't be a happy one but
we hoped that we would be able to hold her alive. That didn't come true but we were able
to hold her without the fear of doctors taking her and hooking her to machines. She was a
beautiful little girl. She weighed 2 pounds 3.8 ounces and was 12 1/2 inches long. Her big
sister, Jourdan age 4, was the best! All she wanted to do was hold her and love her and
she got to do all of that and more. We all miss her terribly and wonder if we'll ever be
better? All we want is to hold her and I can't seem to stop crying. Help if you know what
we're going through. I'd just like another ear.
Email Address: cinbub@worldnet.att.net
Jessica Orley · from
Ohio
Mar 3, 1998 · 14:22
Thank you for the wonderful website. I lost my son, Blake
Alan Thornton on October 7, 1996 due to his premature birth. It had been an unplanned
pregnancy, I was only seventeen at the time, but I love him more than I knew was possible.
I wish I had known about this page sooner, but a year and a half after Blake's death I
still think of him and miss him everyday. Your page has been helpful to me, even though I
didn't find it until now.
Email Address: jo356697@oak.cats.ohiou.edu
Shannon Yeager · from
CA
Mar 6, 1998 · 14:31
I miss Adrianna very much.
Email Address: dusty_rose_1973@yahoo.com
Brandy Franks · from
Oklahoma
Mar 10, 1998 · 22:48
I am A mother of one beautiful 18 month old little girl.
December 26 I found out I was pregnant with my second child and although it wasen't the
best news at the time it grew on me and my husband the idea of a baby brother or sister
for our daughter was wonderful. And Then yesterday I had a doctors appointment when the
nurse went to listen to the heartbeat and coulden't find one I knew right away there was
something wrong she went and got the doctor and when he coulden't find the heartbeat he
sent me to get an ulstrasound. Then it was confirmed the baby was there so little huddeled
up in a ball with no signs of a heartbeat or movement but completely formed. My husband
and I went back to the doctors office and he gave us the news. and recommended a d&c I
quickly agreed and this morning the opeation was performed. I don't know how to feel and
my husban as good as he is dosen't know what to say to make my pain subside Ifound this
site and thought someone might know how i'm feeling if so please e-mail me this has been a
very traumatic experience for me and my family and Iwould really love to talk
Email Address: jfranks@ou.edu
Heather Mesmer · from
Amherst, New York
Mar 21, 1998 · 20:08
I gave birth to Gerald Joseph Mesmer (Jerry Joseph;J.J.),
my first baby on July 22, 1997. He was stillborn. My husband and I didn't know that I was
pregnant until May 23, 1997. I was already in my seventh month. The doctor thinks it was
caused by the imbalance in the thyroid (I had my thyroid removed 10 years ago). We all
heard his heartbeat on July 14, 1997. Then, on July 21, when we went for our regular
visit, there was no heartbeat. They think he had been gone for 3-5 days. On July 22, they
induced labor. They tried an epidural, but it didn't work, and as a result, I have
constant pain in my back.We were supposed to get married on October 4, 1997. When I found
out I was pregnant, we moved the wedding up to June 14, 1997, and really didn't get to
have anyone there. It wasn't important at the time, though, because we were looking
forward to J.J's arrival. We miss him so much, and wish he was here with us. Thank you to
M.E.N.D. for allowing people to share their thoughts, offering comfort and support for
others.
Email Address: 25heather@msn.com
Michele Shelton · from
Fairfax Virginia
Mar 23, 1998 · 01:01
I need help dealing with the loss of my baby girl Alexi
Taylor on Thursday March 12, 1998...I miss her with all of my heart...My little angel did
not even have a chance we lost her due to a subchoronic hemmorage that had not healed.. I
was on bed rest for 3 and 1/2 months but the hemmorage was still growing...Because of this
I had to have an emergancy induction and she was lost during birth...I was only in my 21st
week of pregnancy...How could she have been taken away so fast when I fought so hard to
save her???I love her so much!!!!!!
Email Address: MAG595@aol.com
Anonymous · from MD
Mar 23, 1998 · 13:38
Here goes. I lost my precious twins on March
21,1994. I spent a couple of years dealing with infertility, and so my
husband and I were thrilled to find out about the boys! Everything went
well until the 25th week of pregnancy. My sons were born too early, and
they lived for two days. I want to say things are better, but I still
miss them each day-all day. As time passes people expect you to move
on-some don't even acknowledge our loss anymore. My husband and I deal
with our loss separately. I guess I want everyone to feel what I feel. I
do have a son who is two, and he is my life. Still, I will never forget
each feature of my angels' faces. They are always in my heart! Sorry so
long - just needed to get it out.
Email Address: Not
available
Melissa Clouthier · from The Woodlands,
Texas
Mar 27, 1998 · 23:15
I
gave birth prematurely at 25 weeks to identical twin boys on June 20,
1997. Andrew died 10 days later from an overwhelming infection he caught
at the hospital. Harrison survived and spent four and 1/2 months at the
hospital. The pain and loss I feel is still acute. Some days I think I
will lose my mind. Most people think I should be over it by now and that
I am lucky to have "at least one". I am blessed to still have Harrison,
but no child can take another child's place. This web site is what I
have searched for. Thank you.
Email Address: MClouthier@aol.com
Lori Mills · from Grand Rapids,
Michigan
Apr 4, 1998 · 07:06
Thank you so much for a wonderful website. I
appreciate the Christian viewpoint!! The death of a child is a horrible
thing, but for those without Christ---there is little hope. Our
daughter, Cassidy Anne, was stillborn at 37 weeks. Her cause of death
was considered cord constriction. She was our fourth child and born on
her oldest brothers 9th birthday. What a way to remember every year... I
will continue visiting the MEND site as it has brought much comfort to
me over the past few months. Thank you.
Email Address: Maleea1940@aol.com
Sarah Kerebshian · from Minneapolis,
MN
Apr 5, 1998 · 18:28
WE
lost our son, Luke Tyler, on 12-20-97. He was born a "normal" healthy
boy, 8 lbs. 5 oz. 21 inches on 12-16-97. On the day that we were
planning to leave the hospital to go home, he stopped breathing while he
was in my arms sleeping. The doctors say he died of SIDS. It is so hard
to deal with and cope with losing him. All the studies say that SIDS is
usually for 3-4 month olds, not 2 day old babies still in the hospital.
I walk around with a lot of guilt. That if I would have noticed sooner
he maybe would have been able to make it. Maybe they could have revived
him and he would have still had brain activity... The doctors and nurses
were able to revive him, but he had lost all his upper brain activity
and only had his brain stem left. He lived for 2 more days on every
machine that you can think of. His prognosis was getting worse by the
hour. My husband and I had to make the hardest decision that a parent
will ever have to make- to take your child off life support or not... We
decided that if Luke was going to experience a miricle and survive, it
would not happen with all the tubes and machines, he had to decide. So,
he did try to make a few breaths on his own and his heat beated for a
few minutes on it's own, but ultimately, he could not survive and now he
is with Jesus in heaven. He died in our arms. It was a very peaceful
experience. Now, we are taking one day at a time. It is wonderful
looking at our photos and video from the hospital. Luke lives on in our
memories and in our hearts he will always be our little sweatheart. I
would like to talk with others who have experienced a loss of a child to
SIDS during the 1st few days of life. According to our doctor, SIDS is 1
in 1,000 and to have achild die of SIDS so early is 1 in 1,000 of that 1
in 1,000. We feel very unlucky and lonely.
Email Address: sarah.kerbeshian@medtronic.com
Rich & Jana Johnson · from Englewood,
Colorado
Apr 7, 1998 · 16:00
My
husband and I were given a beautiful son, Markus Laine Johnson, on
December 22, 1997. He weighed 2lbs. 15 and 1/2 oz.. Markus was born at
28 weeks, due to me having a severe case of toximia/pre-eclampsia. He
had lots of blonde wavy hair. He was perfect in every way. Markus's
health was outstanding for a premie. He was breathing on the vent with
only 5 assists, doing very well. On January 1, 1998, Markus aquired a
blood infection which inturn did not allow blood flow to his brain. We
gave him back to our Lord on January 8, 1998. Rich held him, gave him a
kiss, and while Markus took his last breath, I kissed him goodbye. Our
son brought us and our family many blessings. We both look forward to
seeing our little boy in heaven. I was so glad to find this site on the
web. I look forward to coming here to visit often. May everyone who
visits also be blessed. Nu 6:24-25
Email Address: Sprinkhill@aol.com
Sherri · from San Antonio,
Tx
Apr 8, 1998 · 11:33
My
daughter, Savannah, was born prematurely on Feb.18th. I was suffering
from poly-hydramnios. Savannah passed away 20 hours later.She dies in my
arms. She had hypaplastic left heart syndrome. We found out 2 hours
before she was delivered c-section. My pain is unbearable at times. This
web site has given me hope. I would appreciate hearing from other
parents on how they are coping. I have an 8 yr old and a 5 yr old. I am
very concerned that I am handling their grief in the right way. They are
so young to have to deal with such a loss. It is not fair. They wanted
their baby sister so badly, we all did. Savannah would have been 7 weeks
old today. Somedays I feel I can not go on but my 2 children let me know
otherwise. I am keeping myself as busy as possible, it is easy with 2
very active and involved children. I have so much to be thankful for, a
loving husband, supportive family and friends, but all I can see is my
loss. I feel as if I am being punished, my family is being punished. I
also suffered a miscarriage last April at 14 weeks. I do not feel as
alone now that I have found this website. If anyone knows of a site that
offers a chat for parents that are suffering with this, could they
please send me the info? I would appreciate it.
Email Address: tstss@aol.com
Leah Orrick · from Denison,
TX
Apr 8, 1998 · 13:46
The
only computer I have is at work. My address is P.O. Box 386, Denison, TX
75021 I have hade 5 miscarriages and 2 ectopic pregnancies and it is
very hard for me at times to know how to cope. I an 32 and my husband
has also died so everything seems to be a struggle at the moment. I just
looked up miscarriage on the computer and broused and found the site.
Any suggestion anyone has would surely be of great help.
Email Address: denisonglass@texoma.net
Becki Garrison · from Havelock, North
Carolina
Apr 12, 1998 · 23:15
My
first son, Tristan Lee was still born on May 18, 1996 at 36 weeks. The
doctors do not know what caused him to pass on. I had a normal pregnancy
with no complication. I went into early labor and when I got to the
hospital, the nursers could not find a heart beat. A sonogram confirmed
that my precious baby boy had died inside of me. Deliverling him was the
hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I had to say goodbye to
him before I ever got to say hello. It will be two years this May and
the pain is still there and will never go away. Thank you so much for
this web site, it has really helped me out when I needed it. I am happy
to say that Tristan now has a baby brother Korbin Pierce, born 9/17/97
to watch over. I miss you Tristan and I will never forgot you! Some
people dream of angels and I held one in my arms! I love you!
Email Address: korbinsmom@usa.net
Kim Craig · from Omaha,
Nebraska
Apr 17, 1998 · 02:12
Thank you for this site and your newsletter. It is
so comforting to finally get something in the mail besides baby coupons
and magazines. It is the one-year anniversary of our precious son's
birth and death. Martin Joseph Craig III, known to us as Baby Joey, was
born at 30-32 weeks April 17, 1997. His died due to prematurity and a
heart defect. He was our first child that we had waited and tried a long
time for. I miss him and love him so very much. Today and over the past
year, I reflect on "Footprints" and believe that my Lord has and will
continue to carry me. Thank you. Kim
Email Address: Ferocia@aol.com
Julianne Johnston · from Cedar Falls,
Iowa
Apr 20, 1998 · 16:14
I
have done some browsing on this site and have found a lot of comforting
suggestions/thoughts. It is nice to go somewhere that you can feel
"safe" -- where others understand. At the end of February at my 27th
week of pregnancy, my measurement was a little too small and I was sent
to a specialists. Eventually, we found out our baby doesn't have kidneys
and hasn't been able to make ambiotic fluid. As a result, her lungs are
expected to be very immature and there has never been a baby with this
condition live for more than a couple of days, and they expect us to be
able to spend less than a couple of hours with our daughter, that we
have named Adrianna. We would feel very blessed to have a at least a few
moments with her to say hello and good-bye and tell her we love her. I
am in my 34th week of pregnancy and am expected to carry full term. When
we were told the news, I immediately felt the hand of God comforting us
and guiding us. The outreach of our neighbors and family has been
tremendous. Obviously, this is a very sad time for us, but we are also
using each off these very special days we have left with Adrianna to
cherish all of her movements and heartbeats. Our 3-year old daughter
Mackenzie has also provided us with a great light as her great health
reminds us there is hope for the future. The extra love she has given us
in these months shows how children really are a gift from God. But
instead of getting the baby clothes organized, we have been planning a
memorial service and making arragements for burial. That is pretty
difficult, although we are thankful we know about her condition now
rather than being totally taken off guard during her birth.. We have
been able to gain a lot of peace from knowing she will be in the arms of
Jesus after her birth -- what a perfect life! STraight my the protection
of her mother's womb to heaven. I am so scared about her delivery. I
know that God will get me through that day, but I know that day will
comeand I will have to say goodbye. Budded on earth, blossomed in
heaven. We will have such a tremendous story to tell our children some
day -- your baby sister is in heaven and we all want to be with her some
day. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and we will be together
again. God has made me a very strong person -- I believe that everything
that has happened in my life has led to this point and he must have a
very big plan for me to give me Adrianna and take her so quickly. I feel
so compelled to tell my story because I know something great is going to
happen from this situation. Lives will be saved because of our
testimony. God hasn't given up on us and we're not going to give up on
him. While we know a miracle could still happen, we are preparing our
hearts for what is medically been told to us. Some day we will fully
understand this. Thanks for letting me tell my story. But it's not over
yet. There will be more to tell.... Julianne Johnston
Email Address: jjohnst@profarmer.com
Andrea M. Weston · from Indiana
Apr 21, 1998 · 20:27
Greatly appreciate the information provided at this
site.
