M.E.N.D. Newsletter
Most Helpful/Least Helpful Things to Do or Say After the Death of a Child
Volume 4, Issue 4. July/August 1999From Rebekah
No one is completely comfortable dealing with death. When a friend loses a loved one or a family member loses a child, most often we are at a loss for words and feel our attempts at comforting are fruitless. After I lost Jonathan I decided I was an expert in dealing with the bereaved since I had experienced it firsthand. I was convinced that I would know just what to say and do for the next grieving family that crossed my path. How wrong I was! Oh, maybe I was somewhat better at expressing my condolences, but I soon realized that everyone’s needs during grief are unique and what was perhaps helfpul to me may not be the golden rule of mourning.
When Jonathan died, death was very new to me. Three of my grandparents passed away when I was young and certainly I had experienced the death of numerous family acquaintances, but never anyone extremely close to me. So I wasn’t really sure how I was supposed to compose myself in front of others. Did everyone expect me to be strong and emotionally invincible to my baby’s death or did they anticipate me falling on the floor and beginning to wail at any given moment? I wasn’t sure. And I definitely didn’t know how to respond to their words of sympathy. Should I say, “Thank you” or “I’m sorry, too” or not respond at all? I really didn’t know.
It was very awkward at times because I knew some people had no idea how to express their sorrow. Some would just furrow their brow, cock their head to the side and stare at me. Others would attempt feeble clichés such as, “It wasn’t meant to be” or “At least you have Little Byron.” The one I disliked the most was, “God needed a beautiful rose for His garden.” I thought that was so ridiculous because if God needed a rose, He could just speak it into existence and didn’t need my child to do so. Not to mention how offensive it was to me to imply that my baby is now a flower!
However, many of my friends did know what to do and were extremely helpful and vital for my healing during my darkest days of grief. A simple, “I’m sorry” was very meaningful as was a strong hug or a gentle touch. Church members brought us food that could have fed an army and I received numerous phone calls and cards. On occasion, I still glance through all the sympathy cards I received, many of them from people I didn’t know.
Some of my friends not only showed me their love with phone calls, cards and food, they also showed it by their actions and kind deeds. My friends, Tom and Kristi, planted a magnolia tree in our front yard in Jonathan’s memory and my friend, Valerie, asked me to take her to the cemetery to see Jonathan’s grave since she missed his funeral. Some would remember to acknowledge my grief on holidays such as Christmas and Mother’s Day even though months had passed since my loss. These acts of kindness and sensitivity will always mean more to me than these friends will ever know.
I wholeheartedly believe God sends people our way to help us in time of need. I Corinthians 12:26 tells us, “if one member of our body suffers, all the members suffer with it,” and I Thessalonians 5:11 says to “comfort and edify each other.” The Lord expects us to help each other during sufferings as well as to accept the helping hand of those coming to our aide. I encourage all of the bereaved to pass out this newsletter to family and friends in order to help them reach out to you in a way that is beneficial and not hurtful. And I want to suggest to all the family members and friends reading this issue to take to heart what is printed on these pages and learn how to effectively extend a caring hand.
Rebekah Mitchell
How Can I Help...When a Child Dies?
They Tell Me
Birthday Tributes to Our Special Angels
God Promises
When a Co-worker is Grieving the Death of a Child
Suggestions for Helping Yourself Through Grief
The Dam Burst Today
Today's Sorrow
Tears
Thank You
In Loving Memory
Online Resources
Contact Information
Reprint Policy and Legal Disclaimer
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The article How Can I Help...When A Child Dies? is something you may want to show to family and friends to help them better understand what you may be going through and what they can do to help. Also, we hope that you will remember these suggestions if you are faced with the death of a friend’s or family member’s loved one. Many of these suggestions would be helpful for the surviving friends and family no matter what the age of the person who died.
How Can I Help...When a Child Dies?
A child has died. Regardless of the child’s age or the circumstances of death, you feel empty and helpless. What can you say that will ease the pain and help mend the hurts?
What Can You Do To Help?
There are no easy answers, no standard approaches that are universally helpful. There are no magic formulas which will make the pain go away. It is natural to feel helpless when the child of a friend or relative dies. Remember that showing your loving concern can be very comforting to a grieving family. Please don’t avoid them because you feel inadequate. Families are more likely to reach a healthy, positive resolution of their grief if they receive continuing support and understanding. The following suggestions may help you provide that support:
Don’t try to find magic words that will take away the pain. There aren’t any. A hug, a touch and a simple, “I’m so sorry,” offer real comfort and support.
Don’t be afraid to cry. Your tears are a tribute to both child and parents. Yes, the parents may cry with you, but their tears can be a healthy release.
