M.E.N.D. 1999 Guestbook

The following entries were submitted by guests during 1999.  After reading these entries, you can click here to close the book.

Judy Woodman · from Marathon, NY

Jan 1, 1999 · 12:49

It's good to see there is a place out there for people who have suffered the most painful of losses, the loss of a child. I lost my precious angel Sam 10-19-98 And we still ache for him constantly. Thank God there are people out there who understand.

Email Address: rebel@a-znet.com

Jennifer and Kurtis Gentry · from Greensboro, North Carolina

Jan 7, 1999 · 18:10

I found your web site today, and cried for my baby again. I cried tears of grief for my child and I cried tears of joy knowing that I am not alone in my feelings. I felt understood. I felt that my baby was finally acknowledged and appreciated. Thank you, thank you, thank you. God has used you to bless me today. It's been three years exactly since the loss of my child and I miss him/her so much. I needed this. May God truly bless your ministry.

Email Address: kgentry@northstate.net

Meagan Ossorio Boland 

Jan 10, 1999 · 14:28

Just wanted to let you know of my new e-mail address.

Email Address: (New) meagossb@hotmail.com

Tammy Cash · from Glen, MS

Jan 10, 1999 · 16:27

I lost my son, Dawson Nathanael, at 38 weeks when I suffered a uterine rupture. He was 5 pounds 8 ounces and perfect. He came into this world December 15,1998. We buried him December 16, 1998. If anyone else has lost a child in this manner; I would love to hear from you.

Email Address: jstory@tsixroads.com

Cathy McNichols · from Seattle, WA

Jan 10, 1999 · 17:54

We lost our precious baby girl, Faith Emily, on October 28, 1998. She had hypoplastic left heart syndrome which we found out about when I was 20 weeks pregnant through a routine ultrasound. She had surgery when she was four days old and died a week later from complications from surgery. We miss her more than words can say. She will always be our little angel and we will love her forever.

Email Address: kmcnichols@aol.com

Cathie Joseph · from Michigan

Jan 14, 1999 · 20:50

My husband and I lost our first and only child, Don on 10-18-98. He was born at 28 wks. from conception. At 16 wks. the Dr. saw on an ultrasound that he only had one lung. His little heart was shifted completely to the right side of his chest. The specialists that we saw didn't feel that his condition was fatal, so we kept hoping and praying that he would overcome this obstacle. Then at 28 wks. I had premature rupture of membranes. I went into labor and had to have an emergency C-section. I'm just so grateful that we were with him while he was alive, and when he died. The hospital staffs were so wonderful to us. We have video, pictures, clothes and other momentos. I pray that I am blessed again with another pregnancy. We have been in infertility treatment for 5 years. If anyone else has a similar story, I would love to E-talk with you.

Email Address: ccj121@aol.com

Cassie Nipp · from Brownsboro, Texas

Jan 15, 1999 · 21:46

I lost one of twins after birth on August 27, 1998. I have been receiving your newsletter since that time. The poems and articles have really helped. I know the pain won't go away anytime soon, but you have helped in the healing. Thank you.

Email Address: cdanipp@aol.com

Leshia M.Nelson · from Burley, Idaho

Jan 17, 1999 · 18:02

Just wanted to drop a message. I have been recieving the MEND newsletter at my home for a year now. I do not have enough praise for the families and people who put together this letter. My husband and I went through a lot after the loss of our daughter, Shelby in November of 1997. A day after the first year anniversary of her death we discovered we were pregnant again!! Two days before Thanksgiving, I miscarried. We are now dealing with a second loss. We have come to have a much stronger faith in our God. We know He is with us and will carry us through this. I must put myself in His hands, I have no other choice. Our pain is real and we will have to walk through it. I have never experienced such pain in my life before. But I have learned so much as a result of this pain. My children, now with God, have given me much. I only pray that I will be strong enough and have enough wisdom to listen to His Will for me. It is not easy and has not been fun what so ever. I only pray that someday, I might have the chance to have a child that will stay here with me on this earth. Thanks to all of you at MEND. You are such inspirations and do such wonderful work. You show that life can go on and that we should always be grateful to a Power much Greater than any of us. God's Blessings with all that have lost their beloved children. Leshia M. Nelson

Email Address: nelsonbl@safelink.net

Sarah Ashworth · from Durango, CO

Jan 18, 1999 · 02:52

dont know really who to talk to, or what to write i lost my baby one month ago, would like more info on pregnancy loss.

Email Address: bjfidanque

Tammy Hajdo · from Roseville, MI

Jan 19, 1999 · 15:47

When I was 17 wks pregnant I found out my 5th child had Anencephaly, the major portion of her brain had failed to develop. My husband and I were devastated. The doctors all told us we should terminate, "everyone terminates these babies". After much prayer, my husband and I decided we just couldn't do that. To the medical community and many others our baby wasn't considered a baby anymore; just something to be discarded , but to us she was our special child. She just had a broken head.( We feel that deciding to terminate a pregnancy when something like this happens is a very difficult decision and do not condemn others for that decision.) For the next 6 months, we planned her birth and her death. At 8 months I found a new OB. She was very compassionate. She understood our need to hold our little girl even if only for a short while. For the first time since we found out, I was excited about my baby's birth. My due date was Dec. 17th, but we hoped our little one would wait until after Christmas. At 41 1/2 wks, on Dec. 28th,1998, we went to the hospital to be induced. I last felt my daughter move shortly before my doctor broke my water. I knew she was gone. She was my littlest baby at 6lbs, 18 3/4 in, but my hardest to deliver. I think a part of me didn't want to let her go. After she was born still, my doctor placed her on my stomach. I looked at Jessica's perfectly formed body, her little hands, her beautiful mouth and I hugged her to my chest. She was beautiful! Despite her anomaly, she was beautiful! I thanked my doctor and told her I would have done it all over again just to hold Jessica. She felt so good in my arms. We miss Our little Jessica Marie terribly but know we will see her again one day. Until that day, she will always be in our thoughts and in our hearts.And she will be our special child.

Email Address: JHAJDO@compuserve.com

Chandra Diggs · from Baltimore, MD

Jan 22, 1999 · 10:23

I spoke to Rebekah in November following the death of my newborn daughter(neonatal death due to hypoplastic lungs-she died 40 minutes after her birth). I am now interested in forming a support group/ministry here in Baltimore and would appreciate any advice you can give on how you became started. God has blessed me with 2 wonderful new friends who have also experienced similar losses and we are meeting tonight(1/22) to discuss what we are going to do. We are African American, Christian women and feel we need a group of our own aas there isn't anything else in our area for us. I have been to the Compassionate Friends here, but didn't feel that they were meeting my needs. I/we would appreciate as much information as you can offer. Perhaps we could even become an East Coast extension of M.E.N.D. We are planning to call ourselves (?) a grief ministry for Christians experiencing the loss of an infant, newborn or pregnancy. I called on Monday and left a message on the 888-695-mend #. You may reach me via e-mail(at work) or by telephone at home (410)594-9166. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you.

Email Address: Chandra_Diggs @hotmail.com

Sjona Lindquist · from Greenville, South Carolina

Jan 22, 1999 · 21:21

Thank you for such an encouraging newsletter. My husband and I lost our little girl on August 12, 1998 to a Strep infection. Michaela Kathleen Lindquist, 7lbs 5oz, 19 1/2 inches. She was our third daughter. Our doctor would not check me for a broken water about 4 weeks before she was born. I was concerned because I got small very quickly. She died the day she was born 4 weeks later due to strep from a broken water. The autopsy verified that my water had broken several weeks before. Blame and guilt are hard to bear sometimes. Sjona

Email Address: bonitaazul@aol.com

Mary Burnette · from Jackson, MS

Jan 25, 1999 · 10:52

I just received my first issue of your newsletter....it is wonderful!! Keep up the good work!