Email Address: andrea@ontario.com
Marianne Shields · from Dallas,
Texas
May 4, 1998 · 15:58
Hi
Rebekah got your email about the website and thought i'd check it out!
it's very nice - you're doing a great job - let me know if you ever need
my help! your friend, Marianne Shields
Email Address: ts1829@aol.com
Laurie Ottinger · from Allen,
Texas
May 4, 1998 · 19:31
What a wonderful site! I feel so privileged to know
the wonderful women behind this site. Your children in heaven (and here
on earth) are lucky to have y'all as moms. Rebekah sent me the nicest
letter upon seeing my daughter Cailey's obituary in the newspaper. She
did not even know me, but she reached out in the very early stages of my
grief. I was so touched. Cailey was stillborn due to cord accident at
35.5 weeks on June 7, 1996. She was our first baby, our first little
girl. We still miss her so much!
Email Address: w001985@airmail.net
Jayne Brown · from Dallas
May 5, 1998 · 18:13
I
was eight months pregnant when I found out that due to a cord accident
my baby girl lost oxygen and died. It was so devastating because I never
thought anything like that would happen to me. I am still learning to
deal with the pain day by day. I have received a newsletter from you and
am interested in your organization.
Email Address: jbrown@swst.com
Vicki · from Alabama
May 9, 1998 · 10:52
14
years ago I lost my son Vance to a cord accident at full term. I did not
have the luxury of a support group and certainly not a web site. This
past Thanksgiving, Nov. 1997, I miscarried at 15 weeks, another son. As
my "due date" draws near and Mother's Day, I have felt a great need for
support. These have been my only pregnancies and I feel so empty. God
must have led me to this site. This summer when we go home to Texas, we
are planting a tree in memory of our Baby Boy. Vance has a grave site
that we can visit. I know that Vance is taking care of his little
brother and that's some comfort. I have written poems to both of my sons
which helps me deal with my pain, my anger, my questioning. Thank you
for this wonderful site, it's a great help to those in need.
Vicki
Email Address: thiele1@yaho.com
Christina Litreal · from Peebles, Ohio,
USA
May 11, 1998 · 21:15
Our
son Samuel David Litreal was stillborn on April 18, 1998. He was three
months premature, and died because the umbilical cord twisted away from
his navel. We are all devastated by his death. We lost his twin at three
months gestation, and were anticipating his birth with great joy. We had
a mis- carriage two months before this pregnancy, so this child was
very, very important to us. I have lost to date, three sons, and had
three miscarriages, in the last 11 years. I do have two beautiful girls,
ages 7 & 9, and my husband has two children, a boy, age 12 & a
girl, age 16. These children were our first together, and we desperately
wanted them. We are both 35 years old, and feel that time is running out
for us. I know God doesn't make mistakes, but it still hurts anyway. If
you have any information that could prevent this tragedy from happening
again, please, please,write to me. Thank you. In Christ, Chris
Email Address: nonny1@bright.net
Ray and Sharon Wiseman · from Irving,
TX
May 11, 1998 · 22:27
Weve really been touched reading about what so many
have gone through. Our identical twin boys, Stephen and Antipas Wiseman
died perinatally and were delivered on May 1st 1998. We believe they may
have died due to TTS, or twin transfusion syndrome. They also may have
died due to a cord accident, perhaps related to the same situation. We
are heartbroken, and of course we may never know specifically 'why', but
the love of our dear Lord Jesus Christ, and that of His Body, the
church, has enveloped us, and has been the balm to our aching hearts.
Our children too are grieving, but we are encouraged that they are
talking it out. Getting to deliver them and being able to give them a
proper goodbye was such a help to us during this devistating time. All
of us are so sad that we will never have our twin boys to hold. Please
write us if you have had the same experience, especially with twins.
Thank you, Grace to you, and peace from God our Father and the Lord
Jesus Christ. The Wisemans Psalm 22:40 "I was cast upon thee from the
womb: thou art my God from my mother's belly."
Email Address: r.wiseman@juno.com
Kristin · from Florida
May 12, 1998 · 19:55
After having read this guestbook, I am at a loss
for words. This is a beautiful web site. If only something like this had
been available even as recently as 1993. Our first son was born Jan
1993. I ended up getting pregnant soon after his birth. At 21 weeks of
pregnancy, my inlaws came to visit for the week. We went out to dinner,
came home, lounged a little and then went to bed. I woke up at 3:30 with
the worst cramps that I had ever had in my life! Within 45 minutes, I
had given birth to our son. My mother inlaw was there to help but even
now she and I "avoid" talking about what happened. When the ambulance
came, the techs. carried me down the stairs with Christian between my
legs. Just outside the front door, one of the guys tripped and they both
lost hold of the gurney! By the time we got to the hospital, there was
even less hope that CHristian would survive. I don't remember that a
pastor came in and asked if we wanted our son baptized. In my dazed
state, I declined. I will always live with the regret of not even
remembering that I was asked. Not to mention that our little guy wasn't
baptized!! He was such a cutie (even in death). He had the blackest head
of hair that I had seen. His little almost 2 lbs. body was perfect. Such
little hands they were! We had no explanation at the time for what
caused this. Then, when I got pregnant again the next year, I ended up
in bed for most of the pregnancy due to bleeding. We found at 12 weeks
that I had cervical incompetance and that 14 weeks they needed to put a
stitch in my cervix so that I could carry the baby full term. The normal
and quick procedure was to go in vaginally, put the stitch in and then
be done. NOT! They couldn't find enough of my cervical opening. They had
to schedule an abdominal cerclage (very rare) at 20 weeks. It was touch
and go during the surgery but.... it was well worth it. We now have a
happy, attitudinal 3 year old little girl. It's amazing how people
expect those of us that have gone through this to "get over it". It's
not that easy though is it? How can it be. Every August 8th since we
lost Christian, I say a silent happy birthday to him. It's been 5 years
now and I miss him so much. People say "You should be lucky, you have 2
healthy children. They don't realize (or care to imagine) that a child
can not be replaced. NEVER. Because of my cervical incompetance, I had
my tubes tied. But what I wouldn't do to give birth to another child!
This site is a God-send. I am thankful that there is finally a site that
lets us grieve or talk without worry or fear as being tagged "nuts".
Thank you! Kristin
Email Address: kkeene@mindspring.com
Lesley Reany · from New
Jersey
May 16, 1998 · 11:36
My
daughter, Caitlin Elizabeth Reany, was born still at 40weeks on February
9, 1998. Cause: Placenta Eruption with massive internal hemmoraging.
Here is our story, sorry that it's so long: Our Story: Sunday February
8th, 1998 Went to sleep feeling for your nightly kicks, everything's
okay. It's any day now, doctor says your due Thursday the 13th this
week. You got a perfect Sonogram score two weeks ago and you haven't
dropped yet. I think your small and I wish I knew what to expect, will
it be the middle of night? Will my water break? Nothing can go wrong
now...or so I believed. Can't wait for you to get here. I never thought
that I'd be a Mom since Poly Cystic Ovary Disease has left me infertile,
I am now 37 years. Your daddy and I were frantically planning our
wedding and I discovered that I was 17 weeks pregnant with you on
September 17th, 1997. Wedding went on October 4th, I had my dress taken
out a few inches to make room for you...daddy is so excited and so are
your grandparents, aunts, uncles and future friends. Monday, February
9th, 1998 Woke up about 8:00am feeling okay. Began experiencing some
cramping, daddy left for work and took his baby beeper...waiting for the
911 call. Called my Mom in Atlanta to talk through my cramps, something
wasn't right since they weren't subsiding. Cramps let up and I called
the doctor...waiting for a call back. Nurse says to come in for fetal
monitor check. I believe that everything is fine. I take a shower, put
the last final details in my birthing bag and hospital suitcase.
Vomiting sets in, maybe the flu? Call nurse, the pain is becoming
unbearable and the doctor is to meet daddy and I at the hospital. He got
his 911 call and he is on his way. I'm sorry, I'm unable to cope with
the pain and I need Daddy. Maybe this is transitional labor, I don't
know, I've never experienced this before. My water hasn't broke, no
bleeding or other signs that your in trouble. However, I feel like your
up in my rib cage and your not moving. This is not unusual for you, I
know your patterns and moods, your quiet in the day and sometimes scare
me. But believe me, you were an active little soul after the 19th week.
You even did a few somersaults. I think your a boy and so does everyone
else. I know Daddy wants a boy and I a girl but neither of us care as
long as your healthy and happy. If your a boy your name will be Sean
Michael Reany and if your a girl your name will be Caitlin Elizabeth
Reany. Elizabeth is my Mom's name. Get to the hospital, it's now about
12:30pm. They make me wait for a room. Fetal Monitor is on and the nurse
can't find your heartbeat. She's confusing yours with mine which
obviously is low. Sonogram now...no heartbeat. Questions, people in and
out. Daddy is smiling over me now saying that everything will be fine.
2nd Level Sonogram - you've definitely died. Daddy's still saying
everything is okay but I know it's not. Stupid doctor says "you can have
more children" I wanted to scream " I don't want more children I want my
baby back, you've made a horrible mistake!" I tell the doctor that I
can't be awake and wait for you, it's to painful. Not an option, they
give me Potosin to induce my labor, Demerol and Magnesium Sulfate (my
blood pressure is soaring). We had a great pregnancy, I wish I knew
about you sooner than I did so we had more time together. You were with
me at my bridal showers, wedding and honeymoon. Remember all the pretty
fishes we saw in Central America, remember the Manatees? Did you hear
Daddy and I fighting? Sometimes over you? I love you. I'm still waiting
at the hospital in the labor room, the pain is intolerable. Diagnosis:
Placenta Eruption with massive internal hemorrhaging and clotting.
Reason: Unknown. 11:07pm: You are born. The hours before are a blur.
Three pushes. I don't look and they don't ask if I want to hold you or I
don't remember. I keep looking over a the baby warmer where you lay, I
think something's wrong with you and I'm afraid. I ask if your a boy or
girl sometime later. Your a girl, my daughter. The nurse and friends
call and visit over the next 6-8 hours and say I must see you and you
are beautiful. My friend Maggie from work visits first thing, holds my
hand...I'm still in shock.Doctor says that there is nothing for my
family. Your grandparents flew in from Atlanta, grandma's holding my
hand, grandpa's crying. We plan for the funeral for Friday. They finally
move me to a new room, I lost 50% of my red blood and they say I have to
stay two more nights. I just want to hold you and for you smile back at
me. This I will discover is never going to happen. Karen, a nurse here
is expecting her first child, she asked me if I wanted to bath you. I'm
sorry Caitlin, I'm not strong enough for this. About an hour later she
brings you up to Daddy and I. She begins to place you in my arms, I tell
her to hold your head, please don't hurt you. Your lovely, you look just
like Mommy, round cherub cheeks and brownish hair, the family button
nose. Your so cold and your eyes are closed, oh honey I'm sorry. What
have I done?! I can't bear this pain, the nurse comes to take you and I
scream once your gone. I can't accept this. She brings me your little
footprints and hair along with your blanket and things that you wore
when you were born. I ask "what are you wearing" are you warm?" Grandma
took all your things out of my bag and took them home, except your snow
suit that I donated to the hospital. Daddy will bring you a new
nightgown to the funeral home, I'm too sick to come angel, I'm sorry but
I'll see you Friday. Friday, February 14th: 11:00am Small service with
our families and a few friends. Daddy put some of your toys and our
wedding pictures along with a picture of Samantha our cat in your little
casket. Everyone's brought or sent you flowers and cards. Ironic that
it's Valentines Day. I will never celebrate this day again without a new
meaning and memory. Casket is open and people are standing in the
back...slowly they walk forward and say good-bye. I kiss your nose and
begin unwrapping you, daddy pulls me away gently. Valium and cigarettes
are my only friend today, I'm sorry Caitlin...I know you hate
cigarettes, there bad for me. It was to easy to go back to them. Funeral
is lovely and you are being buried with your great-grandparents in the
lovely spot. I know that your grandfather will plant flowers for you
next week, he comes here often. Your beautiful name is being carved in
the stone this year sometime in honor of your memory. Where are you
sweety? Are you happy? Do you know who I am? That I loved you? Last
Entry, April 17th. Back to work Monday. Daddy and I are moving to
Atlanta as we always planned. We hope to make a brother or sister for
you soon, I'm ovulating normally now thanks to you. We fight a lot, I'm
sorry. I hope that things will get better, I'm so bitter, angry, guilty
and depressed. No one calls...no one wants to hear about you anymore. I
know they think "why can't she go on"? Even Daddy, but I know that he
thinks of you each day and is strong for me. I will not forget you.