Avoid saying, “I know how you feel.” It is very difficult to comprehend the depth of the loss when a child dies and to say you do may seem presumptuous to the parents.
Avoid using, “It was God’s will,” and other cliches that attempt to minimize or explain the death. Don’t try to find something positive in the child’s death, such as, “At least you have other children.” There are no words that make it all right that their child died.
Listen! Let them express the anger, the questions, the pain, the disbelief and the guilt they may be experiencing. Understand that parents often have a need to talk about their child and the circumstances of the death over and over again. It may be helpful to encourage them to talk by asking a gentle question such as, “Can you tell me about it?”
Avoid judgements of any kind. “You should...” or “You shouldn’t...” is not appropriate or helpful. Decisions and behaviors related to displaying or removing photographs, reliving the death, idealizing the child, or expressing anger, depression or guilt may appear extreme in many cases. These behavior patterns are normal, particularly in the first years following the child’s death.
Be aware that, for parents with religious convictions, their child’s death may raise serious questions about God’s role in this event. Do not presume to offer answers. If the parents raise the issue, it would be better to listen and allow them to explore their own feelings. They will need to arrive at an individual philosophy about this.
Be there. Run errands, help with household chores, provide child care and help in whatever way is needed. Don’t say, “Call me if there is anything I can do.” That call will probably never come. Be aware of what needs to be done and offer to do specific tasks.
Give special attention to surviving children. They are hurt, confused and often ignored. Don’t assume they are not hurting because they do not express their feelings. Many times siblings will suppress their grief to avoid adding to their parents’ pain. Talk to them and acknowledge their loss.
Mention the name of their child who has died. Don’t fear that talking about the child will cause the parents additional pain. The opposite is usually true. Using the child’s name lets parents know that they are not alone in remembering their child.
Be patient. Understand that grieving families respond differently to their pain. Some verbalize, others may seem unable or unwilling to talk, some withdraw and others strike out angrily.
Share a fond memory of the child. “I remember when she...” or “He had a wonderful gift for...” can be reassuring to parents that you appreciated their child and are aware of their sense of loss. Relate amusing anecdotes about the child. Don’t be afraid of laughter. It helps to heal the hurt.
(Editor’s note: This suggestion is obviously for those who have lost an older child. We were granted permission to reprint this article in its entirety and therefore we are including it here even though it doesn’t really apply to those of us who have lost a baby due to miscarriage or stillbirth. As well, maybe you can remember this suggestion if you are ever faced with the death of a friend’s child.)
Remember the family on important days such as the child’s birthday and death anniversary. Send a card, call, or visit. Let them know you remember, too.
Gently encourage a return to outside activities. Suggest a lunch or movie as relief from the isolation of grief. If your invitation is declined, don’t give up! Ask again and again, if necessary. The third or fourth time you call may be just the day that an outing would be most welcome if someone takes the initiative.
There is no standard timetable for recovery. Grief usually lasts far longer than anyone expects. Encourage bereaved families to be patient with themselves. They often hear, “Get on with your life; it’s time you got over this!” Those demands are unfair and unrealistic. When parents express concern about being tired, depressed, angry, tearful, unable to concentrate or unwilling to get back into life’s routines, reassure them that grief work takes time and that they may be expecting too much of themselves too soon.
Be sensitive to the changes a bereaved family experiences. Family members will adopt new behaviors and roles as they learn to live without the child. This is a painful and lengthy process. Don’t expect your friends to be unchanged by this experience.
Refer a grieving family to The Compassionate Friends. There may be a chapter near them, ready to offer support, friendship and understanding.
Continue your contact with the family. Grief does not end at the funeral or on the first anniversary. Stay in touch--often--and don’t forget to mention the name of the child who died in conversation as easily as you would the name of any other member of the family.
On behalf of all the families involved in The Compassionate Friends, we thank you for caring enough to want to help. Your loving concern makes YOU a “Compassionate Friend.”
The Compassionate Friends
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-2696
(630) 990-0010
TCF_National@prodigy.comReprinted with permission.
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They Tell Me
Author UnknownThey tell me “time will heal this wound;”
I don’t believe it’s true.
For every day that passes by
This pain still feels brand new.They tell me “I should be happy and relieved
you are free from all your agony,”
but that doesn’t comfort the pain in my heart.
You are gone, you no longer live here with me.They tell me “only time will tell
just when this torture will cease.”
I don’t think there will be a day in my life,
when I will find complete peace.They tell me, “don’t worry it gets better with time”
They’ve lost a mother, a pet, or a wife.
But the loss of a child is the worst to me.
It has upset the balance of my life.They tell me “I should go on with my dreams.”
I guess that is easy for them to say.
For they don’t have to live with this grief.