Email Address: maryburnette@bsosc.com

Denice Stewart · from VA

Jan 25, 1999 · 18:50

Kayla Janae Stewart age 8 months died 11-29-98.And I died with her.I am torn between being left in this world to finish my journey and wanting to be let home early to be with Kayla.I have three other children and Kayla is in the safe arms of Jesus so I know I have to find out who this new person is that I have became.I know one thing she is new & improved.And even through she is struggling to understand the lost of Kayla,she feels the worst pain on Earth.I pray for away to make my life mean more to me.It is an awakening that my baby is in heaven and I can not let nothing keep me from getting there too.I must love more,pray harder and live my life on the promises of the Lord.I know I am being "carried by Jesus"now and when I am stronger I will be able to walk with him by my side.I love you Lord and Even through I do not know why something so awful has happen to our family I know my human thinking can never equal the wisdom that only you have.I feel sometimes my love for you is being tested but that is the only thing that has not changed since losing my Kayla.I love you and know you do not make mistakes.My Kayla was pure love and this world was just not good enough - Heaven is.Thanks for reading. to heaven with my Kayla.

Email Address: destew1234@aol.com

Doug & Kim Neblett · from Honolulu, HI

Jan 29, 1999 · 16:09

I did sign guest book back on July 22nd 98, but we have moved and have a new e-mail address in case anyone would like to write and just talk dneblett8@prodigy.net thank you for this site, I know it has helped me . Kim Neblett

Email Address: dneblett8@prodigy.net

Kimberly Lotz · from Merced, CA

Feb 1, 1999 · 15:01

My first born son was stillborn on January 11,1996.We named him Tyler Branden Lotz.Please visit his web sit in his memory and sign his guest book.It is currently underconstruction but will be completed the end of Feb. 1999.I would like to share our story with anyone who would like to hear it. www.geocities.com/Area51/Dimension/2446

Email Address: kimlotz@yahoo.com

Christopher Pike · from San Diego, CA

Feb 1, 1999 · 18:02

Today would be my son Christopher’s 2nd birthday. It’s hard to believe two years have passed since he came and left us too quickly. Much has changed in the past 24 months, including me. It is easy to say that my innocence is gone and that my perception of the world will be forever besmirched. True enough. But my son would not be proud of me if I allowed his passing to taint and spoil all the virtue that surrounds me. I have a loving, supportive wife and family. We have been blessed with a beautiful baby girl who will learn of the big brother who left his indelible mark upon us, and whom she resembles greatly. My faith is intact and I have been steeled by this ache. I mourn, but I am not cowed. I endure and I carry Christopher’s memory proudly. I will see you again someday, my son. Look for me.

Email Address: chris.pike@marconi-is.com

Michele Maher · from Mt Vernon, IL

Feb 12, 1999 · 06:01

I lost my baby angel nicholas on december 15, 1998 to Group B Strep, I had tested negative a week before delivery. I sat up last night just wondering why me/why him???We probaly have asked that. As I read your column I feel that I'm not alone and we all will get through this. I have alot of faith, I guess thats why I have come this far. God Bless all the Mommies that are suffering. Michele

Email Address: maher01@midwest.com

Christine & Richard Waldrop · from Poway, CA

Feb 18, 1999 · 16:02

We lost our angel Brittney Marie at 38 weeks due to "cord torsion", her cord was too short and had twisted itself severely, not a minute goes by that we don't think about her, but we know that God will bless us with another child.

Email Address: tncwaldrop@aol.com

Christina Mahoney · from Gloucester Point, Virginia

Feb 19, 1999 · 13:32

I delivered a girl named Kaitlyn Madison Mahoney on April 24, 1998. She arrived three months early due to complications resulting from an amniocentesis and a placental abruption. She weighed two pounds, one ounce and lived for two days.

Email Address: cmahoney@admin.sbo.gc.k12.va.us

Donna Ray · from Burleson, TX

Feb 23, 1999 · 23:44

John Barnett, father of Lori King, recommended that I log on to mend.org. We lost our daughter, Ellie, to SIDS on Christmas Eve. She was born December 23rd, 1998. I finally had the strength to log on and read some of the newsletters and other information. I would like to attend a meeting. I know Lori's father through my job and really am thankful that she has such wonderful parent's to support her. Thank you for creating this mission.

Email Address: donna.ray@peri.com

Edwina J. Jackson · from Dallas, Texas

Feb 24, 1999 · 11:04

On 4 Dec. my first grandchild, a grandson was born at 6.5 months & died 2 hours before delivery. I never got to hold him. The kids live in Fairfax, VA while my partner & I live in Dallas, TX. This is the greatest pain I have ever known & it seems that so many don't understand. Their idea is often that "he never lived" but he did live - for 6.5 months in Karen's womb - and eternity in my future. He will never call me Grammie. I need some help & support from people who understand and know that he truly did live.

Email Address: ejackson@cathedralofhope.com

Kim Taylor · from Missouri

Feb 24, 1999 · 21:23

On the days that I become overwhelmed in grief it has helped me to remember that I am still a good Mother, even though my little bundle of joy is not living here on earth. I gave my child more love than I ever knew I could give. I held him in my arms only to feel his spirit returned to the One who gave him life. I trusted in My Lord to take him into His care because I knew that only He could give him paradise. I was willing to give my own life in exchange for his. I was the only Mother that God had selected for my son. I carried him in my womb knowing miracles of life are not guaranteed... I took that chance. I mourned uncontrollably for the loss of my precious baby. I gave him a name. I buried his little body in the ground. I have pushed on in life with that empty space still in my heart. I keep his memory alive by continuing to remind others that he was here but now he is gone. I am still proud that I conceived him, gave birth to him and he was so beautiful. I said hello and good bye to him and told him how sorry I was to let him go. I will always cherish him. Everything I did for my son makes me a good Mother... I did not fail!!! Other Mothers too... should hold their heads high... stay proud... remember... you are the BEST MOM!!! Sincerely, Jody's Mom

Email Address: smfamw7@aol.com

Jennie Atkins · from Montgomery, AL

Mar 2, 1999 · 02:46

My husband and I recently experienced the loss of our child, Mary Cameron. She was stillborn on January 28th due to a cord accident at 40 weeks.

Email Address: Opelia794@aol.com

Retta Norris · from Dallas

Mar 5, 1999 · 22:14

I first discovered your web site shortly after we lost our baby in August. It was somehow comforting to see that other people were experiencing this unbearable pain also. Nearly six months later, I still feel the pain very deeply. We lost our "angel" on Aug 26 1998 unknown cause (which was very hard to accept) at 18 weeks. Now we are trying to conceive again with no success thus far. This has been very difficutl for me because we have never had problems getting pregnant before. I feel all the pain coming back again with each month that goes by and I'm not pregnant. I thank God everyday for the two healthy boys we have but somehow that doesn't make my pain any more bearable. I would very much like to email with someone who has had similar circumstances. I find it very hard to discuss this with my "friends" or even my family. Thank you, Rebekah, your work with this organization is so powerful.

Email Address: rettanorri@aol.com

Melanie Burgess · from Texas

Mar 7, 1999 · 15:42

I am having a difficult time right now. On the twenty-fifth of March it will be three years since my precious son Shawn Patrick passed away. He was born prematurely at 27 weeks gestation, and fought for life for almost two months. I was there when he started his short journey on Earth, and I held him and kissed him goodbye as he left to be with the Lord in Heaven. His life and death have affected my life in more ways than I had thought possible. My husband and I were blessed with another pregnancy less than a month after Shawn died. Within a years time I gave birth to a beautiful son, was devastated by his death, and then right before the year was up I gave birth to another perfect little boy. Jacob Lance is now a gorgeous two year old who has given us so much joy. I would appreciate someone to correspond with through e-mail who has been through a similar experience. I'm writing this through my tears, so please forgive any misspellings or other errors! May God bless you all and comfort you in your times of grief.

Email Address: mburgess_@excite.com

Amanda Martin · from Kingston, Ontario, Canada

Mar 8, 1999 · 17:48

I have recently suffered the loss of my son Jonathan due to stillbirth. I would appreciate any and all advice your society could give me to make this time more bearable for me and my fiance. I feel so empty and like I have nowhere to turn for help, like the world has shut itself against me. I miss him so much, I feel like theres nowhere I can go for advice or support. I love my son, and I wish he was here with me.