"Those who cannot hear the music, think the dancer is mad..."
Email Address: lreany@earthlink.net
Rosanne Hood · from Lewisville,
TX
May 19, 1998 · 02:05
My
husband, Michael & I lost our first baby, Rhiannon Nicole to SIDS
(although now we wonder if it was immunization related death ... even so
... death is death and grief is grief). Five years later - in 1997 -
someone handed me a copy of a M.E.N.D. newsletter and I attended a
meeting of the Subsequent Pregnancy group. (We had a sucessful
subsequent pregnancy and our 2nd daughter is a healthy 4 yr. old.)I went
with the thought of being able to somehow minister to others and left
feeling like I had been ministered to. Then months later, on the 5th
anniversary of our daughter's death date, M.E.N.D. was the group that
remembered and honored this day. We were so touched. I Thank God for
this very special group!
Email Address: rhood@airmail.net
Kim Wheaton · from
Australia
May 22, 1998 · 07:22
20th May 1997 I lost my baby at 36 1/2 weeks due to
my uterus rupturing. The grieving process never goes away just dulls.
This last week has been very hard and emotional for me. I am so glad to
have found your site. It is all a great help. I am also looking for
other women this has happened to, can you help? My situation is rare as
I was not in labour, it was spontaneous. I would also like to find out
if any women who have had this have had any children after as I have
been told that I shouldn't. Thanks!!!!
Email Address: KIMWHEATON@bigpond.com
Melissa Lynch · from Winchester,
KY
May 26, 1998 · 10:48
I
delivered James Coleman at 20 weeks. The autopsy and subsequent testing
revealed no cause for his death.
Email Address: mlynch_98@yahoo.com
Kim Wheaton · from
Australia
May 29, 1998 · 05:24
Dear Rebekah, thanks for getting back to me. I
survived the annerversary of my baby's death, his name is Lachlan. I am
still an emotional wreck! Although people say I'm strong, anyway you
know what I mean. I would like to go on your mailing list, thankyou for
asking, my address is 3 Bower Rd, EAGLEBY. Qld. 4207 Australia. Once
again thanks. KIMWHEATON.
Email Address: KIMWHEATON@bigpond.com
Kathy Mitchell · from Sterling Heights,
MI
May 29, 1998 · 22:54
I
lost my first baby at 11 weeks in March, 1996. After 2 more miscarriages
(5 weeks and 6 weeks), I had a series of tests done that determined I
had Luteal Phase Defect. I used Comid and Progesterone and in my 2 month
of trying I got pregnant. 7.5 months into the pregnancy I developed
toxemia, but the baby seemed just fine. At 38 weeks I had a c-section
and Andrew John was born 12/30/97 at 1:34 pm. He weighed in at 8 lbs., 8
oz. and was 20.5 inches long. He is now 5 months old a thriving. I could
never believe the joy that one small person brings to my
life.
Email Address: klm2@gateway.net
Scarlett Smith · from Atlanta,
GA
May 31, 1998 · 21:51
I
had two premature babies within 7 months of each other. Riley (born
7/96) lived 18 days and John Dillon (born 2/97) lived 18 hours. Previous
to that I had a miscarriage and a long period of infertility and
infertility treatments. I am 44 yrs. old. I thank God for my babies and
for the grace He bestowed on my husband and me. Now, I am a grief
volunteer at a hospital, helping other mothers who have lost babies. As
a volunteer, I also edit a newsletter for the Perinatal/Neonatal Loss
department. I would appreciate others' stories.
Email Address: MrsSmith33@aol.com
Jody Crabb · from Vancouver,
WA
Jun 3, 1998 · 17:15
I
enjoyed your web site. I recently lost my second child, in my 20th week
of pregnancy. It helps me greatly to read other peoples stories and
words of wisdom. We are slowly gettig it back together and are hopeful
for our future. Thanks again. Jody Crabb
Email Address: jody@worldaccessnet.com
Laurie · from Canada
Jun 4, 1998 · 21:22
I
recently found this site, just got on the internet. We lost our second
child Taylor November 26, 1996. I was 40 at the time and quite pleased
and surprised to be pregnant. Taylor was born at 36 weeks and died as a
result of a prolapsed umbilical cord. My doctor said this is very rare.
Interested in hearing from any others this has happened to. I hope this
site will give me the support I need to try to overcome and live with
this tragedy.
Email Address: cumming@blazeinet.com
Joel & Dianna Hatfield · from
Dallas, Texas
Jun 11, 1998 · 00:06
Joel & I lost our only son, David Thane
Hatfield, on May 15, 1996. We want to have another baby and need lots of
emotional support. Due to a uterine abnormality, this next pregnancy
will be very difficult. Thank you for the offer of your knowledgeable
support and Christian fellowship.
Email Address: jdhatfld@airmail.net
Lysesha Hughes · from
Maryland
Jun 11, 1998 · 18:14
I
am a mother of two beautiful boys age years and 17 months. I've had one
miscarriage and a fetal demise. My fetal demise was a 4lb 3oz, 19 inches
long little girl. She was born and died 31 Jan 98. Her name was Zinita
Hughes. I've had a healthy 32 week pregnancy which came to a quick halt
when I noticed she stopped moving. My heart goes out to all of the
parents who's had a loss.
Email Address: Twenty672@aol.com
Judy · from Tulsa,
Oklahoma
Jun 12, 1998 · 03:13
I
suffered a miscarriage at 7 1/2 weeks in September of 1994. I was
devastated. Then 3 days after Christmas in 1994 I found out I was
pregnant again. My doctor preformed several ultrasounds early in my
pregnancy because of the previous miscarriage and found everything to be
normal. I felt movement but not alot of kicking. About 6 months into my
pregnancy we found out I had too much amniotic fluid. My doctor said
that he may have some upper GI problems after he is born but that
everything should be fine. The doctor, concerned about the amniotic
fluid decided to perform another ultrasound. It was scheduled for 4 days
later. Over the next few days I felt alot of pressure but I mistaked it
as a possible bladder infection or something else going on. The day of
the ultrasound the doctor said to come in early and he would check to
see how I was doing. We got into his office about 9:00AM and I was
already dialated to 10. I was only 30 weeks into the pregnancy. By 11:15
my son was born with Hydrops Fetalis, a rare condition caused by a
genetic disorder. He weighed 5lb 5oz and was 15 1/2 inches long. He
lived almost 3 hours. We got to hold him and say Goodbye to him. Then in
April of 1996 I found out I was pregnant I was elated and scared. Then
in January of 1997 I gave birth to a healthy baby girl, who is now 17
months old. Nothing could replace the babies I have lost and the grief
that I feel. But I wanted to give others out there hope and let them
know I feel their pain. I hope I can help someone else with my story.
Thank You.
Email Address: angel61995@yahoo.com
Cherial Revell · from Columbus,
GA
Jun 14, 1998 · 03:52
We
lost Jocari Deshwn on 12/8/96. He was born at 26 weeks. I went to the
Hospital the day before because I felt something was wrong. I was having
some light contractions and I felt wet all the time. I was hooked to the
monitor, stayed 2 hours and they sent me home and said the baby is fine.
On 12/8 I woke up feeling the same, I went back to the hospital, they
finally checked my cervix and told me I was 6 cm and he had to be born.
No turning back now. I knew the day before that something was wrong. I
feel guilty because I am usually a strong headed person, I am a
Registered Nurse (Although OB is not my field) I should have known
better and been more persistant. Jocari died 8 hours later with Dad and
Auntie at his side. I had an emergency C section and he was shipped to a
hospital that specializes in Neonatal Intensive Care. I could not be
there with him. I just wanted to kiss him one time and tell him that I
loved him. The next time I saw and held him was 2 days after he was
dead. He was cold and still. I held him close, he was the tiniest and
most precious thing that I have ever seen. (1 lb 10 oz) They tell me he
died of Septic shock which means that he aquired an infection from me. I
have a 4.5 yr old John and he loved him baby brother. I guess I am still
blessed to have a son who loves me. Thanks for listening to Jocari's
story. Mommy, Daddy and Big Brother love and miss you!
Email Address: CRevellRN@aol.com
Sharon Weinstein · from NJ
Jun 15, 1998 · 22:37
I
had given birth to girl /boy twins on july 1 1997.my son-joseph died 11
hours later due to complications.we had known since 16 weeks that he
wasn't going to survive.he was diagnosed with a severe blockage to his
bladder.we miss him terribly,i also have a 5 year old son.after reading
all, i now know that i'm not alone here. thanks, sharon
Email Address: Not
available
Lisa Garcia · from The Colony,
TX
Jun 20, 1998 · 03:42
Please tell me more about your organization. I am a
mom.
Email Address: BREMCLAD@aol.com
Roanne · from
Australia
Jun 20, 1998 · 21:50
Hi
- I have just found your website and have been having a quick read. I
will certainly be visiting it again. My daughter, Courtney, was born on
28 Feb '98. She went to full term. She was our dream come true. 20 hours
later she passed away while my husband and I held her in our arms. She
had severe metabolic acidosis - cause unknown. My doctor had seen this
only once before - 14 years earlier - and there were no answers then. So
we are not expecting any answers now. We are learning to get through
each day without our precious little angel. I would love to hear from
other mothers whose children have passed away from an unknown cause.
Email Address: roannem@au1.ibm.com
Kimberly Holmes · from Atlanta,
Georgia
Jun 25, 1998 · 16:14
My
son Bradley was born on Jan 23,1997 at 34 weeks. When I was 16 weeks
pregnant I had an ultrasound that showed he had a blockage which was
keeping him from urinating which in turn was damaging his kidneys. The
doctor said that it was correctable after birth so I was hopeful. If
only I would have known then what was really wrong. At 32 weeks the
ultrasound showed very little amniotic fluid so the doctors decided to
induce me at 34 weeks they just wanted 2 weeks to give me steroids to
help my baby's lungs. Bradley was born weighing 5lbs 9ozs (very big for
him being preemie) He needed no oxygen and was able to breathe perfectly
on his own. When I saw him I knew that what the doctor said was wrong
with him was not true. He was diagnosed with Prune Belly Syndrome. As
time went he also developed bradycardia and apnea and was on home
monitoring. He went into cardiac arrest 2 times but made it and he was
in the hospital more then he was at home. I was so scared when he came
home. I wasn't sure if I would know what to do because he was so sick
but I did it. He was the sweetest baby ever. He went through so much (29
hospitalizations, 2 surgerys, 2 cardiac arrests, seizures and so many
IVs that he had no veins) I thought he was getting better because he had
not been in the hospital in a month but on September 25,1997 he passed
away in his sleep at the age of 8 months. I think of him everyday and
wonder why he was taken from me but I know i will be better in time. I
have 2 other children to take care of who are the light of my life.
Sometimes though I wonder why God would give me my Bradley and teach me
how to take care of him only to take him away so suddenly. I watched my
baby go through so much and there was nothing I could do. I learned how
to be strong for him. I just haven't learned how to be strong for me.
Email Address: erholmes@bellsouth.net
Shannon Bishop · from Jasper,
Alabama
Jun 26, 1998 · 22:28
On
June 3, 1998 I delivered a beautiful stillborn son. He was exactly 40
weeks. We found out the night before that he was no longer living. Cause
is still unknown, but preeclampsia is suspected. It is still a very new
and sensitive subject, but I am trying my best to deal with it. I've
found that so many people have gone through the same thing, and it
really scares me. I know we want to have other children, but I know I
will be so afraid. I'm hoping mend will help me deal with some issues
that I am facing now and will have to face in the future. For now, I
just feel like talking about it is the best therapy, although the
expensive kind is helping too. In some ways I guess it helps to know
that I'm not the only one, even though I would never want this to happen
to any one. Someone told me that to bury your child is the hardest thing
to live through, but if you do live through it, you will end up a much
stronger person. I think I agree. Thanks.
Email Address: wsbishop@mindspring.com
Wendy Wilburn · from Ft. Stewart,
Georgia
Jul 2, 1998 · 02:46
Mallory was born premature and with a heart
defect.She lived a short 2 months after enduring 3 hospitals and many
operations.My husband and I are both in the Army and endure numerous
separations. Soon after Mallory's death my husband was deployed to
Kuwait.I'm seeking the support of other military families.
Email Address: chris_wendy@CLDS.NET
Wimberly Ayles · from Lewisville,
TX
Jul 2, 1998 · 12:30
We
are approaching the 4th year anniversary of our son Alec's death at 21
weeks. It's hard to believe it has been that long ago. He touched our
lives so deeply. We now have a beautiful healthy daughter who was born
at 26/27 weeks. We are extremely blessed. Both times I was diagnosed
with chorio (infection of amniotic fluid). Anyway, I just wanted anyone
out there to know that if they needed anyone to talk to that I was here.
I would have given anything to have this access when I was going through
that awful time.
Email Address: Aylesw@ci.farmers-branch.tx.us
Kimberly Jones · from St. Croix, US Virgin
Islands
Jul 3, 1998 · 23:09
Mother to Sydney Claire born 11/6/98 Charley
Beatrice stillborn 4/7/98
Email Address: jones@viaccess.net
Jamie Oliveaux · from Hillsboro,
TX
Jul 5, 1998 · 00:23
Yesterday, July 3, 1998 was my daughter July
Sunset's 1st Birthday. She was stillborn at 27 weeks due to severe fetal
hydronephrosis. It was a very difficult day, but surrounded by family
and lots of love. I felt the need to see the page today and tell those
of you with a birthday/anniversary approaching what my husband and I
did. I needed to hear what others before me had done and I tho't there
might be a few of you out there wondering the same thing. So here
goes...We had our sweet angel cremated and spead her remains at my
parents ranch where I spent alot of my childhood, so that is where we
went for her birthday. It is a beautiful valley in northeast Tx near the
Red River. I awoke on her day and went outside to her memory tree (her
precious aunts and uncles had it planted for her and her grandparents
had a beautiful stone placed there). I sang happy birthday to her and
thought of how I would have woken her on this her 1st birthday. A little
later I baked a cake and with the help of a couple of her cousins wrote
Happy 1st Birthday Sunset. My mom and dad along with the aid of various
family members planted lovely moss rose around the stone and other rocks
we have placed there. It is a very beautiful and peaceful sight. At
sunset we went to the memory tree tied a yellow ribbon around it, laid
flowers and talked of our sweet little angel. We then walked out to the
large tree where we had scattered her remains and scattered daisy petals
and watched the manificent Texas sun set. Back inside we sang Happy
Birthday and cut her cake. I thought it would be strange but it was so
perfect. We did other things during the day. You know, normal living
things, but she was constantly on my mind (as she always is). But it was
her day. My time to celebrate the short time I spent with her. It is my
hope that each of you spend those birthday,anniversaries remembering the
wonderful time you spent with your baby. Hold them especially close,
talk of them, of what you would have wanted on this day. It is amazing
how those loved ones around you will respond. In His Love -
Jamie
Email Address: JOliveaux@aol.com
Jennifer Bowers · from Dayton,
Ohio
Jul 8, 1998 · 06:20
on
april 27, 1998 my boyfriend and i lost our beautiful daughter bailey
victoria kohnen..she was due on april 29 and from what the doctors told
us it was a cord accident. she was our first child, and weighed 6'10
20"long. i do not understand why this happened and until now after
looking at different web sites i thought that losing a baby full term
was kind of rare. i am only 21 years old!!! anyone wanting to talk feel
free to contact me
Email Address: bkohnen@earthlink.com
Julie Mullaly · from St. John's,
Newfoundland, Canada
Jul 8, 1998 · 11:57
My
son Gregroy was born February 11, 1993 and died 2 1/2 hours later. I had
known for 5 weeks prior that he would be born with no kidneys (Renal
Ageneis or more commonly known as Potter's syndrome). Since then we have
had 2 more children. We had one child who was 2 1/2 years old when
Gregory was born. In this last year I have become a single Mom to 3
small children, 8, 4 & 2. I still (after 5 years) have so much
trouble dealing with his death. I guess I have accepted it but I just
ache to hold him just one more time.
Email Address: jmullaly@morgan.ucs.mun.ca
Cynthia Miller · from Houston,
Texas
Jul 10, 1998 · 12:51
My
husband Cory and Ilost our son Matthew Arron on June 17, 1998. I was
entering my 22nd week of pregnancy. I had started bleeding very early
and no cause could be found. During my 16th week my membranes ruptured
prematurely and my water broke. I lost amlost all of my amniotic fluid.
It was suggested that I terminate the pregnancy, but I refused since my
son was still alive. I was told of the risk of infection and that my
chances were only 10 percent. I was put on bedrest and make several
trips in and out of the hospital. During my 18th week my perinatal
specialist told my husband and I that our chances looked better because
the fluid level had increased slighly. He had only delivered 1 healthy
baby from a woman that lost her water so early, I was going to be his
second. I was so sure I would make it, I didn't get and infection and I
never went started labor. On the even of June 15th I suffered a severe
pain in my left abdomen. I was rushed by ambulance to the hospital and
after several tests and ultrasounds, told everything was ok. I was
released Tuesday afternoon June 16th...as I was leaving the hospital I
was concerned about the amount of bleeding I was having and a clot I had
passed right after I was told I could be discharged. I called the nurse
in to see the clot because I was certain I wouldn't be allowed to go
home...they never let me go home before. But to my suprise they said I
was alright and could go home and continue bedrest. I woke up Wednesday
June 17th feeling as if I had a bladder infection. I needed to use the
restroom and nothing happened. I was up for about 1 1/2 hours when on a
trip to the restroom I had the horrible discovery that the cord had come
out. I called 911, but by the time I made it to the hospital my son had
died. I am angry and hurt. I didn't get to hold my son..I didn't know I
could. I wish they would have asked me if I wanted to. My brother was
killed in April and now my son died in June. I loved my brother very
much, but the pain of losing my baby is so much more that I don't think
I can take it. I was told about this site from my sister-in-law. I have
read your stories and I know you feel the pain I'm feeling. But I just
want him back...I fought so hard for him and I feel so empty, so
cheated. I just want to hold my baby...I don't think anything will help
this pain.
Email Address: ccmiller@flash.net
Tracy Utterback · from Mt Pleasant,
MI
Jul 11, 1998 · 07:51
I
am 36 and single and just lost the one and only baby I believed I would
ever have. What a joy to me when I found out I was pregnant. I was 22
1/2 weeks when I found out my daughter had a lethal form of
dwarfism(osteogensis imperfecta type II) The boyfriend of 3 years
decided he couldn't be around, so I have had to deal with this alone. My
family has been great, but I feel I need to speak with others who have
gone through the same thing. Any support/chat group that you can suggest
would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Email Address: tracyutterback@hotmail.com
Michele Butte · from Gate City,
VA
Jul 13, 1998 · 11:05
Our
son Michael David was born on June 23rd, 1998 and Died on June 25th,
1998. He died from what is called Trisomy 18. We were not expecting him
so soon, I was 34 weeks when the doctor did a Emergency C-Section on me
and found out that he was in alot of stress and that if they didn't get
him out right away that he would have died inside of me later that
night. We miss our little boy very very much and we know that he is in
heaven now, but I am very grateful that the Lord allowed us to spend 2
days with him. My son died in my arms and that is something I will
cherish forever. Please E-mail me at anytime.
Email Address: daveb@mounet.com
Diana & John · from Ft Riley,
Kansas
Jul 13, 1998 · 19:52
We
lost our daughter Brittany, 26 weeks into my pregnancy. She was dark
haired and dark eyed-and perfect at 1lb 13 oz. and 13 inches long.
Although we've been blessed since with twin boys, not a day goes past
when we think of what could have been for her-and the joy she brought
into our lives for those twenty-six weeks.
Email Address: momx5@oz-online.net
Sandy · from Arizona
Jul 13, 1998 · 20:20
I
lost a baby in Nov. 1997. It was my second pregnancy and my first child
was born very healthy. I have had and am still having a very difficult
time dealing with my loss. I don't believe that I have ever really dealt
with it and I know that I have not healed. I would appreciate any
communication with anyone who can offer advice or would just like to
talk. I need the support. M.E.N.D. is an excellent organization and I am
so thankful to God for it.
Email Address: grussell@vtc.net
Robin F. Kirtley · from Georgetown,
SC
Jul 14, 1998 · 19:12
I
am looking forward to being a part of M.E.N.D. I lost my daughter when
she was only 10 days old to a rare lung disease(ACD). She was born March
6, 1997 and died March 15,1997. Needless to say it's been tough for my
husband and I and I really need an outlet to help with the healing. I am
looking forward to getting your newsletter. My daughters name was
Christen. She was 7lbs 14 oz. Everything was perfect except for her
lungs. She is greatly missed by her mommy and daddy.
Email Address: RFK1972
Joy Strasburg · from
California
Jul 18, 1998 · 03:11
My
11 week old daughter Chelsea Rae died not quite 2 months ago. I am
looking for the oppotunity to share my loss and my story with someone
who knows what this is like. If you can help me, I would be gratefull.
Thank you Joy
Email Address: joy2u1998@yahoo.com
Sandy · from Arizona
Jul 22, 1998 · 13:57
I
recently submitted my story...and gave an old email address. Since it is
so important to me to be able to have contact with other people who have
also miscarried I want to submit my new email address. I would like to
hear from anyone who would just like to talk or has any advice to
offer....I still have a hard time with the fact that I lost a baby that
I wanted so much. I don't understand...and every month I go through a
very difficult process waiting to see if I am pregnant and then going
through depression when I find out I am not. Please email me anytime.
Email Address: grussell@aepnet.com
Doug & Kim Neblett · from Ft Riley,
KS
Jul 22, 1998 · 16:51
We
were almost 5 months pregnant when we found out are son Alex had died,
although we had 3 other children at the time the pain was like no other
I had felt before Our son was born on December 2 nd 1996,it has been
almost a year and half since our son died the pain in my heart has
started to heal. We have since been blessed with a beatiful baby girl
born on February 27th 1998. Anyone would like to talk to me they can
email at kneblett@oz-online.net
Email Address: kneblett@oz-online.net
DeAnn Baker · from Las Vegas,
NV
Jul 23, 1998 · 20:14
My
daughter Grace was stillborn on October 3, 1996. I'm still trying to
cope with the loss. Not a day goes by when I don't think of her. I look
at the few mementos I have of her on the days that I can bear to. Most
days I shed a tear, say a silent prayer, and hope that someday God will
provide me with the understanding I wish to gain.
Email Address: deanieblv@aol.com
Kerry Witt-Hitt · from Chicago
Jul 29, 1998 · 09:22
I
just lost my daughter Halena Laurel Hitt about 2 weeks ago.I was
inquiring about support groups, hoping to find one close to my area. I
live in the greater Chicagoland area . Any help you can give me will be
most appreciated.
Email Address: kerrywitt@hotmail.com
Dawn · from FL
Aug 4, 1998 · 12:42
Just re-visiting the site. My page is at
http://www.sunflowergal.com I have loss of 2 babies, miscarried jan 97
and my daughter stillborn jan 29, 1998, my webpage has a memorial and
helpful links take care, -Dawn
Email Address: dawn@sunflowergal.com
Kim Taylor · from Lake of the Ozarks,
Missouri
Aug 8, 1998 · 20:47
God
bless you all!!! We lost our first son from Renal Agenesis; Bilateral
(Potter's Syndrome). I still hold in my heart the pride of being his
mother... whether it be here or in heaven. We now have 5 healthy
children. The pain will become easier... but the pride stays forever
strong. Anyone with information on sites relating to Potter's please
email them to me.
Email Address: smfamw7@aol.com
Ellen Gallonio · from Rhode
Island
Aug 9, 1998 · 09:56
my
week old son adrew died may 22,1998. he had transpostion of the great
vessels. i have been reading many websites and have not found many cases
like this. if anyone can relate to my story pleae email me. i also have
had two miscarriages and have two healty beautiful children. i would
love to share my story and also hear someone elses. thank you
Email Address: jeffreygallonio@sprintmail.com
Dawn Sisko · from
Willoughby
Aug 10, 1998 · 19:42
Jacob Edward Sisko was born on June 26, 1998 and on
that day was taken to heaven . I was 28 weeks pregnant when he died,
because of a placenta abruption. l
Email Address: TPCLEARY12@AOL.COM
SAJames · from Springdale,
AR
Aug 11, 1998 · 19:32
I
had a normal pregnancy. Ultrasound was normal. At 36 weeks the baby was
breech so a C-section was scheduled. On July 29th 1198 at 39 weeks Caleb
was delivered. In hours he was on a heli- copter to Children's Hospital
in Little Rock AR. He came home on August 6th. He died on August 7th
1998. Doctors said he had Trisomy 18. We had never heard of it before.
At a time when we should be enjoying our new baby--we are grieving. I
would love to hear from anyone who has lost their child from Trisomy 18.
Email Address: sajames@arkansas.net
Helen & Stewart Fox · from Melbourne,
Australia
Aug 13, 1998 · 05:18
At
37.4wks my baby wasn't moving anymore On checking, we discovered that
she had died. I was induced twice and at 5:40pm on the 23rd May, 1998, I
gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Alexandra wasn't meant to stay
with us and went on to be with God, the pain and hurt will never go
away. We only hope that she is happy and looking down on us with
love.
Email Address: foxsh@dezzanet.net.au
AnnMarie · from Orange
County
Aug 14, 1998 · 19:08
My
husband and I have recently lost our son,Tyler, to premature labor. Last
September we lost triplets the same way. The triplets were born on Sept
29,1997 at 23 weeks and passed away immediately. Tyler was born on June
19, 1997 and passed away on June 30, 1997. He was born at 25 weeks. We
do have a beautiful little girl who just turned 4 and is what keeps us
going. My question for MEND, if you can answer it, is how do you begin
praying again. After Tyler's death, I have not been able to pray. I have
always considered myself a strong Christian but when I pray lately, my
words seem to vanish into thin air. There were soooo many people praying
for Tyler (as well as the triplets) and yet he still did not survive.
Email Address: ampiantoni@aol.com
Therese · from Edmonton,
Alberta
Aug 17, 1998 · 04:11
I
lost my baby last year when I was 16. I have not talked about it very
much, I don't understand why it still haunts me...things have gotten
better but I cannot "get over" this. It's good to read stories from
strong people who can go on with their lives, I hope I will
too.