Email Address: monalisa_hanson@yahoo.com

Liz & Worth · from Roswell, GA

Mar 10, 1999 · 22:33

My husband and I lost our first born child, Sonny, on January 29, 1999. He died due to a cord accident at 41 weeks.

Email Address: duperier@mindspring.com

Mark and Amy Allred · from Greenville,TX

Mar 12, 1999 · 12:11

We appreciate the work you do to support families like us!!!

Email Address: theallreds@juno.com

Amy Allred · from Greenville, TX

Mar 12, 1999 · 12:37

I know that I already signed the guest book, but I am looking for someone who can identify with our baby's situation. We found out at 21 weeks that our precious baby had not formed a skull. We waited six weeks, did another soogram, and then induced labor. our baby died during delivery as expected, but also had spina bifida among other problems. I have been looking through the guest book, and have not found anything like this. If your situation is similar, please respond.

Email Address: theallreds@juno.com

Britt and Elisabeth Brandenburg · from Coppell, Texas

Mar 17, 1999 · 23:56

March 4, 1999 was the last day I felt my little girl kick. I was at my 36th week. I had just had a sonogram Monday and everything was wonderful. I went to the hospital on Friday morning hoping that I was overreacting. At 10:00 a.m. I found out that she did not have a heartbeat. They induced labor and my husband and I delivered Madison Rose at 9:34 a.m. March 6th. Maddie died of a cord accident. It was looped around her arm. She was born still. She was 7lbs. 7oz. and perfect. We got pictures, footprints, a lock of hair, and said our good-byes. We burried her March 9th. She will always be our little angel. Mommy and Daddy love you, Maddie.

Email Address: brittnbeth@aol.com

Ami Love · from Columbus, Ohio

Mar 19, 1999 · 21:09

My fiance and I lost our twins last week in my ninth week of pregnancy due to a miscarriage. This was the worst pain of my life I have ever endured. As I laid on the table while my Dr was begining our second ultrasound, I immediately knew my babies were not ok as I could tell neither of them had heartbeats anymore. I was in complete shock and could not think of anything other than this cannot be happening to us. I had a D & C done a week ago today and still wake up every morning with a tear in my eye wishing to feel that tiny little buldge in my belly just beginning to grow. How I long to feel those babies growing in me again. I guess God will bless us agian when he feels the time is right, but for now it is just so hard to accept why. I now can begin to understand the pain and emptiness my parents felt and are still feeling after the death of my oldest brother. I have always missed him and wished to be able to hug and talk to him just one more time, but what a totally different mourning I am going thru now. I pray for all of us going thru this kind of devestating loss and send my blessings that we may all find the strength to carry on as we know in our hearts that is what our precious babies would want us to do! I would love to hear from any of you with any advice, I am doing alot of reading and research, but it helps to hear actual stories and feelings of those who are going through this same loss.

Email Address: nalalove1@aol.com

Sharon Weinhofer · from Queens, NY

Mar 21, 1999 · 03:00

This is the first time that I have found this site. My son, Matthew, was due on August 29, 1999. On August 25, 1999 I hadn't felt him move all day. Later that afternoon, I went to the hospital for a checkup only to find that he had no heartbeat. An autopsy revealed an additional lobe in my placenta, but they are not sure why my son died. He was a perfect baby. During the first few months, I was numb, and I felt like I was in a bad dream. Now it is 7 months later, and I feel that I should be handling this better than I am, but instead, I now feel like I am falling apart. We are trying to have another baby, and I am consumed with it, as well as consumed by anger and grief and everything else. I don't feel like I am handling this well. How am I supposed to feel? I can't stand to hear about anyone else pregnant. I was in a support group, it was OK. I am going to try private counseling. Thank you for listening to me.

Email Address: micrazi@aol.com

Jayne Brown · from Dallas, TX

Mar 22, 1999 · 17:45

My name is Jayne and my daughter Angel Christine was stillborn January 13, 1998. Since then I have been in touch with so many organizations and M.E.N.D. has been really wonderful. Angel died as a result of a cord accident. Her cord was not attached to the placenta correctly and twisted until she lost all oxygen. I was so devastated when I found out. I never in my life thought that anything like that would happen to me. Angel was unexpected but never unwanted. I never questioned why because I believe that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. She was just so precious that God wanted her up there with Him. i talk about her to her older sister Sydni (4) all the time and she is starting to realize what happened to Angel. I want to thank all individuals and organizations out there dedicated to comforting and supporting all those who have suffered losses of our precious little ones. Please email me if you wan to share your story or just need someone to talk to.

Email Address: jcbrown38@yahoo.com

Shelly · from Edmonton, Alberta Canada

Mar 25, 1999 · 18:35

June 14, 1996 I was 6 and half months pregnant when my daughter was born by C-section. Kaylee weight 470 grams (1 pound) she lived for 58 days, she died Aug 11,1996. I have a memorial page for her if you want to visit it. http://members.tripod.com/~Kayang_99/Kayindex.html

Email Address: scv@telusplanet.net

Sondra Schiltz · from Findlay, Ohio

Mar 27, 1999 · 01:20

On March 17, 1998 Erich Wade Schiltz was stillborn by emergency c-section due to placental abruption. It caused a life threatening hemorrage. My husband and I have questioned fate and God on why it happened. There was no warning of it. I had been to the doctor that day and was told it could be anytime and if not over the weekend they would induce labor the next week. I was excited and rushed home to tell my husband the news. We were getting excited knowing the end was near and we would soon be able to hold our son and have 3 healthy children and 2 angels. Life was not meant to be that way. I have two children from prior marriage and life. Wade and I have no children together. He has adopted the son from a prior marriage. The pregnancy was very uneventful and he was a very active baby and very strong. Later that afternoon contractions started and went for 4 hours at ten minutes apart and about 6 they went to five minutes apart and we were told to go to the hospital where they would be waiting on us. They were and things were still fine he had a very strong heartbeat and I was 4 cm dilated and progressing fine. Next thing I know I thought my water had broken but I was hemorraging and Erich was immediately in distress and they did an emergency c-section. He was born 8 1/2 minutes after the hemorrage started. He had been without oxygen for to long to be saved though they tried.The doctors and nurses left the operating room crying. He was a perfection imitation of his father from the hair to the feet. We held him as did his grandparents. We had him baptized that night. My husband sure learned alot about nursing while I was in the hospital! He has been my best support, nurse and friend. Life has not been easy this past year! The trigger is believed to be anti-nuclear antibodies. If anyone knows about this please let me know. Please e-mail me if you ever need anyone to talk to. We love and miss you dearly our angel, Erich!!!

Email Address: slschiltz1

Monique · from Toronto, Canada

Mar 29, 1999 · 23:14

The first anniversary of my beautiful's daughter's death is approaching April 3. Her name was Emma Caitlyn Janice and she was born in cardiac arrest one week afetr her due date. This was our first child and her death hit us like a brick wall in the face. I had the most amazing pregnancy - no morining sickness, no high blood pressure - absolutely nothing to indicate there were any problems. I went into labour early morning April 3 and after two and a half hours was in terrible pain. My husband and I went to the hospital where I was told everything was fine and that I wasn't dilated enough to be admitted. We were concerned because the heartrate was terribly erratic but it was dismissed. Around 4 pm we back to the hospital because I knew something wasn't right. My water was broken and mecconium was found. The doctor on-call wasn't too concerned but mentioned to my mother (a nurse) that I might be sectioned. Well, to make a long, heartbreaking story short - after 14 hours of labour and Emma's heartrate erratically dropping from 150 to 50 I was rushed in for an emergancy c-section but it was too late our precious little angel was gone. The shock was unlike any I've ever imagined because my pregnancy was so perfect. My husband and I held our daughter for the first and last time that night and I have to say even a year later that those where the most precious moments of my life and if I had to do it all over again to hold her for five more minutes I would. I think about her night and day and my heart aches for her. I commend all the women who have had the courage to reach out for advice and those who have shared their own tragedies in effort to help someone else. Congradulations to MEND for a fine job.