Email Address: Not
available
Christina Daniels · from Granbury,
Texas
Aug 17, 1998 · 20:18
My
husband and I lost our first and only baby girl Gabrielle Auleen to NEC
(Necrotizing Entercolitis) at 19 days old. She was born at 28 wks and
did so great for 18 days her doctor was amazed at her progress. Although
I had 3 types of infection in the womb she tested negative for all of
them. We thought she was going to be our miracle baby. Then she caught
NEC and died within 17 hours. It was so tragic. I have went to website
after site and have looked at many e-mail lists and have not found one
parent who has had a baby die of NEC. I would love to get e-mail from
someone who has had a baby die of NEC, or anyone with a similar
story.
Email Address: quass@kltymail.com
Sherri Green · from Dallas,
TX
Aug 19, 1998 · 13:15
I
first discovered MEND through a local christian newspaper, but just
recently went on line. What an encouraging support I have found MEND to
be. Last year I got pregnant for the first time. My husband and I were
so happy. I had diabetes and was 36, but the diabetes was very well
controlled and my pregnancy progressed well. I was due in April 1998. At
23 weeks I had severe edema and high blood pressure. My doctor put me on
total bedrest for a week. By that time he detected protein in my urine
and hospitalized me to moniter the baby and my condition to see exactly
what was happening. I deteriorated quickly and suffered from pulomary
edema, which forced a quick c-section at 24 weeks. Julie Ann Green was
born December 22, 1997 at 1 lb. 3 oz. She was strong and healthy and I
got to hear her tiny cry once before they intubated her. I was still
very sick, but I visited her every day I was in the hospital. She stayed
stable on a respirator, but soon developed CLD (Chronic Lung Disease)
and she was switched to an oscillating respirator. She lived 16 days. On
January we were called. Her condition turned very severe and the doctors
said she would not survive. We got to hold her and I got to rock her
while she died. The hospital was very sensitive to our needs. I got to
bathe her and dress her in an adorable outfit provided by Special Touch
Ministries. We spent as much time with Julie after she went to Heaven as
we needed. I was in shock, and never losing anyone, much less a child,
did not understand the importance of that time until later. Three days
later we had a beautiful service for Julie. Her Aunt made a special
white satin dress and crocheted tiny white booties for her. Recovery has
been extremely difficult. Our family and church have been very
supportive, but I tend to isolate and did so for months. We did deal
with our grief and are doing better. I am pregnant again. I developed
chronic hypertension since Julie's death, so I'm pretty scared this
time. I'm not sure I could deal with the death of a second child. I'm
trying to keep busy and keep my mind off of the fear. I would appreciate
hearing from anyone in a second pregnancy after a loss to maybe
encourage each other. My doctor tells me to expect bedrest starting the
end of my second trimester. I will be taking baby aspirin therapy at 20
weeks and steriod shots at 22 weeks. Thanks for your support and
stories. They help alot.
Email Address: shamroq@airmail.net
Kim Taylor · from
Missouri
Aug 19, 1998 · 19:12
I
would like to share my story I wrote for English when asked to write
about a personal experience. I found it very difficult to write at the
time... but I am very thankful I have it in words now. My First Son My
husband and I knew we wanted to have four children. Our first daughter
was now a year old and my husband had a good steady job. We just bought
our first home on an acre of ground, five miles out of Roosevelt, Utah.
We felt the time was right to have another baby. Another little girl
would have been loved very much, but in our hearts we were actually
hoping for a boy. God had revealed to me in a dream, that I would have a
son. My husband was thrilled at the very thought of having a son and my
daughter talked constantly about having a little brother. Our plans did
not include the problems of infertility, we had assumed I would become
pregnant right away. After a year of trying I became frustrated, crying
every month after learning I still was not pregnant. My husband had
always been there to comfort me and reassure me that he still loved me
"baby or no baby" but I knew how much it meant to us both to have
another child. Two years after setting our plans, the long awaited day
finally came. I was pregnant. Everyone we knew was ecstatic. My husband
and I were overjoyed nothing could have made us happier. My daughter was
now three years old and could finally begin to include the baby in her
plans. She had selected a few toys ( some of her own favorites) to share
with the baby, and our own excitement would build as she announced
things like, "The baby can sleep in my bed; the baby can ride my bike".
Being able to finally work on plans for the nursery helped the days go
by faster and the old baby clothes were taken from storage to be mended
and cleaned. In the seventh month of my pregnancy I went to the doctor,
as I did every month. I had always looked forward to my doctor
appointment to be sure the baby was doing well. I was scheduled for an
ultrasound that day and I was excited to get a glimpse of my baby. While
I laid on the table, the radiologist began to observe the baby checking
for all his little baby parts and to see if he were growing well. As he
proceeded with the test he began to hesitate. Something was wrong! He
had found an absence of amniotic fluid around the baby and my heart
crushed as he searched again and again for the baby's kidneys. There
were none! My husband drove me to Salt Lake City immediately. My
daughter stayed at her grandma's house, not knowing what was wrong with
her baby brother. Upon arrival to the University of Utah Medical Center,
I felt assured that if anything could possibly be done, it could be done
there. I was admitted at once and taken to the maternity ward. The
nurses seemed to know we were coming. They appeared to be nervous around
me and I could feel their tension. I sensed that they knew more than I
had been told. After repeated ultrasounds and other tests, we were told
the words we hoped we would never hear. Our baby was going to die! He
was given a five percent chance of survival. I wanted to collapse, I
became totally imobilized. I just knew my heart had shattered and I was
too weak to pick up the pieces. I began to analyze my life for anything
I had done wrong that could have caused this to happen. The questions
became repetitive. Why me? Why? Our choice's were to carry him to full
term, giving him his five percent chance of survival, or to induce labor
right then. To us there was only one choice, we knew we had to give him
a chance. In the month ahead, we were still in a state of shock. My
husband and I prayed constantly. We wanted to mourn, but felt it would
cause us to lose hope. We were not going to give up and just accept the
obvious. Then on the last day of May, eight months into the pregnancy I
delivered a four pound, eleven ounce baby boy. He was taken immediately
to intensive care where they proceeded to resuscitate him. My husband
was allowed to visit him shortly after his birth while I was taken to
the recovery room to await his diagnosis. Then the news came, my son was
born with Potter's Syndrome, a rare disease that causes the kidneys to
not develop. He was not going to survive. I was transported to intensive
care on a stretcher to say hello and good-bye to my son. He was
beautiful, he looked normal, and I wanted to pick him up and take him
home. He looked like his father and was named (Jody) after him. Jody was
now being kept alive by machines, only to allow my husband and I more
time with him. He had already begun to suffer and we were soon asked for
our permission to disconnect the machines. We were told that once his
life support was discontinued he would die within moments. We were given
a private room and our baby's respirator was removed. We held him in our
arms and rocked him. We begged and pleaded with God to let him survive.
My husband and I were willing to sacrifice our own life to let this
little one live. For two hours my son gasped for breath. He tried to cry
but couldn't because the respirator had damaged his throat. I had never
felt more helpless in my life. It felt as though my insides were ripped
to shreds as I watched my son take his last breath. The pain is still
felt when I think of my beautiful son. All we have left are pictures, a
lock of his hair, and the little t-shirt he wore that day. But I learned
something through this difficult time, and I wasn't angry with God
because of my son's death, but thankful for the time he had given us
together. Most of all I was especially proud to be Jody's Mother. Jody
was too good for this old world and he is much better off where he is.
Two years after I buried my son Jody, I gave birth to boy/girl twins.
God knew I would never forget my first son, but he found a way to ease
my pain. Update> 8-19-98 We now have 5 healthy and beautiful
children.
Email Address: smfamw7@aol.com
Carla Hoffmann · from Mexico
City
Aug 21, 1998 · 13:33
Unfortunately, I've lost my little boy Cesar
(04/06/97) and my little girl Josephine (09/03/97). Then, on March I had
a D&C for a blighted ovum. I do miss my two bebies terribly. Thank
you for this inspiring web site.
Email Address: carlarh@ivillage.com
Rhonda · from
Connecticut
Aug 24, 1998 · 21:14
I
came here seeking help. I miscarried my 1st child and I'm having a very
hard time.
Email Address: rrelva@snet.net
Tammy Hammock · from Deer Park,
Texas
Aug 25, 1998 · 16:38
My
husband and I have had three pregnancies, but have no living children.
Our first loss was in July, 1992, a miscarriage at 12 weeks. Our second
loss was in June, 1993; we lost a little girl, Christine Yvette, at 6
months. Our most recent loss was January, 1998, another little girl,
Dara Annette, again at 6 months. We do not understand why we have had to
suffer these losses, but we know that God is in control. These kind of
losses tend to destroy marriages or make them stronger. My husband and I
praise God for each other and thank Him that our marriage is stronger
than ever before. I also thank God for blessing us with websites such as
this where we can share our grief and be comforted by others who
understand our sorrow. My heart goes out to all of the other mothers who
have lost their babies. It is comforting to me knowing my babies are in
Heaven with our Lord Jesus. It is truly the best place for them to be
and I am waiting for the time when we will be together again. God bless
and comfort all parents grieving over a child's death.
Email Address: dontammy@swbell.net
Raegan Quan · from San
Antonio
Aug 27, 1998 · 15:21
I
am so glad that I found your website. It is very informative and helpful
for me.
Email Address: 141.rlquan@imail.san-antonio.isd.tenet.edu
Evy Wright · from Texas
Aug 28, 1998 · 23:29
I
lost my first child to a disorder known as Potter Syndrome. Aaron died
on April 27,1995. I had a miscarriage on August 28,1995. I was 37 weeks
pregnant with Aaron. He lived for 57 minutes. I still think of him often
and miss him dearly. I would love to be included on your mailing
list.
Email Address: Potter_Syndrome@HotMail.com
Anna Leroux · from
Missouri
Sep 1, 1998 · 02:00
My
husband and I have had 3 stillborn babies due to placental abruption. I
have been to several specialists and had many tests to try to figure out
why this keeps happening. The first was my daughter, Meagan Nicole at 9
months. The second was Tanner Kyle at 8 months and the third was Konner
John at 7 months. We have had several years to try to deal with this but
as their birthdays come around every year it is hard. Would like to talk
with others who have experienced this. No one really understands this
unless they have been through it!
Email Address: bearpaw@semo.net
Kelly Crowe
Sep 1, 1998 · 09:02
We
lost a baby to miscarriage on Aug. 26th by D&E. I went on Monday for
a ultrasound and the baby did not have a heart beat I was 41/2 months
along. We are so saddened by this we just don't know how to cope. We
hjad tried for over a year to concieve and when we found out that we
were expecting we were so excited. We bought all new baby furniture and
many things that we have packed away to help us grieve. We feel that we
don;t know where to begin to start to heal
Email Address: kcrowe@clt-online.com
Melissa Davis · from Vernon,
TX
Sep 2, 1998 · 19:38
We
lost our precious son Ryan Mark on August 1, 1998 due to placental
abruption. I was 35 weeks pregnant and had had a perfect pregnancy up
until that date. We don't know why my placenta abrupted, I had none of
the common causes. He was my second child. I had two miscarrages early
on before my 2 1/2 year old son Colin was born. We miss Ryan terribly
and I ache to hold him. Forever in our hearts.
Email Address: boomer@chipshot.net
Theresa · from New
Jersey
Sep 3, 1998 · 18:34
We
lost our first child when he was 15 days old. In my fifth month of
pregnancy, my husband and I learned our son had serious kidney problems.
Some doctors suggested we kill (abort) our child! We attempted treatment
in utero through amnioinfusions. He was born on March 28, 1998 and died
on his due date, Easter Sunday April 12, 1998. He died in our arms. He
was so beautiful- with curly brown hair. He was able to grip my finger
and we were able to hold him carefully, with all his tubes attached. We
are so proud of our little baby, Philip Anastasius, and miss him very
much. Our hearts ache. His diagnosis has changed several times and a
conclusion has not yet been reached. It may be genetic. We thank God for
our precious baby and know he is in heaven. He was baptized during a
code blue in the hospital. The only food he had through his mouth was
Holy Communion. Mark 10:14 and 2Samuel 12:23 have been comforting. I
still cry often. He will always be a part of me. I hope to meet him in
heaven. You may reach me at the e-mail address.
Email Address: theresamaria@thedoghousemail.com
Melissa Marte · from Florida
Sep 4, 1998 · 00:28
I
HAVE RECENTLY LOST AN INFANT DUE TO N.E.C. HE WAS BORN 3 MONTHS
PREMATURE BUT HE WAS DOING FINE, WE WERE EVEN PLANING HIS HOME COMING.
ON AUGUST 22,1998 HE GREW VERY ILL AND PASSED ON AUGUST 23,1998. I DONT
BELIEVE THE REALITY HAS HIT ME YET AND I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET. MY
ADDRESS IS 34247 LAKELAND AVE. LEESBURG, FL. 34788 PHONE
352-742-0738.