Email Address: www.monique.m@home.com

Tracy Wondaal · from IN

Mar 31, 1999 · 03:38

LOSS A DAUGHTER AT 14 DAYS, DUE TO A PCVC LINE INFULTRATING... SHE WAS THE BIGGEST ONE OF QUADS........

Email Address: TRACYISTRO@AOL.COM

Erica Jenkins · from Oak park, MI

Mar 31, 1999 · 18:20

I lost my son Joshua, 11/27/98 and it was the most devastating experience I hope and pray that no one could ever experience. He was born on 05/30/98, at 25wks. My water broke and I stayed in the hospital for two weeks before he came. He never came off the ventilator. He survived for almost six months. I use to call him "Mommies little hotdog". I tried committing suicide shortly after his death. I recieved therapy and it helps a great deal. I was mad at myself for not having more faith in my religion. I finally realize that it wasn't true. It was just his time to go. I miss him very much and I know one day we shall meet again. I am looking for a mom or dad who shared the same experience I did and learned how to deal with their lost of their child who could please give some inspirational words to keep me going. Thank You.

Email Address: joshiesMom05@hotmail.com

Leshia Nelson · from Burley, Idaho

Apr 2, 1999 · 11:52

Good Friday it is. My heart is heavy but also joyous to the upcoming Holy Weekend. My thoughts today are with my daughter, Shelby Rosa, who we lost in November of 1997, our baby Nelson who we lost to miscarriage in November 1998. I know they are with us. It still hurts so much not having them here. We are now expecting again. I am now 13 weeks along. All is well so far. I just wanted to post a message to all those parents out there who are struggling through the loss of a child. This pain is so overwhelming. But I know I have a Power much greater than myself that has carried me and continues to wrap His love around myself and my husband. Happy Easter to all and my thoughts are with each and every one of you. May the Lord Bless and keep us all. Leshia

Email Address: nelsonbl@safelink.net

Jennifer Buterakos · from Grand Blanc, Michigan

Apr 4, 1999 · 13:43

I wrote about my son Tyler who passed away on 1-7-99. Tyler was born 3 months premature on 12-5-98. He lived for one short month and we miss him so very much, but know that he is safe in Heaven with my father. I hope that everyone here has a wonderful EASTER and know that your little angel is safe. We all have to have that FAITH!!! We WILL see our Angels again. Anyways, my e-mail address has changed so I hope that if anyone has e-mailed me please don't think that I have been ignoring you. I just haven't had an e-mail address. I hope to get one soon, but in the mean time I'll use my mom's.

Email Address: BHGKATHY@AOL.COM

Shelly · from Canada

Apr 5, 1999 · 13:22

Hi I signed the guest book before but I have a new email address and a new memorial for my daughter so if any wants to place flowers. Please sign my guest book http://www.geocities.com/~tstevens/kvuong.html

Email Address: kayang_99@yahoo.com

Alisa · from Donna, TX

Apr 7, 1999 · 22:02

This site is exactly what I have been looking for since I came home from the hospital. My baby Sharon was delivered by emergency C-section on March 7, 1999 when I was only 23 weeks along. God has given me a great deal of peace and comfort through my whole ordeal. He gave me two miracles on that terrible day that literally saved my life (I had complications on the operating table and should have died). I just want to give him all the praise and glory for my very existance. To all those mothers and fathers who still can't understand why this happened to you; try to stop asking why and focus your thoughts and attention to the God that gives you life each and every day. I know that it is very hard not to wonder why it all happened, because I did for a few days. But God helped me to realize very quickly that asking why was only causing me more grief and that I needed to be thankful for the life I have. God bless you!!

Email Address: sharon_hope@hotmail.com

Mari Anderson · from Costa Mesa, CA

Apr 10, 1999 · 23:19

I lost my daughter two months ago adn I hate myself. I constantly blame my self. See I have a son from a previous marriage and Paris was my husband first child. It is so weird how life just turns on you. I thought I was going to bring home a small baby (she was born early) instead we had to plan her death not her baby shower. I am just so angry at times. Again I do thank God for letting me have 11 wonderful days with her.

Email Address: msa93@oclink.com

Fiona & Mark McLaughlin · from Scotland

Apr 11, 1999 · 16:31

My husband and I have, for the last 2 years, been looking for information about miscarriage. We have been unfortunate enough to suffer the loss of 3 babies, all at 6 weeks gestation. Tonight, we have read practically everything that is on this web site and certainly for me, it has brought back lots of memories. I could only see people from USA and Canada who had signed the guest book and wondered whether I should or not. I have never actually sat and written about how I feel about the 3 babies we have lost because I, quite honestly, don't know how to. I can't even imagine the words I would use to describe how I feel. We talk about them to each other but no one in our families ever mentions them. If we do, then they get all embarressed and uneasy about the subject. I find this quite unbearable. We lost our first baby in 24 March 1997. We had been married for 6 months but had been told that it was highly unlikely that we would ever have children...you can imagine the joy when we found out we were pregnant. We were on cloud nine for about 5 days when suddenly, I started bleeding. Our Doctor laughed at us and said 'oh well, it looks like you've lost it this time!!!!' We were heart broken. We got all the usual comments..you're young..there must be something wrong with it...at least you were only 6 weeks, it would be worse if you were further on... We lost our second baby in October 1997 and our third in August 1998, we are hoping to get pregnant again soon but we are terrified to find out when we do incase anything else goes wrong. Unfortunately, us Brits tend to be 'the stiff upper lip' types and it is not 'normal' to discuss things like this in groups. I feel strange about writing this, but, I have to say that I now feel that, at least our babies have been acknowledged. Up until now, I feel that people think we are neurotic because we still grieve for our unborn babies. I can see now that we are 'just normal.' I write this in memory of our 3 babies that we got a chance to love, but not to know. Fiona McLaughlin

Email Address: FIONAM001@aol.com

Kathleen Schwitzner · from Brookfield, IL

Apr 12, 1999 · 17:42

Our son David was born 03/04/99 and lived 35 minutes. He was born at 29 weeks. During the pregnancy, he was diagnosed with fetal bladder outlet obstruction, which we tried to alleviate with both bladder drains and catheter surgery. After his birth (and death), he was diagnosed with VACTERL, a group of associated birth defects (each letter of VACTERL stands for a defect). I would welcome correspondence with anyone who has lost a child due to the bladder problem (also prune belly) or VACTERL. Our sadness is compounded by the loss of another child due to miscarriage in late 1997. I'm beginning to wonder if we will ever take a child home with us from the hospital... Take care everyone. This is a very hard thing to live with.

Email Address: schwitz@anet.com

Amy & David Cady · from Roswell, GA

Apr 13, 1999 · 10:02

We lost our baby girl, Hope, at 32 weeks on January 10, 1999. She was stillborn due to a CORD ACCI####. Hope was beautiful and perfect in every way. She had a tiny little nose and mouth and perfectly formed fingers and toes. She weighed 3 lbs. 4 oz. and was 16 1/2 inches long. Our precious "Hopey" changed our lives forever! We have never known such pain or incredible love. "If only" I knew she was struggling for life New Years Eve. "If only" I recognized the signs. "If only" I knew then what I know now. "If only" I could hold her again-I would hold her forever in my arms, not only in my heart. May God bless all of us who have lost our sweet, longed for babies. May He give us all "Hope" for the future.

Email Address: adcady@bellsouth.net

Stephanie · from Anchorage, AK

Apr 13, 1999 · 19:49

After finding out that I had identical twin baby girls with Twin To Twin Transfusion Syndrome in January, I elected to have therapuetic amnio taps to try and carry the girls. I went into the hospital on March 5th in hopes of making it to 28 weeks. The girls were monitored 3 times a day, and we had taps every couple of days. On March 17th at 26 weeks, between my second and third monitor of the day, my sweet angels died. Kaylor Lee and Haley Briann were stillborn on March 19, 1999. They were perfect in every way, just small. How I miss them....