Email Address: M_MARTE@HOTMAIL.COM
Kirsten · from
Missouri
Sep 9, 1998 · 19:15
I
lost my baby at 7 months pregnant to a complete separation of the uterus
in the middle of the night. By the time i almost died with her they got
her out and saved me. It was too late for her. I am trying to get
pregnant again (which has not been the problem) i miscarried a second
time at 9 weeks. I don't know what i have done wrong....what can i do to
prevent this again. I visit Hannah at her grave every few weeks and
place flowers on her grave. I can't do it again. Does everyone go
through this? Am i feeling this way because I didn't finish the first
time? I am terrified to go through this again..but I have to. What can I
do to keep the anxiety down?
Email Address: kldodd@iland.net
Kathy Jackson · from Henderson,
Tennessee
Sep 10, 1998 · 15:08
I
have enjoyed this web site very much. I too lost a baby girl, but don't
feel like I really fit in to the miscarriage sites or even the infant
death sites. I was 27 weeks when I had to have a ceasern. My baby girl
only lived 5 minutes. You see, she wasn't a miscarriage, nor a
stillbirth, but yet she wasn't alive long enough for me to even know. I
never saw her alive. Does she constitute an infant death? does anyone
else feel like this?
Email Address: kmjwill@aol.com
Elizabeth Rodriguez · from New Jersey,
Marlboro
Sep 11, 1998 · 12:23
My
name is Elizabeth and on August 21, 1998 I delivered my first baby boy,
Lorenzo (stillbirth). I was 34 weeks when they induced labor. It's hard
for to write down in words the emotion of the what happened. Oftentimes,
I can't seem to grasp the reality of it all. I remember holding my
beautiful little boy. My husband and I had the opportunity to spend 3
1/2 hours with him. We bathed and dressed him. We shared him with our
family that were waiting to see Lorenzo. We took lots of pictures of
Lorenzo and share them with friends and family when they come over to
visit me. I remember Lorenzo's smell and during the day when I'm sitting
down I can smell him. I remember is lips and how I kissed them. He felt
so warm and looked like he was sleeping. I visit Lorenzo on Sundays
after church. He was layed to rest in a beautiful site underneath an old
tree that rises so high and gives just the right amount of shade and
sun. Yesterday was a real tough day for me. I felt so many uncomfortable
feelings, but I prayed that God will sustain me and keep. Thank you for
letting me share. It helps. It really does help!
Email Address: LizEstates@aol.com
Brie Godinez · from CA
Sep 19, 1998 · 00:39
This is a wonderful thing you are doing. My son
Taylor was stillborn at 32 weeks. He was born on August 13, 1998. I miss
him terribly and it seems as though the pain will never end. I am
thankful to have found alot of support online as well as with those
close to me. So thank you for this wonderful opportunity. I welcome any
and all E-mail. Thanks.
Email Address: Brie3745@juno.com
Jo Askew · from Blue Eye,
MO
Sep 22, 1998 · 16:13
This is the first time I have realized that I had
an address for your web page. It's beautiful! Lynne Boer is my daughter.
I am so proud of all of you who have such overwhelming losses. You are
doing a wonderful job of helping others. Our babies live on!!!!! We
thoroughly enjoyed the grandparents newsletter. Jo and Dennis Askew,
parents of Carolyn Askew born Feb. 13, 1963 She lived 7 hrs. but I
didn't get to see her alive. She is alive in all our hearts,
though.
Email Address: j&d_at_home@inter-linc.net
Mary Timby · from Denham Springs,
Lousisana
Sep 23, 1998 · 20:23
I
have a friend who in April of last year lost a baby at term due to
umbilical cord difficulties. Her sister just recently lost her baby at
term of the same reason. I am trying to find out any information that
may have some kind of relation due to this terrible event. Both sisters
wish to try for another baby, but I am concern for them and their future
pregancies.
Email Address: rjt143mjt@worldnet.att.com
Suzanne & James Campbell · from
Mountainburg, AR
Sep 27, 1998 · 00:55
My
husband and I just recently lost our first and only child, Sean Jareth
Campbell. This was such a shock since we were told at 37 1/2 weeks,
Sept. 2, 1998, that everything looked normal except that our baby was
breech. Since Sean was still breech a c-section was scheduled for Sept.
11, 1998. Then on Sept. 4 I went into labor. We excitedly called our
parents, who all live out of town, and told them the baby was on the
way. Our baby was born via c-section at 11:57 a.m. Right off the bat the
doctor knew something was wrong. Our child was not breathing right. Sean
was quickly taken to the NICU. We were told that our child was very
unhealthy and it was not likely that he would survive so we were taken
to the NICU to hold our child alive for the first and only time. Sean
died that same day at 2:35 p.m. Our parents had not arrived to see their
grandson alive. My mother and sister arrived 15 minutes later to the
horrible news Sean was gone. When the autopsy results returned 2 1/2
weeks later, we learned Sean had a rare disease called Potter's Syndrome
or bilateral renal agenesis. My husband and I would apppreciate talking
to anyone who has lost a child to this disease or anyone else who has
lost a child. We really need the help to get through this. I have read
many of the stories on this site and feel that it will be a great
help.
Email Address: jacsrc@ipa.net
Jennifer Goins-Caufman · from
Abilene,Tx
Sep 27, 1998 · 21:20
Mother of Sarah Goins-Silvas, stillborn Nov.
2,1990. Wish the internet had been up and full of this information eight
years ago. I'm sure this has helped many and I plan to list it in my
book LETTERS TO SARAH, and in a monthly inset of the TCF newsletter I'm
working on for those who have suffered infant loss. Thanks for all you
hard work. JENN
Email Address: ACEHI@swconnect.net
Jenn Caufman · from Abilene,
TX
Sep 28, 1998 · 14:25
I
WANTED TO LET NEWLY BEREAVED PARENTS KNOW THAT I HAVE WORKED WITH INFANT
LOSS FOR EIGHT YEARS AND HAVE WRITTEN A BOOK ON STILLBIRH. ALSO, TO THE
EDITORS OF THE NEWSLETTER, IF YOU'D LIKE A COPY OF THE BOOK WITH WRITTEN
PERMISSION TO USE EXCERPTS, I WOULD BE GLAD TO SEND A COPY.
Email Address: acehi@swconnect.com
Amy Morin · from Wahiawa,
Hawaii
Oct 4, 1998 · 21:24
I
lost my son Zachary on Sept11, 1998. I was 24 weeks pregnant, when I
went to the doctor for a routine appointment and no heartbeat was found.
I was admitted and 3 days later after several rounds of medication, he
came into this world. The pain sometimes seems so unbearable. I know
that it will get easier as time passes, but right now its very hard. I
know I am very lucky to have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful older
daughters for support. Thank you for this web site, it is very
helpful.
Email Address: ccmorin@worldnet.att.net
April Hill · from New London,
NC
Oct 7, 1998 · 04:06
My
thoughts and prayers to everyone who has lost a precious baby. My dh and
I lost our sweet son, Joey on August 16, 1998. After not feeling some
movement for a while, I called my doctor. He said to come to the
hospital to get checked. Two nurses could not find the heartbeat with
the doppler. An u/s showed that our long awaited, much wanted and loved
baby was gone. After 36 hours of labor, Joseph Daniel Hill was born
asleep. He was so beautiful. I will never forget his sweet face.
Sometimes I can still smell his sweet baby smell. I was 36 weeks
gestation and he was perfectly healthy. The autopsy did show a two
vessel cord anomaly. My OB/GYN is positive that his cord was compressed
long enough to deplete him of oxygen. He was 9 pounds, 3 ounces but
that's because I am diabetic. I miss my son so much sometimes I can't
stand it. I suppose I will carry this pain always. Time has helped heal
some but we will always long for our sweet baby boy. I am so glad that I
found this site. It has been a great source of comfort. The stories and
poems contained in the newsletters are so inspiring. If anybody would
like to correspond with me and share their stories or if you just need
to vent, talk, whatever. I have learned that the best people to find
comfort with are those who have walked the same road. My dh and I are
already trying to conceive again for we want a family very much. I wish
all of us happy, healthy babies in the future. God bless...
Email Address: joeyhill@webtv.net
Lyla Parry · from Peachtree City,
GA
Oct 7, 1998 · 11:07
I
found this site from the information given to us by the hospital where
are our son Matthew was stillborn. Reading the guest book has caused the
tears flow uncontrollably I do feel some comfort in knowing that there
are others of you who know and feel our pain. Maybe telling our story to
all of you will help me get through one more day. I was 35 weeks when I
noticed I had not felt Matthew move for at least a day. I was busy so I
thought maybe I had not noticed him moving. On the second day I did
everything I knew to get him to move and still nothing. I just knew
everything had to be alright because I had had a non-stress test three
days prior and all was fine. When we went to the hospital after being
unsuccessful in getting Matthew to move the nurse was unsure whether she
was monitoring my heart rate or the babies.The doctor performed an Ultra
Sound and I could see immediately that Matthews heart was no longer
beating. I had had numerous ultra sounds and amnio and he was healthy.
The doctor suspected an umbilical cord accident was the cause of his
death. After inducing labor, Matthew was born on September 17th 1998. We
too were able to spend time with him and share him with our family. I
long for that day again to hold him. Matthew was 6lbs 3oz and 18 inches
long. the umbilical cord was in fact twisted causing Matthew to die. The
closer I get to my actual due date the harder it gets. Thank you for
giving me this opportunity to tell my story and I would love to hear
from anyone who would like to talk. I would like to end with a poem a
friend sent to me that had been sent to her after her brother died.
"PLEASE" Please don't ask me if I'm over it yet. I'll never be "over
it." Please don't tell me he's in a better place. He isn't here. Please
don't tell me you know how I feel, unless you have lost a child. Please
don't tell me to get on with my life. I'm still here, you'll notice.
Please don't ask me if I feel better. Bereavement isn't a condition that
"clears up." Please don't tell me "God never makes a mistake." You mean
He did this on purpose? Please don't tell me "God never gives you more
than you can bear." Who decides how much another person can bear? Please
just say you are sorry. Please just let me talk if I want to. Please let
me cry when I must!
Email Address: LKParry@aol.com
Christie Almon · from Fort Worth,
TX
Oct 7, 1998 · 14:58
I
just got finished reading this entire page. My husband Russ and I have
been married for a year and have been trying to have a baby the entire
time we have been married. I finally got pregnant in August only to lose
the baby in early September. I wasn't even 5 weeks pregnant yet. I am
hurting so much. No one seems to know what to say to me. So they don't
say anything at all. My heart is broken over the death of Jordan Taylor.
I just want someone to talk to and to try to understand what Russ and I
are going through. I keep getting comments like, "At least you know you
can get pregnant" or "You're young (I'm 21 years old), you'll get
pregnant again." I don't want to hear that. I want my Jordan Taylor. We
do want to have other children but that doesn't mean I will ever forget
Jordan Taylor. I would appreciate any words of encouragement or support
you can direct my way.
Email Address: ccalmon@hotmail.com
DaLana Barsanti · from Texas
Oct 8, 1998 · 14:53
It
is close to Joshua and Jeromys' Birthday and I am feeling pretty low. It
will be two years Nov. 21 since we said goodbye to our boys. I am
thankful for M.E.N.D. This organization has made the last two years of
my life a little less painful.
Email Address: none
Sharon Reynolds · from Greensboro,
NC
Oct 8, 1998 · 21:25
Thank you for this wonderful webpage that you have
given us to share our stories. My son, Ben, a 25 weeker lived almost a
year before God took him from us on Sept 13, 1998, 3 days before his 1st
birthday. Ben lived all, but the last 2 weeks, of his life in an ICU
environment. He had Cystic Fibrosis and many complictions from
prematurity...infections, bowel and lung disease. During Bens short stay
on earth he touched so many lives that I know about and many I haven't
heard about. He was a brave fighter to the very end. I will always
cherish the memories of having him home if only for 2 weeks. Ben died in
my arms as I rocked him early one Sunday morning. I know one day I'll be
reunited with my angel in heaven for eternity.
Email Address: reynoldsfamily@mindspring.com
Christa Fielding · from London,
UK
Oct 10, 1998 · 18:04
Hi,
having lost my son, Cameron 4 years ago, I do sometimes feel like a
fraud still getting emotional, however, having read these messages I am
glad to notice that I am not the only one still feeling heartbroken a
long time after the event. Ones child will forever be a part of one, no
one can change that fact. I know that he is with God, but that just
isn't always good enough when you are hurting. I am glad M.E.N.D is
there for everyone in such tragic circumstances. With much love and for
all peace to everyone Christa, mum to Hannah, Marie-Louise, Isabella and
Cameron, 23rd to 25th November 1994.
Email Address: christa.fielding@btinternet.com
Jessica Gomez · from Seeley Lake,
Montana
Oct 11, 1998 · 19:47
I
came upon your website as a result of my search for personal healing. my
sister recently experienced an ectopic pregnancy which ended in a
miscarriage. it has been especially difficult trying to help her through
this, and i know that it has changed her. in my search, i came upon your
website and was relieved to discover that great misconception: we are
not alone. i am grateful to have found you! and, i am so looking forward
to her contacting you.
Email Address: pathfinder@mt.com
Shawn Donnelly · from Washington,
DC
Oct 15, 1998 · 20:22
Our
son, Glenn Alexander is forever in our hearts 6/4/98-6/18/98. CMV
Virus.
Email Address: Keith_Shawn@msn.com
Georgi McCroy · from Old Bridge,
NJ
Oct 17, 1998 · 17:24
I
recently loss a 3 month old girl. She was born 10 weeks premature with
hydrops and was on the road to coming home. 3 weeks before her death, we
were informed that her heart was enlarging. It was a drastic enlargement
and closed up quickly. Everyone including the drs were surprised because
she had come so far. I just want to talk to others who experienced
something similar. I am having a difficult time and just need an ear.
Thanks
Email Address: gmccroy@bellatlantic.net
Wendy Harris · from Satsuma,
FL
Oct 18, 1998 · 21:18
I
too know the pain and suffering of going home to an empty nursery. my
hubby and i had a preemie in 1982 oct 13 this was her 16th birthday this
past week i had major problems with the fact that i will miss her first
prom her first kiss etc. she was 2 mos. old when she went to be an
angel. there is nothing harder that a young couple can endure the things
you face together make you stronger but the pain never goes away. i am
still with the same wonderful man and have 2 boys. however there will
always be that void. there was another family who had a baby in the nicu
at shands fl. when our baby was there. their last name was montgomery
(girl,audra) it would be nice to find out that she came out of the
hospital i lost contact with the parents afer the death of our daughter.
if anyone out ther ever hears from them please e-mail me. JENNIFER
HARRIS 1982-1982 if i can be of any help to any one please call on me i
will lend on open heart. thankyou for listening .love,wendy
Email Address: barney@gbso.net
Max McKinley · from Dallas,
TX
Oct 19, 1998 · 16:32
What a great website. I appreciate the ministry you
provide.
Email Address: maxmck1@airmail.net
Kim · from New Castle,
Indiana
Oct 20, 1998 · 10:33
Thank you for being available....to listen, to
share, to help. My husband and I, and our 9 year old daughter were
blessed with triplets on Sept. 29, 1998, but they came too early.....@23
weeks. Elizabeth Anne and Nathanial James died very shortly after they
were born, and Zachary David held on for 17 hours. There are so many
different emotions we are feeling as many of you understand. I feel
empty and long to hold all three babies in my arms. And yet....we are
comforted that Jesus is holding them in His. I pray for each of
you....may God fill you with the comfort and healing He is filling us
with, and may you accept it. God Bless you all.
Email Address: trinity@kiva.net
Tammy Schales · from Ruston,
LA
Oct 20, 1998 · 16:14
My
husband and I lost our twin boys in the fall of 1998. The first twin,
Brendan, died at 18 weeks on August 29 while his brother, Grant, died at
23 weeks on October 4. I had an unexplained premature rupture of
membranes with Brendan and went into pre-term labor with Grant.
Email Address: tps@engr.latech.edu
Amy · from Reno,
NV
Oct 22, 1998 · 17:27
I
came across this website quite accidently. It's absolutely wonderful to
be able to share with others our grief. On July 28,1998, my husband and
i went to our OB for my three month checkup. The doctors found no
heartbeat. This is the first time I have been able to confront my pain
and anger. We know our baby is with god, but it's just so hard sometimes
to keep my faith. I'm young and we are trying to get pregnant again.
Thanks for listening. It means so much to me to have all of you out
there.
Email Address: ktypurr@webtv.net
Katie Collins · from
Arkansas
Oct 22, 1998 · 19:58
I
am so glad to have found you guys. I miscarried only 5 1/2 weeks into my
pregnancy. People have told me "maybe it's for the best", and "you'll
have other children" or "it just wasn't meant to be". Maybe all of these
things are true, but they won't give me back THAT baby, and that's the
one I want the most right now. People have also implied that I wasn't
far along enough in the pregnancy for it to really be a baby. I don't
believe it. Even though I never saw my baby's face, or even knew if my
baby was a boy or a girl, I love that child so much.
Email Address: katie23_98@yahoo.com
Lisa Davenport · from Texas
Oct 23, 1998 · 00:50
I
receive the newsletter and just want you to know what a wonderful thing
it is, I have a son who is four months old now and it was great to read
the poems and such as I was in bed much of the end of the pregnancy and
needed some reading materials. I also had the knowledge that the baby I
was pregnant with had the cord wrapped around him and I was in and out
of the hospital all the rest until his preemie birth and he had to stay
ten days then i had an infection so i stayed nine days and then lost my
mother to sudden cardiac arrest the day i was released. she never saw my
son. His birth was a chance all the way around so that helps explain his
name. chance edward davenport he was 8 pounds and 19 and a fourth inches
long. He is doing great now and we are so thankful to God. We are also
thankful to people who held our hands thru this newsletter. thank you
and I look foreward to helping out any way possible. Lisa
Davenport
Email Address: comeaux1313@webtv.net
Shannon · from Lake Mary,
Florida
Oct 23, 1998 · 20:05
i
have recently lost my twin boy june 6 i am so glad for these kind of
groups. I was pregnant with twin boys my water broke prematurely with
twin a (bailey) and they were born 15 weeks premature his lungs werent
developed, he passed away 1 hour after birth. I miss him so much but I
have his brother (brennan) to take care of , but its hard because he
looks exactcly like him .
Email Address: aim@worldramp.net
Vanessa McMurtry · from Garland,
Texas
Oct 24, 1998 · 22:15
I
read about this group in the Dallas Morning News about 5 days after I
lost my baby and became very intrigued with what the group represents. I
also received a newsletter from the Baylor of Dallas Bereavement
Department. I decided that I wanted to read the stories and maybe talk
to someone about what happened with us and ways to deal with it.
Email Address: BMcMur2641@aol.com
Vanessa McMurtry · from Garland,
Texas
Oct 24, 1998 · 22:44
I
read about this group in the Dallas Morning News about 5 days after I
lost my baby and became very intrigued with what the group represents. I
also received a newsletter from the Baylor of Dallas Bereavement
Department. I decided that I wanted to read the stories and maybe talk
to someone about what happened with us and ways to deal with it. Six
months into my pregnancy the doctors noticed a abnormality in my baby's
brain, unfortunately, it was more a underdevelopment. After many
speculations and tests the doctors had finally decided all that would
probably be wrong with her would be that she would be slow with her
development of motor skills. After many efforts by one physician to try
to have me terminate my pregnancy, I just couldn't imagine doing such a
thing. I delivered a beautiful baby girl on August 25, 1998 at 6:40
p.m., we named her Kristen Danielle, she looked so perfect to me. We
only believed there were minor things wrong, they doctors had reassured
me that everything was ok, and that she looked and seemed fine. Needless
to say, it was not-within an hour after delivery my doctor rushed me in
for a tubal ligation because I believed everything was fine. After
coming out of recovery I learned that Kristen had a seizure. It took the
doctors 2 days before anyone would tell me that anything was seriously
wrong with her. We took Kristen off Life support on August 28th after
learning that she could NEVER survive without it. She had a rare
syndrome that there is no explanation as to the cause-Linear Sebaceous
Nevus Syndrome. Kristen brain failed to form completely, her heart had
many problems, her lungs were underdeveloped and the right side of her
body was 1/2 cm shorter than her left. She would never be able to see
out of her right eye and for some reason she never developed a right
breast. Yet,looking down at her she looked perfect, lots of hair,
beautiful complexion and her face was so perfect, and she had all 10
fingers & toes. She was our second baby girl, we have a 5 year old
named Katelyn who suffered a great deal by losing her baby sister too. I
was so proud to give Katie a baby sister (since she wanted a sister so
desperately) and to lose this baby to a syndrome that is so rare. The
Genetist claims that it is not a chromosone disorder that neither my
husband or I carry, nor did we do anything wrong-were just an
unfortunate statistic. Kristen and Katelyn looked so much alike and I
was so excited that Kristen looked so much like me. I am not only
grieving for my loss of my precious doll, but that due to the lack of
information and for some reason the desperate measure my doctor decided
to take by not waiting to see what the outcome would be for Kristen's
health by even a couple hours, I have had a tubal and can never have
another child. Even though I am SO BLESSED and proud of the BEAUTIFUL
child I already have, I grieve because I can't even try again. I am 25
years old and I hope to have a chance to talk with someone, maybe simply
for a peace of mind and to find other families to take the healing steps
with.
Email Address: BMcMur2641@aol.com
Chris Foley · from Crystal Lake,
Illinois
Oct 24, 1998 · 22:54
As
much as I wish I had not reason for visiting your site....My second
child, Patrick James was born on August 12, and died 32 hours later on
August 13. The reasons are still unclear...the doctors believe he had a
very rare genetic abnormality. However there is no way for them to tell
me for sure. My husband and our 4 yr old daughter are having one heck of
a difficult time coping. I am essentially useless as a mom these
days...so Thank You ! It helps me so much to read others stories and
know that someday the fog will begin to lift.
Email Address: ChrisFoley@Compuserve.com
Jackie Hetrick · from PA
Oct 26, 1998 · 21:41
I
lost my beautiful little girl on December 18 1996. She was only 8 days
old. I am still having a very hard time getting over her death. Please
let me know how you have let go. I also need people to talk to who have
been though what I have. Thank you very much jackie
Email Address: sshay@penn.com
Todd Ferrari · from Fresno,
CA
Oct 27, 1998 · 20:31
Hi
Rebecca, I'd thought I should see what your ministry is all about since
I know I'll be running into people that could really use it. You guys
have done an absolutely great job with it. Have Byron E-Mail me at
otter@cybergate.com. See ya, Todd
Email Address: otter@cybergate.com
Christi Gary · from Arlington,
Texas
Oct 28, 1998 · 12:39
After being married for 1 1/2 years, my husband and
I learned that I was pregnant. This was not planned (I was on the birth
control pill), but soon were overwhelmed with excitement of having a new
baby. All went well, until the first part of October. On October 3, I
began spotting. I went to the doctor. He said he wanted to run a couple
of tests and sent me to a specialist. We visited the specialist on
October 22. This was the day I found out that my baby had a neural tube
disorder (Anencephaly) that caused his brain to not develop properly.
The doctors said he would not live, and suggested that we terminate the
pregnancy. This was a terrible decision to have to make, but there was
only one choice. I was 16 1/2 weeks along when they induced labor. I
delivered a tiny, lifeless baby boy on Friday, October 23, 1998. Since
then, I have cried A LOT. I also sat down and wrote a letter to my baby.
I had hoped that this letter would bring some sort of closure. I believe
it has. But the wound is very deep. It is going to take a long time to
get over such a terrible loss. It helps knowing that he is in a better
place now, but I wish I had held him in my arms just once to say I LOVE
YOU and GOODBYE. Then again, could I have lived with the mental picture
of my lifeless baby (only 16 1/2 weeks developed) for the rest of my
life? I think that would have been harder. I am now trying to get my
life back to normal... get back into a routine... go to work... clean
house... cook dinner for my loving husband. The pain of losing a child
will always be with us; however, we must learn to deal with this loss
and continue our life together. Our current plan is to start trying to
have another baby in 6 to 8 months. Any one who has a similar story,
please share.
Email Address: cmgary@gte.net
Marnie Kerr · from Guelph, Ontario,
Canada
Oct 30, 1998 · 20:45
Rebekah, I just wanted to let you know what a
wonderful service this page is! My husband and I lost twin boys this
summer as the result of a placental abruption. Michael was stillborn,
but we had Alexander for 8 incredible days. They were only 25 weeks
old.The stories in your newsletters really helped me after Alex's
funeral. I just wanted you to know how much your time and energy in this
matter are appreciated. Thanks, Marnie Kerr
Email Address: mkgmail@albedo.net
Linda Galvin · from Ardmore,
PA
Nov 3, 1998 · 11:02
I
lost my son Jarlath at 25 weeks on Sept 2 1998, after finding out a week
previous that his brain had too much water (Hydrocephalus) we consulted
with neurosurgeons and went through a battery of tests only to have my
waters break on the Sunday night, I became infected from that and they
had to induce, I was in labour for 3 days and gave birth to a stillborn
son Wednesday Sept 2 at 5:02 pm he was 11 inches and 1lb.2oz. We have
not received the autopsy results yet, but apart from the hydrocephalus
he also had only one kidney and his pancreas had not developed, but to
me he was beautiful, I held him and I buried him. I have a son Oisin 2
1/2 years old who doesnt quite understand why mommy gets sad or what
happened to mommy's big belly. In time he will be told but for now I
told him his baby brother wasnt ready to be born so he went back to
heaven to watch over us. Thank you for this website, anyone can email me
anytime, thanks.
Email Address: lgalvin@cahners.com
Rebecca Neal · from Coeur d' Alene,
ID
Nov 3, 1998 · 14:01
It
will be almost three years since my son had died. I thought that it
would get better, but it's only gotten worse. I hope and pray that only
time will heal.
Email Address: Beckaboo77@aol.com
Lynne Bamford · from New
Hampshire
Nov 5, 1998 · 16:10
This is a beautiful way to work through
grief.
Email Address: kbamford@s-way.com
Lisa M Pike · from San Diego,
CA
Nov 5, 1998 · 17:50
My
husband and I lost our first child, Christopher Franklin due to a cord
accident, February 1, 1997. The time has gone by but the healing process
continues. I don't know if it will ever end. God has blessed us with
another child, Shea Lauren, born May 9, 1998. She is the light of our
lives and we know that her big brother is watching over her constantly.