Email Address: SAMatzoo@aol.com

Lina Sorrentino · from Davis, CA

Apr 14, 1999 · 20:16

I was very impressed by this website. I love anything that has to do with saving lives and especially the lives of our innocent babies. I'm a pro-lifer and hope that you will come to see my website. I also have an email list called "People for Life". It is for educating and keeping up with all the news in the pro-life movement. I would love to have you join. God bless you. Your sister through Christ, Lina

Email Address: linkie@crosschek.com

Cheryl Schneider · from Edmonton, Alberta

Apr 16, 1999 · 01:11

On June 8, 1996 our little girl, Victoria was born at 7 lbs and 11 ounces at 39 weeks. She was such a healthy and beautiful looking baby. It's been almost 3 years since we had to say goodbye to her and in some ways it feels like just yesterday. One of my greatest sorrows is that we do not have any joyful or comforting memories of her. Only the memories of pain, sadness, and helplessness. If only once I would love to think of her without the tears and heartache. It brings some comfort to know that there are parents out there that understand the heartache of losing a child, a child that we did not have the chance to know. If anyone would like to correspond please email me.

Email Address: martha2b@oanet.com

Angie Newman · from Simpsonville, CA

Apr 17, 1999 · 22:16

I LOST MY TWO TWIN GIRLS BORN 3/26/98.AMANDA DIED 3/28/98. ASHLEY WENT TO JOIN HER SISTER 5/8/98.THEY WERE TAKEN AT 26 WEEKS.AMANDA WEIGHED 15.5oz ASHLEY WEIGHED 1pound 2 OZ.

Email Address: NOT SURE

Deborah Stecker · from NY

Apr 19, 1999 · 12:23

My baby girl Jacklynn Elizabeth Stecker was stillborn 3/16/99 one week before her due date. There is not a day that goes by that my thought and tears are not for Jacklynn. It has been 34 days since my nightmare began and recently I realized it will never end.

Email Address: deborah@thesteckers.com

Kerry Lee · from Lyndhurst, Ontario, Canada

Apr 20, 1999 · 11:39

Third child, Cassandra Dawn was born at 38 weeks. At 14 hours old was diagnosed with a heart problem. After being transferred to another hospital it was determined that she had Transposition of The Great Vessels. Underwent open heart surgery at 7 days old and survived for another five weeks following. After a long and lengthy struggle she was removed from life support after we saw that she was sufferring from many brain hemmorages. She passed away one day shy of six weeks. June 19, 1997 - July 30, 1997. I have gone on to have one more child, my last, and am hoping to correspond with other moms who have had this type of loss.

Email Address: angel@kingston.net

LaWanda Parsons · from Grovetown, Georgia

Apr 23, 1999 · 14:22

I and my husband just lost our first baby on April 15, 1999. We have been married for three years and where happily expecting our child. We found out that we had a baby boy, which is what we wanted most of all. We are heart-broken and bewildered. May God give us direction.

Email Address: Bantu60@hotmail.com

Kammy Smith · from Pocatello, Idaho

Apr 24, 1999 · 15:16

On February 16, 1999 I lost my little girl. She was stillborn weighing 4 ounces. I didn't think that I could ever get through it. I am now starting to heal emotionally. Things are getting easier and life has to go one. I miss her and know that she is with God.

Email Address: Idahoflowr@aol.com

Sue Koepke · from WI

Apr 26, 1999 · 21:00

I too am a survivor of the loss of a child to Sids! people who are going throgh this time need to know that there is healing and great joy still to come in their life! but they must allow Jesus to heal them, this does not mean that they just forget about their child, in fact talking about their child and not trying to act like he or she never existed is on of the keys to healing! I ment a woman a while back who had lost her child 18 years ago,but she had never moved from grieving to healing because after her child died no one would let her talk about him! they acted like he never exsited, so she never healed!

Email Address: squeak70@mailcity.com

Denise Hillyard · from Riverview, FL

Apr 30, 1999 · 23:13

In February of 1994, I suffered a ruptured placenta and we lost our son Robert at 17 days.

Email Address: hillyardhotel@yahoo.com

Tracy Utterback · from Mt Pleasant, Michigan

May 1, 1999 · 15:57

It is coming upon a year that I lost my beautiful baby girl Dominique. May 15th is the day she was born/died at 22 1/2 weeks. I have come a long way in my grief. I didn't think I would know in this life time why this happened, but now know it was to make me a stronger person. I have dealt with this mostly alone. I have been receiving your newsletter for almost a year now and have found it to be a great help. What a wonderful thing you are doing for all of us parents who have lost children. Keep up the great work and thank you for being here for me. God Bless, Love Tracy

Email Address: utterbutter911

Michele & Robert Kallus · from LaGrange, Texas

May 1, 1999 · 18:35

Peace Be With Us All.

Email Address: mkallus@cvtv.net

Joshua Kallus · from LaGrange, Texas

May 1, 1999 · 19:33

We lost our Sarah Elizabeth on Oct.15,1999. She is and always will be my baby sister, the one I always wanted. Big brother loves you Sarah. Love, Joshua As in Joanne Cacciatore's Book. "Dear Cheyenne" "we have reached the Red Sea in our lives, we can't go back, we can't go around, so we must go through it." Michele.

Email Address: mkallus@cvtv.net

Deidre' and Kyle Bramlett · from Dallas, Texas

May 3, 1999 · 16:34

We lost our baby girl, Kayce Dolores, at 24 weeks. I had a weak cervix and had a bulging bag when I went into labor. She was born on March 14th by emergency c-section and passed away on March 15th. She died due to numerous complications after birth. She is in heaven now with my mom and not a day goes by that I do not think of them together watching over us. I would love to talk to anyone who has lost a baby at 24 weeks. Thank you to my husband who has been my "Hero" through all of this and continues to be the "wind beneath my wings". We love you Kayce and will one day meet again...Mom and Dad

Email Address: deidre.bramlett@amend.com

Kim Boyle · from Kelowna B.C. Canada

May 3, 1999 · 19:13

My daughter Madalaine Lee April 23,1995 was born still at 28 weeks due to complications from H.E.L.L.P. syndrome. Even after all this time I still need more answers. I have very little info on the syndrome and would love to here from you if you've had a simular experience.

Email Address: http://hotmailboylegoylz

Tamara Brown · from Eglin A.F.B., FL

May 4, 1999 · 01:02

My husband and I lost our beautiful baby boy, Anthony Jamal, on June 9,1998. Our son died of Hypoplastic Left heart Syndrome. His disease was found when I was 5 months pregnant with him. After some nights filled with tears, my husband and I decided to have sugery done on Anthony's heart. He was born at 40 weeks and 5 days. He weighed 9lbs and 7ozs. He looked very healthy and strong, but his poor heart was extremly weak. The doctors decided to go ahead with the surgery on Anthony's 4th day of life. Before Anthony went into surgery, I whispered in his ear,"I love you. I will always love you. Good Bye." That was the last time I saw him alive. I don't think I would have been able to go on with my live if my Husband wasn't there to go through the heartache with me. I can only thank God that I have a healthy 3year old and another baby expected to be here in June 1999. Please E mail us if you had a infant die recently of Hypoplastic Left Heart syndrome. God be with you.

Email Address: yogi4@gateway.net

Nansi Stretcher · from Dallas, TX

May 6, 1999 · 11:11

We found out about 7 months into the pregnancy that something was wrong with our daughter Melanie. The doctors didn't know what it was or how serious it was, but she wasn't moving like she should and she kept arms and legs contracted. We monitored her twice a week for the remainder of the pregnancy. Her heartbeat remained strong and her growth stayed on track for a healthy baby. On the morning of April 12th I went in for a C-Section. Because the doctors still didn't know what was wrong with Melanie they made sure that the neonatologists were on-hand and ready for anything. Melanie came out completely silent and struggling to breathe. They immediately put her on a respirator and spent the next 17 hours trying to get her lungs to work properly. She never was able to breathe and the doctors removed the respirator late that night. She died in my arms without ever taking a breath or opening her eyes. My greatest sorrow is that I didn't have the time or opportunity to show her how much I love her. I don't have any happy memories of her, so every thought just brings tears. The tentative diagnosis for what killed her is a syndrome called Pena-Shokeir. It's a very rare disease and they're not sure what the chances of reoccurence are if we want to have another baby. I thank God every day for my beautiful 21-month-old son, but I desperately want a baby to hold in my arms.

Email Address: judds@flash.net

Angela Olmstead · from Pennsylvania

May 7, 1999 · 13:52

i would like to be able to find chat sites to help me get through this hard time in my life. i had a son born at 23 weeks and i feel that there is something more that i could have done to prevent this. if you have any information that could help me please email me. thank you

Email Address: a_ngela_98@yahoo.com

Michelle Hs · from England, UK

May 8, 1999 · 20:35

What a wonderful experience to make contact with an organisation which is truly reaching out to "women in need." I experienced the trauma of a miscarriage last year and was extremely fortunate to have the love and support of family and friends.I am now interested in supporting the cause to improve the services offered to families following miscarriage and neonatal death.

Email Address: mjd .hys.@uk gatewaynet

Connie Dooley · from Euless, TX

May 9, 1999 · 18:46

My husband and I lost our baby girl "Madisson" when I was 23 weeks pregnant. I had eclampsia... This was our first, but I have two other children who are 10 and 7 by a previous marriage. My husband is very distraught and upset at God. I am hurting too but am trying to be strong for all of us. He thiniks I have my girls and he has know one. We are hurting... We we're looking so forward to having this baby. It is like we have all negative going for us. He says our marriage is not the same, our family life is not the same. I am scared I am losing him too... I am going to try and attend your meeting on Thursday's . I never thought I would be going through this and looking for answers.

Email Address: ckayforce@aol.com

Karen Ritchey · from Canada

May 9, 1999 · 23:45

Just thinking of all the Mom's with empty arms this Mothers Day... Hugs of courage to each of you... Our son Kyle was born still on June 2,1988,(Potters Syndrome) and there were several years where my Mothers Day was simply a sad day of reflections and tears... I praise God for my three living children that I have now...who made me stale toast and coffee for breakfast today! I will say a special prayer tonight for those Mom's who are without their children...my heart goes out to each one.

Email Address: coney@cheerful.com

Jeff Chappell · from Dallas, Texas

May 10, 1999 · 19:58

........

Email Address: JCHAPP@parknet.pmh.org

Susan Archer · from Indiana

May 15, 1999 · 10:38

I wish there was a MEND group here in Indiana! It's been 16 years since my daughter died after a premature birth, but it NEVER gets any easier to deal with.

Email Address: PSArcher@gte.net

Suzanne · from Mountainburg, AR

May 15, 1999 · 17:59

Hello everyone!!! I have signed before in the guestbook. I just wanted to let everyone know that I have a memorial site in Sean's honor, and thought I would leave the url here. It is: http://www.angelfire.com/ar/OurAngel If you visit the page please let me know what you think. Thanks. Suzanne P.S. In case you were wondering I signed the 1998 guestbook in September.

Email Address: jacsrc@ipa.net

Theresa · from New Jersey

May 15, 1999 · 22:20

I often visit this website for comfort. I signed this guestbook in early September 1998 - about 5 months after my son Philip died at 15 days old. In February of this year, I lost my second child, Nathanael, through a miscarriage at 12 weeks. Please keep me and my husband in your prayers. I would like to hear from someone who has experienced multiple losses. Thank you for maintaining this website. God bless.

Email Address: theresamaria@thedoghousemail.com

Dee · from Ft Riley KS

May 16, 1999 · 21:26

I signed your guest book last year. We now have a home for our angel Brittney if you would like to visit it it is at http://homepage.oz-online.net/~/Brit_1.htm

Email Address: momx5@oz-online.net

Jamie · from Louisville, KY

May 19, 1999 · 04:43

Our beautiful baby boy, Ethan Ryan, was born 7lbs, 7.6 oz, 19 1/2 in. long on March 7, 1999. He was perfectly healthy. We did not go home until March 12 due to my elevated temp following a c-section. But Ethan had no problems. On the 15th, he was very sleepy and I had trouble getting him to eat. After calling his pediatrician we took him to the ER just to be sure he was OK. He was admitted for observation and was believed to have a bacterial infection. From that point on it seems like everything went downhill very, very fast. I was in total shock. Two days later he was transferred to ICU and the day after that he was put on a ventilator (that was a Thursday). I never, ever, ever imagined my newborn baby would end up on a ventilator. I never even thought he would even had to be admitted the night we took him to the ER. That Saturday viral cultures finally came back positive for Influenza B!!!!!!!!!!!!! His lungs were very badly damaged and the following Thursday he went into respiratory failure and was placed on ECMO, a lung bypass machine. He was put on the ECMO to give his lungs a chance to rest and recover, but his lungs could not recover. Ethan lived for 3 weeks and 1 day on ECMO. Ethan died on April 16, 1999, and we buried him on April 19. I still can't believe any of this has happened to us and I can't believe he's gone for good. Ethan was the best thing I've ever done. He was so beautiful and perfect and I loved him so much. I read all these stories and we go to a support group but I've NEVER heard of anything like this happening to anyone else! It's been one month and 2 days and I AM DYING inside! I can't believe I will never see my baby Ethan again. One minute he was fine and then all of the sudden he was so sick. My husband and I have a very good marriage and we are holding on to each other but we both feel like God not only took our baby but took our happy marriage from us. I'm too angry to turn to God right now, maybe that will come later. Please someone help me, I'm falling apart everyday.

Email Address: Sunnye98@Yahoo.com

Mellanie Golec · from Portland, OR

May 19, 1999 · 10:23

I lost a son 10 1/2 years ago. He just stopped breathing. They didn't call it SIDS but they found no reason so they called it "unknown". Although it has been a long time, I have just had another baby so a lot of things come up. I think the feeling that someone has knocked the wind out of you lessens but it never quite goes away.

Email Address: mellgolec@aol.com

Candy · from California

May 21, 1999 · 01:53

About a week and a half ago i miscarried a 12 week baby. I have never known anyone to miscarriage at all. and i am very young. My husband and I felt it was right to have happened but it doesnt take away the sadness i have felt since that day in the ER. I have been more depressed than i have ever been in my whole life and i had no idea why or what was going on and noone to comfort me. I went into a christian chat room on yahoo to find some encouraging words. and they directed me to your web page. i just want to say thank you. you have been a blessing.

Email Address: lakwtrs@kltymail.com

Donna · from Michigan

May 21, 1999 · 02:04

After 18 years of marriage we were expecting our first child. Early in our second trimester my water broke. I carried our daughter for an additonal two months with no amniotic fluid. On Feb. 12, 1998 Ronda was born. We were able to spend time with her in NICU. She lived in NICU for 6 hours and 19 minutes when her lung collapsed causing her heart to stop. Attempts to restart her heart failed. We buried her Valentine's Day.

Email Address: RADO1979@aol.com

Cassie Nipp · from Brownsboro, Texas

May 21, 1999 · 22:50

I have been receiving your newsletter since I lost one of my twins after birth on August 27, 1998. They have really encouraged and helped me tremendously. Thank you for the service that you provide for all of us moms.

Email Address: casnipp@aol.com

Kelli · from Houston, Texas

May 22, 1999 · 00:32

On August 5, 1998, my sister gave birth to triplets after spending 4½ weeks lying in a hospital bed. The babies were born at 27½ weeks ranging from 1 lb. to almost 2 lbs. The babies were all struggling for life, but seemed to be improving as the days went by. The smallest of the three seemed to be doing the best in that he had prepared for birth and was the reason my sister was forced into labor. Then on October 1, 1998, after spending days and nights at the hospital with her growing babies the smallest of three was having digestive problems and doctors determined that they needed to perform surgery. After coming out of surgery the nurse looked at my sister and she new that it was his time to go. The nurse told my sister that the baby's intestines were totally dead. At this point, my sister and all her family was there at the hospital holding and caressing baby, Andrew, all the time knowing that these were his final moments. We all said a prayer and my sister asked us to all leave NICU. About 15 minutes later they came out having made the decision to let there baby go. I just remember looking at my sister and her husband and seeing more love than I could ever imagine and such unselfishness to allow their baby to go and be in a better place. As you know little one you will always be their shooting star. Love, Aunt Kelli

Email Address: mattibear@worldnet.att.net

Jessica Lightfoot · from West Palm Beach, FL

May 26, 1999 · 21:35

My husband and I lost a twin, Will, three years ago. He was born at 28 weeks and lived for 6 hours. If anyone has a similar situation please e-mail me or call 561-697-2792.