I take Shea to visit a memorial tree we have planted for our son. We
have vowed to tell Shea all about her brother. In our minds and hearts,
our family is four, not just the "visible" three. To all the parents-God
bless. I know everyday is a challenge and test of your strengths and
convictions. I miss my son. I wish I could see him again, hold him, hear
his cry or see a smile. Just once! Sometimes I look at Shea and wonder
if Christopher would have looked like that, or done that...I won't ever
know. I think that is the hardest part. Christopher: Mommy, daddy and
Shea love you and think of you everyday. Thank you for watching over us.
I love you, my son.
Email Address: lisa.pike@gdesystems.com
Denise Pequignot · from Indiana,
USA
Nov 7, 1998 · 13:53
As
soon as we were married we began trying to get pregnant, every month I
anticipated, it took 6 months. I was so excited, we had everything ready
for our little one. On 9-18-98 after 3 hours of pushing our daughter,
Courtney Lynne was born at 9:42pm. I didnt hear her cry and asked what
was wrong..no answers. Next thing I know she is air lifted to a near by
hospital. After 2 days of being in ICU they said she had brain damage
due to Asphixia-lack of oyxgen, which they believe she pinched her cord
for only 6minutes. We decided to take her off of machines on Wednesday,
they didnt think she would live but for a few hours. But she did and on
Friday they let her come home to die. On Saturday 9-26-98 at 10:15am she
passed away. She only had her eyes open for one day and we never heard
her cry. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Please contact me, I so
much want to know I'm not alone. Should we try again?
Email Address: dpequignot@Whitleynet.org
Denise Pequignot · from Indiana,
USA
Nov 7, 1998 · 13:54
As
soon as we were married we began trying to get pregnant, every month I
anticipated, it took 6 months. I was so excited, we had everything ready
for our little one. On 9-18-98 after 3 hours of pushing our daughter,
Courtney Lynne was born at 9:42pm. I didnt hear her cry and asked what
was wrong..no answers. Next thing I know she is air lifted to a near by
hospital. After 2 days of being in ICU they said she had brain damage
due to Asphixia-lack of oyxgen, which they believe she pinched her cord
for only 6minutes. We decided to take her off of machines on Wednesday,
they didnt think she would live but for a few hours. But she did and on
Friday they let her come home to die. On Saturday 9-26-98 at 10:15am she
passed away. She only had her eyes open for one day and we never heard
her cry. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Please contact me, I so
much want to know I'm not alone. Should we try again?
Email Address: dpequignot@Whitleynet.org
Tracy M. Boguth · from Puyallup, Washington,
USA
Nov 9, 1998 · 13:29
Thank you for having this wonderful site for all of
us who truly share this same pain. I have lost 2 newborn children in 2
years from a very rare genetic disorder. I find my grief all-consuming
at times even though I have surviving children. I do have the comfort in
knowing that even though the Dr.'s gave us a fatal diagnosis for our
children, I carried them to term and I have at least the memories of
pregnancy and delivery and the short time spent together afterward - at
least we had SOMETHING!!!
Email Address: hbcrafters@aol.com
Oana &Oliver Olson · from
Dallas,TX
Nov 14, 1998 · 12:48
Our
son, Teodor William Olson,was born prematurely on Jan.6, 1998.He died
after 50 minutes. We loved him, but did not know how much until he was
gone. We are trying again, but nothing has happened yet. We are
receiving your newsletter, but never made it to the meetings. Maybe some
members would like to write to us.They would be welcome. Thank you, Oana
Olson
Email Address: Iubito@aol.com
Robbi Fuller · from
Arkansas
Nov 19, 1998 · 22:27
My
baby Nathan, was bornand died July 4,1993 He had a blood filled mass on
his liver that caused him to have congestive heart failure in utero. He
died the moment he was born because he could not sustain life without
me.His heart practically ran out of enough blood to function on its own.
I pray that each and every one of you will find peace and cfomfort as I
have over the years. talking about your loss is the best way to
heal.
Email Address: fuller@mail.cswnet.com
Sharon Peters · from Highland,
Indiana
Nov 21, 1998 · 16:29
My
husband and I on August 17,1998 had our 3rd child, a boy. His name was
Mark. He was full-term and healthy. We did not know he had a congenital
heart defect (usually fatal) hypoplastic left heart syndrome. He died on
Aug 19 in our arms. I miss him so much, it is the most difficult loss to
endure the loss of a child. It has been helpful to read about others who
have endured losses. I would like to hear from others who have suffered
a loss of a child - please email me.
Email Address: lpete@comnetcom.net
Cindy · from New
Hampshire
Nov 21, 1998 · 23:10
I
lost my baby on Jan 3, 1988. It was an ectopic pregnancy and I had only
known for 4 weeks. I loved that baby so much, even in such a short time.
It took years to be able to to think about it without crying. I remember
that no one seemed to know what to say to me. Now I am in nursing school
and chose infant death as a presentation topic. I want my fellow
students to know how to talk to parents about their baby's death - or
maybe just what not to say. If anyone has any thoughts or experiences,
either good or bad, I would be grateful, and maybe one more nurse will
know how to respond.
Email Address: cindymacarthur@hotmail.com
Beth · from South
Carolina
Nov 23, 1998 · 15:40
I
found this site today. I read with interest the newletter issue from
health professionals. I was disappointed to see that no one neonatal
intensive care nursing wrote or submitted an article. I am a neonatal
nurse who has experienced enoromous loss when a baby dies. It hard to
know a baby and his/her family and watch his/her death. One of the
hardest deaths I experienced was Courntey,s. She was a premie (I think
28 weeks) and very small for gestional age. She a beautiful little girl
but something was wrong with her from the minute she was born. She was
jaundiced and we couldn't get her off the respiratory. Although she was
appropriately active at birth,her level of activity slowly diminished. A
muscle wasting syndrome was suspected but she was too little to give the
muscle tisse required for a biopsy. In effect, we had to grow her large
enough to get the biopsy to see if the syndrom she had was compatible
with life. This heartbreaking for the parents as this was a first child.
Heartbreaking for me as I loved Courtney too. Even babies at 28 weeks
have personality. Ask any NICU nurse. The biopsy was finally done and
was positive for a syndrome incompatable with life. She died in her
mother's arms after the respiratory was stopped. I too was there a her
nurse and as her friend. I have to believe that God knows what he is
doing and he loves Courtney more than we did. I am not only a nurse but
I think I was a mother. I had a ectopic pregnancy at 8 weeks. I didn't
even know I was pregnant because I had a period. I never got to be a
Mom. I had two dreams before the ectopic. One I had triplets in my home
and I was overwhelmed. The second dream I had I was in the NICU where
work but I had a baby in an Isolette and I was crying at the bedside.
After the ectopic, I wondered if the dreams were related to what was
happening in me. I don't know. My husband and I are trying again to have
a baby and I would covet your prayers
Email Address: eam@nations.net
Almedia Harrison · from
Washington
Nov 29, 1998 · 12:18
I
am grateful for a place to write about this. Our 2nd of 4 children died
just before birth - about 15 min. before. She inhaled muconium - they
couldn't get her out in time. That was April of 1984. I now find out
that we will be grandparents in about March - our first child, a girl,
is 16 - and expecting. While, of course, it is a concern and we deal
with the family issues on that, my other major concern is that I don't
want my girl to go through what I did - and there is nothing I can do to
keep her safe from that. When our child died, they couldn't find any
reason for her death - but I know some things arent' for us to know yet.
I just pray that my daughter will not have to know that pain. She
thought she was in labor a couple of nights ago - she is 6 months - and
was so scared she was going to lose the baby. My mother never lived to
see grandchildren - maybe I will get to see one of mine. If God wants
this child here, it will be here. And I will love it. No one knows how
this feels unless they've been through it - your arms ache from being
empty - and every parent that is unreasonably angry with their child,
you desperately want to shake into the reality of "be grateful they are
still ALIVE!!!!!!" Though I may be frustrated about the choices she
made, there is no way on earth I would ever wish her to go through the
loss of her child. I have been scared of taking pictures of her, or
collecting things for the baby. My husband said to do it, and if
anything happened, we would put the pictures away until she wanted to
see them - and we would put the baby things away. We took pictures
yesterday. Maybe someday I will heal.
Email Address: masterminded@integrityol.com
Nancy Holland · from Morgan Hill,
CA
Dec 3, 1998 · 16:18
We
lost our precious baby Sarah Anne on October 16, 1998 to a serious heart
defect (Ebstein's Anomaly). She lived for one month and two days, all
spent in the hospital. She was and is our special angel. We miss her so
much. I have been trying to figure out how we can go on without her. All
of these web sites have been helpful. I would be interested to talk with
someone else who lost their baby after a month or who's baby had a heart
defect. Thank you and I pray for all of you.
Email Address: JHGenCon@aol.com
DeAnne Barnett · from Kennesaw,
GA
Dec 5, 1998 · 00:29
MEND has helped me more than you can ever know in
dealing with the loss of my second son Cole Avry who was still born on
4/13/97. Thankyou to everyone at MEND for everything you do a wonderful
job. If anyone lives near me feel free to contact me.
Email Address: aleebert@bellsouth.net
Heather Williams · from
Wisconsin
Dec 10, 1998 · 00:06
i
lost my sweet boy Trevor on Feb 8, 1998. But he has not left my heart
for a single moment. I have created a web page dedicated to him, so
pleaz feel free to visit. www.members.tripod.com/~HMW95/
Email Address: heatherw@midway.tds.net
Susan Kerr · from Swampscott,
MA
Dec 11, 1998 · 12:53
I
lost my newborn son Jonathan Francis on May 6, 1997, only after a few
brief hours with him. It is wonferful to have more support and
understanding.
Email Address: jjstk@webtv.net
Debbie & Nathan · from Lake Tahoe,
CA
Dec 12, 1998 · 18:48
Hello--My husband and I lost our son Angel on Spet
1, 1998, he was stillborn due to a cord accident. Angel has taught us
that life is so very precious and to cherish it. we are very thankful
for the very very short time I had with our son. We are hoping to try
again in Feb of 99, depending on our mental status and I ahve alot of
fears about that. We welcome any support or advice.. and to our
Angel--Daddy and mommy love and miss you very much
Email Address: Thomas
Debbie & Nathan Thomas · from
Lake Tahoe, CA
Dec 13, 1998 · 12:40
OOPS! I put in the incorrect e-mail info so- I Just
wanted to put in our e-mail address
Email Address: Nateski@thegrid.net
Lynda Venaglia
Dec 13, 1998 · 17:14
Its
a great page.
Email Address: Lynda87112@aol.com
Staci Holderman · from
Danville
Dec 17, 1998 · 15:09
I
miscarried twins last week. I never knew that people who had experienced
miscarriages feel the way I feel. I hope that through this experience
that I will be able to help others in the future. For now, I'm just
trying to cope with this loss.
Email Address: Holdermans@hotmail.com
Glynis & Mike Anderson · from
Johannesburg, South Africa
Dec 20, 1998 · 08:28
Mike and I lost our precious long awaited baby,
Matthew Rodney (born 28th January 1998) on the 29th January 1998 from a
severe infection caused by Pnemonia. I had a very healthy pregnancy and
he was delivered by C-Section on the 28th. He weighed 3.8kg and his
Apgar score was a perfect 10. He was the most beautiful baby, everything
we had hoped for. Within hours he had developed pneumonia with a severe
infection. He was taken to NEONATAL highcare immediately. None of the
medication the doctors gave him appeared to work. He was eventually
ventilated on the morning of the 29th. We prayed he would live but sadly
at 1:30pm he passed away. It is now neally one year on and the pain is
still so real. We have tried to have another baby but are still waiting
- never to replace Matthew but because we are both so ready to be a
Mommy and Daddy. Matthew will always be our special baby and when we
look into the sky at night, he is the shiniest star we can see. You will
live in our hearts forever. We love you. Thank you for this guest book -
its wonderful to share such happy memories with other Mommies and
Daddies.
Email Address: michael@bizmarketing.co.za
Meagan Ossorio Boland
Dec 25, 1998 · 15:15
Hi
it's Christmas day and my baby boy died a year ago today at 31 days old.
He was born with severe aortic stenosis which was not discovered until
he was 18 hours old. This set in motion damage to his other organs that
eventually caused his death. This day is very hard for me, I did not
expect to be so sad. As a whole 1998 has not been a very good year. My
husband and I separated in July of this year and there is no hope for
reconcilliation. What makes this so hard is that he is really the only
one who went through this terrible ordeal with me. So I feel very alone.
The one joy in my life is my daughter who is 4 years old. Itried to make
this day special for her but is has been really hard. She sees me crying
and tells me how she knows that I am crying because of Benjamin. So here
I am. Sara has left to spend the rest of today with her father and I
don't really know what to do with myself. No one to really talk to. Just
very, very, sad.
Email Address: Not
available
Kim Andrews · from North
Carolina
Dec 29, 1998 · 20:23
My
husband and I share in grief, the loss of our daughter, Kaitlin Elaine.
She was a stillborn with cerebravascular abnormalities.
Email Address: lancekim@pindigital.net
Laurie Maynard · from Ohio
Dec 31, 1998 · 00:13
My
second child was stillborn at 37 weeks. He was a boy. He would be five
in January. At times it seems like it was yesterday. I don't have anyone
that understands how I am feeling.
Email Address: May0119@aol.com
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