Email Address: Usmclight@aol.com

Kimberly Ward · from TX

May 27, 1999 · 17:24

i lost twins shortly after birth. susan was 18 hours old, samantha 20 minutes. for anybody that has lost a child god bless. this is the hardest thing for me to deal with. if anybody needs to talk feel free to email me.

Email Address: paulmena@mindspring.com

Sylvia Fernandez · from Miami, Florida

May 28, 1999 · 09:33

On May 14, 1999 I was spotting and was scheduled for a sonogram that morning only to learn that my baby had stopped developing at 9 weeks gestational age. I was at that moment in my 11th week of my pregnancy. The news was devastating and I have been lucky to have a wonderful family and doctor to help me understand what went wrong. Although we will never know exactly what happened, I have been assured that most probably it was due to a chromosomal abnormality. Nonetheless, we have spoken about trying again eventhough this lost pregnancy was a total surprise and not planned. I just turned 40 in April and I have two grown children ages 13 1/2 and 11 years old. But, we had alot of illusions of being parents for a third time and now that dream was shattered. I guess I am looking for support in the idea of conceiving again at my age and wanting to know similar mothers in my situation who have decided to get pregnant again and what was the outcome. The fear of going through this is very real. I know the amnio is available but I would hate to be confronted with the decision of choosing to terminate a pregnancy if some abnormalities arise. I know there are no guarantees but it may help to know that there are happy endings the second time around. Thank you and I look forward to your response.

Email Address: avelinof@bellsouth.net

Jan & Sean Allen · from Dallas, Texas

May 29, 1999 · 22:14

I have found comfort in your website as I did not realize there were so many who have experienced infant death. Our son, Blake Leland Allen was stillborn on April 21, 1999. He was 21 weeks. Pregnancy was going well until April 21, when a few hrs after dr visit, I began spotting. Went into preterm labor due to imcompetent cervix and placenta separating too soon. His heart was strong until the very end. We had tried for over 10 years to have him and miss him terribly. Would love to hear similar stories: Jatrog@aol.com

Email Address: Jatrog@aol.com

Calvin & Mylisa Halcomb · from Wake Forest, NC

Jun 1, 1999 · 21:03

We have lost our third child in a year to miscarriage. It has been so hard even though you know you have been blessed with one healthy child. We are so greatful for people who will listen and understand.

Email Address: CMCFaith@Juno.com

Jeanne Morris · from San Diego, CA

Jun 2, 1999 · 16:48

Our beautiful daughter Amanda was stillborn on July 4, 1998 due to a problem with her umbilical cord. She was our first child. I think of her every day and I can still see her little face and perfect body. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in my grief, although I wish that none of us had to deal with it. It would be a comfort to communicate with any moms (or dads) who have any suggestions on how to deal with the first anniversary. It also is so difficult to deal with waiting to be pregnant again.

Email Address: jeannem@cts.com

Kristine Kjolhede · from Dallas

Jun 3, 1999 · 16:52

My husband and I suffered the loss of our daughter Katherine at 36weeks. I have been given this website as a source. We are interested in coming to your next meeting in July. Thank you for providing such an outlet to grieving parents.

Email Address: neatnik1@airmail.net

Barbie Reynolds · from Ft. Worth, TX

Jun 3, 1999 · 17:22

Thank you for this site! It's the first time I have heard of M.E.N.D. 9 years ago, my husband and I lost our first daughter to anencephaly. We were blessed by having 37 hours with Jesica! We know that God has a plan and purpose in everything and Jesica's life and death was and is part of His awesome plan. We are now in Ft. Worth going to Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. I just wanted to thank you for this support group. I didn't have anything like this in 1990 when I lost Jesica. God will richly bless you as you minister to others.

Email Address: reynolds@swbts.swbts.edu

Jill · from Marthasville, Missouri

Jun 3, 1999 · 20:32

I am so pleased to have found this sight! You are doing exactly what I had hoped to begin in our community! My husband and I lost Clara Anna, fullterm, Stillborn July 4, 1995. We had her at home (planned) with a midwife. Everything went well until the end of labor. Having passed through the "rawness" of my grief I find how much the Lord has taught me, and caused my faith in Him to grow. The pain is never gone, but it is easier to deal with. We were just blessed with the birth of our 2nd son, Samuel. If there's anyone who has had a stillbirth, especially as a homebirth, I'd Love to hear from you! May God richly bless your ministry!

Email Address: cccland@usmo.com

Barbie · from Ft. Worth, TX

Jun 3, 1999 · 22:29

Just a quick addition to my previous entry today. I want to encourage especially those who have lost their first child. I had a hard time on Mother's Day after losing my first daughter, Jesica. It was 3 years before I was blessed with my second daughter (who is now a very healthy 5 year old). Mother's Day seemed to be even harder than Jesi's birthday or other holidays. I knew in my heart that I was a Mommy, but had no outward evidence of that. There is hope. I also now have a healthy LIVELY 3 yr old boy. I believe from the time of conception, you are a Mommy! Don't let anyone take that away from you! God Bless everyone who has lost a child. P.S. A note for the dads, I know your grief is just as real! God is the ultimate Comforter! Rely on Him.

Email Address: reynolds@swbts.swbts.edu

Louise Fern · from Pueblo, CO

Jun 4, 1999 · 22:43

How I wish the internet and sites such as this were around 14 years ago. I lost my firstborn son Justin at 20 weeks on January 9, 1984 for no apparent reason. The people at the hospital were not supportive nor seemed to be trained to deal with infant death. Ironically the woman in labor next to me also lost her child the same night. I later received support through Compassionate Friends. I later had a healthy pregnancy and son Joshua who is now 12. I am so glad there is more education and knowledge of how deep the pain of losing a child you only knew inside you. The pain is just as real. You go on but you never totally forget. I am looking forward to the day when Jesus returns and I get to see Justin again.

Email Address: lilley2@juno.com

Brenda Harris · from Berea, Kentucky

Jun 7, 1999 · 12:52

June 14, 1998 we lost our first and only son. My water broke very early in pregenancy, before 16 weeks. I have had a difficult time with this. I have not been able to find very much infromation about premature rupture of the membranes. If anyone has been through this, please email me. I would like to hear your experience.

Email Address: brenda_harris@berea.edu

Ellen Gallonio · from Rhode Island

Jun 7, 1999 · 22:02

I loss my son Andrew last may due to a heart defect. It's so nice to know I have these websites to fall back on. I remember shortly after andrew died I found many sites and much comfort from them. one year has passed and I knew I could return.

Email Address: jeffreygallonio@sprintmail.com

Laurie Ottinger · from Allen, TX

Jun 8, 1999 · 20:31

Happy birthday Cailey! Dear Cailey, Happy 3rd birthday. June 7, 1996 at 8:19 am you were born not only into this world but also into the kingdom of heaven. I can't believe it has been 3 years since I last held you. In some ways it seems ike a lifetime ago and then sometimes it feels like literally yesterday. I am sorry that we couldn't celebrate like we should (with you here...) And I am sorry that I could not visit you yesterday. I am trying to keep your baby sister safe in my tummy, so I must stay in bed for a while. Your other baby sister Hannah is growing so much and I always wonder what the 2 of you would be doing together. We love you Cailey baby! Time stands still until we meet again. Love, Mommy, Daddy & Hannah

Email Address: w001985@airmail.net

Kathy Miltenberger · from Bridgeport, WV

Jun 9, 1999 · 20:50

We lost our second daughter to anecephaly on June 16, 1995..I had no idea there was anything wrong with her until I had the planned c-section..I can still hear the doctors words..Her birthday is soon and I cant believe it has been 4 years...I miss her everyday..I am now blessed with beautiful twin girls that turned 2 in May..I thank God everyday for having the chance to be a mommy to my wonderful girls...I am very glad I found this website..Thank you very much..

Email Address: klm4269@aol.com

Libby · from Texas

Jun 10, 1999 · 17:03

I've been looking for a support group that truly sees itself as a ministry since we lost our stillborn son Joseph two weeks ago. I miss him terribly, but I've been able so far to keep my faith in God and trust in Him to get us through this time. MEND looks like it may be the answer to my searching. Thank you for reaching out to others.

Email Address: libbys@camalott.com

Audrey · from Spring Hill, Florida

Jun 10, 1999 · 20:57

I lost my daughter, Courtney Ann Jones, on October 28, 1999. She lived for a short 14 hours. I delivered at 23 weeks. It's been a total of almost 7 months and I don't know that I have yet to grieve. I am only 21 years old and this is extremely difficult for me to understand. I blame myself for her premature delivery, although I know I shouldn't. Losing a child is something that no one fully understands until they go through it first hand. I do not wish this kind of pain on anyone. It is something that attacks my soul. I have good days and then I have completely horrible days. Something, or nothing, can trigger the tears and the pain I feel deep in my heart. I don't know how to deal with this. I would love for other mothers to talk to about this. Please feel free to contact me. I will respond to everyone I hear from. I need a friend. I need another mother's understanding of this horrible pain. May God bless all the mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, that have lost a child.

Email Address: ahowe@hotmail.com

Debbie · from New Jersey

Jun 11, 1999 · 17:14

We lost our angel Ryan Brennan on May 18th 1999 at 36 1/2 weeks due to a cord torsion. It is so helpful to find these websites and know that there are others who have gone through similar experiences. Every day is difficult but we just take one day at a time and find comfort in knowing our angel is in peace.

Email Address: knappdeb@aol.com

SB · from Texas

Jun 12, 1999 · 23:57

Happy Birthday Zach, my special "tiny one". I love you and miss you so very much. I will never ever forget you. I look forward to the day that we can be together again forever.

Email Address: .

Amy Kaufman · from Dodge City, KS

Jun 15, 1999 · 12:11

We lost our beautiful son, Hayden, at 37 weeks. I hadn't felt any movement for a few hours and I decided at 3 a.m.on the 17th of April, that something was wrong. We drove to the hospital and found out the baby had died. I was so heartbroken all I could do was cry. I tried so hard to be strong, but I just couldn't control myself. We waited four long years for our child, and he was taken without any warning. I had to wait two long days before they induced labor. Hayden had the umbilical cord wrapped twice around his neck and hand. He was delivered on April, 20th. I am trying so hard to be a good christian so that I may be with him someday. It's just so hard. I am so angry. I prayed for my son's life every day and God still took him from me. I know he is in a better place but I just don't understand why? I need someone who has been in the same situation to talk to. I'm sick of trying to explain my feelings to people who have no idea how painful this is.

Email Address: yellowfish3@hotmail.com

Christy · from Jacksonville, Florida

Jun 15, 1999 · 15:30

About a week and a half ago I saw my baby swimming around on the ultrasound. The nurse said the baby looked wonderful and all was healty. Then a few says ago was my doctor apointment. The doctor said there was no heartbeat and that I had miscarried at 14 weeks. I had just gotten used to the idea that I was to be a mother when it was taken away from me. The doctor could offer me no explination except it was just on of those things. My husband and I are devistated by this loss. We are hurt, and confused. I keep asking why even though there will never be an answer. I can only pray that God has other plans in mind for us. I feel my baby came from heaven and returned to heaven until the timming is right. But it still hurts. If anyone needs to talk, feel free to write me. Thank you, I really felt that I was the only one this had ever happened to.

Email Address: dizfan@bellsouth.net

Misty Schnieders · from N.Richland Hills, Texas

Jun 16, 1999 · 19:08

I recently lost my baby when I was 8 months pregnant. He was stillborn, because he had Trisomy 18. We are trying to get pregnant again, and your site helped answer some questions I've been having. Thanks!!

Email Address: boyds21@aol.com

Carla Cullum · from Denton,TX

Jun 19, 1999 · 23:10

I am so glad for support from sites like this!! I lost my baby Whit on May 27,1994 at 26 hrs old of HLHS..He was beautiful and when looking at him you would have not known anything was wrong. Back when my husband and I lost him we had no support group like this so Im still in a way going threw the greif process..It does get easier but this May was his 5 year Annv. It was very hard..It's great to find a group of parients with a common bound soemone I can talk to so if anyone would like to e mail with you experience with a HLHS baby I would love to hear from you...0:-)

Email Address: mcullum1@gte.net

Kimberly McJunkin · from Kansas

Jun 22, 1999 · 13:57

My dad told me about this site and I'm planning on reading as many as possible to see what others have gone through. I find it helps to know I am not alone in having multiple miscarriages.

Email Address: texcalkas@yahoo.com

Kim · from Monett, MO

Jun 22, 1999 · 21:29

We just lost our baby at 16 weeks due to placental separation from the uterine wall. We opted to have labor induced so we could see and hold the baby and I don't regret this at all. He was only 5 inches long, but perfect in every way. My husband and I desperately want to get pregnant again but our dr. says we should wait 3 months. Has anyone out there conceived soon after a miscarriage, and if so, how did the subsequent pregnancy turn out?

Email Address: kvos@yahoo.com

Kelley Nisonger · from Michigan

Jun 23, 1999 · 15:31

i lost my baby yesterday morning. they called it fetal demise. it broke my heart.

Email Address: sillyhead7@yahoo.com

Summer Cheney · from Carlsbad, NM

Jun 24, 1999 · 23:22

I was just reading through the guest book and thought I'd write to tell everyone that I havenot my self lost a child, but my dear friend Lori did on June 19,1999. I was at the haspital shortly after Shadd Thomas was born. He died still. My heart goes out to her. It was her first. I have been with her through the pregnancy, being a friend sharing advice. I had a beautiful little girl Aug.5 1998. I cannot imagine Lori's pain. I am going to tell her about this web site. I think it will be good for her. Please keep her in your prayers.

Email Address: jcheney@cavemen.net

Janice Pakula · from Jupiter, Florida

Jun 26, 1999 · 10:34

I'm so glad that I found this site. Its been almost a year since my son, Nicholas, was stillborn. I have a lot of support from my family and friends, but sometimes I feel like the pain is never going to go away. Thank you for showing me that there are people who really understand.

Email Address: mamroth@bellsouth.net

Teresa Bracken · from Indianapolis, IN

Jun 26, 1999 · 23:03

I had a full term stillborn on 10-7-97. Her name is Sophia Marie Bracken. I had a neonatal death on 08-29-98. Madeline was born on 8-27-98. Her full name is Madeline Hope Bracken.

Email Address: TBCBSBMB@aol.com

Angela · from Ohio

Jun 27, 1999 · 20:21

Just wanted to see what your page was like

Email Address: gilchrista@hotmail.com

Dianne Cornelli · from Texas

Jun 27, 1999 · 23:17

My husband & I lost our 2nd child in February 1999. It has been a rough ordeal to say the least. After months of fertility treatments we were so happy to have conceived only to find out at 16weeks our baby had died around the end of the 15th week. We are trying again but every month is another disappointment. As the due date of our little angel approaches I am finding myself having sleepless nights again and grieving as if I lost her yesterday. I know God has a purpose for everything and through Him is my strength.I just ask for the prayers of those who understand and please know you are in my prayers also.

Email Address: DinoC38

Robert & Kellie Smith · from Chattanooga, Tennessee

Jun 28, 1999 · 22:31

When I was 3 and a half months into my pregnancy, we found out our daughter, Makayla Alexandra Smith, no longer had a heartbeat. Just 3 weeks before we had heard her little heartbeat and thought we had nothing to worry about. We chose to have testing done to see exactly what was wrong and if our baby was a boy or girl. We found out we had a daughter and she had turner's syndrome. We never got to hold our precious daughter or see who she looked like. We find peace in knowing that one day we will be able to see her and hold her for an eternity.

Email Address: raksmith@bellsouth.net

Rochelle Ashby-Brasseur · from Hillsboro, OR

Jun 30, 1999 · 12:44

none

Email Address: princessrochelle@compuserve.com

Sarah Westwood · from Birmingha