They have their children to hold and kiss every day.I’ll tell them, “I miss you!”
Always and forever your Mommy, sweet Angel.Reprinted with permission from:
Cyndy Estep, Precious Children Remembered, Voices of Longing, Voices of Hope, Vol. II.
To order a copy of this poetry collection, contact:Precious Children Remembered
P.O. Box 534
Huron, OH 44839
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Birthday Tributes to Our Special Angels
Dear Michael,We miss you very much. However, MANY times we have been aware of your presence in our lives and are very grateful for the gift God gave us when you touched our lives. We wish with all our hearts that we could have known you longer but we know that God's plan is always better.
Keep "a light in the window" for us.
Love, Gram and Grandad
(Jo & Denny Askew)In Loving Memory of
Michael Joseph Böer
Stillborn July 17, 1996
Happy 3rd Birthday, Michael!
We love and miss you!
Mom, Dad,
Paul & MaggieThe Böers:
Lynne, Paul, Sr.,
Paul, Jr. & MaggieIn Loving Memory of
Michael Joseph Böer
Stillborn July 17, 1996
In Loving Memory of
James Michael Szaroleta
August 11, 1998To our baby boy,
The one we can’t hold
The one we won’t see
Is what we are told.I felt your little spirit
living in me
Though such a short time
It was precious you seeMy life seemed so perfect
My dream would come true
My own little bundle
Whether pink or blueEveryone loved you
Just waiting to see
Would you look like your daddy
Or exactly like meThese are the things
We will never know
Because God in Heaven
Said you needed to goHe must have his reasons
We can’t yet understand
Did He come down to get you
Did He hold out his handSomeday you can tell me
About His sweet embrace
As He took you from us
To that wonderful placeTill that day comes
Don’t be afraid
Heaven is safe
For us it was madeWe won’t say good~bye
Because you see
You’ll always be
A part of meWe love you my baby
My sweet little one
We’ll see you again
When our time here is doneHappy 1st Birthday James!!
We love you and miss you so much!
Love,Mommy, Daddy,
Bryan and Tommy
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God Promises
AnonymousGod promises to always be there,
to hold and comfort me
when life at its best is unfair.
God promises to share my sorrow,
to wipe away my tears,
then assure me of tomorrow.
God promises to lend a helping hand,
to help me through this lifetime
when I can no longer stand.
God promises me many things,
but I can’t see Him
nor His angels with their gold-tipped wings.
So He created friends like you,
to help carry out His promises
and help me in all that I do.Reprinted with permission from:
Cyndy Estep, Precious Children Remembered, Voices of Longing, Voices of Hope, Vol. IV.
To order a copy of this poetry collection, contact:Precious Children Remembered
P.O. Box 534
Huron, OH 44839
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This article may help your co-workers understand what you are experiencing and the best ways to assist you during this difficult time after the loss of your baby. Maybe a friend at work could post it to a company or departmental bulletin board so that your co-workers may read it.
When a Co-Worker is Grieving the Death of a Child
A child has died. There are no words to make that all right. But there are some things you can do to be supportive. You are taking the first step in caring by reading this.
It is important to know that grief is a normal, healthy response to loss. It is a physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological reaction. Anger, fear, frustration, sadness, loneliness, guilt and despair are all part of the grief process.
Understand that grief is not a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith. Actively grieving people experience pain, confusion, lack of concentration and isolation. Those surrounding them often express frustration and a sense of helplessness which may, in time, turn to annoyance if the grieving “takes too long.” Yet, the disorientation of grief lasts far longer than our society recognizes.
How Can I Help At The Time Of Death?
- Contact other co-workers to let them know the situation.
- Attend the funeral or call on your co-worker to extend personal condolences.
- Offer to help by doing something specific such as driving, making telephone calls, running errands.
- Do not be afraid of tears. "Why do they always turn away when tears come?” -- Manager
- Be sensitive to the fact that people grieve differently. Some may find great comfort in their work, while others may view it as an extra burden.
- Offer to share the person’s workload, if you can. Sometimes the smallest gesture lightens the load.
What Can I Say?
- There are no magic words to take away the pain? “I’m so sorry” will express your feelings honestly, while a hug or a touch will give comfort. “A co-worker touched my aching heart when she shared her memories of my child at company picnics.”
- Mention the name of the child who has died and listen as your co-worker talks.
- Avoid saying, “I know how you feel.” It is very difficult to comprehend the depth of the loss when a child dies.
- “It was God’s will,” and other cliches minimize the death and may not be helpful.
- Don’t try to state something positive about the child’s death, such as, “At least you have other children,” “At least he didn’t suffer,” or “You can always have another baby.”
What Can I Do At Work?
- Listen. Let your co-worker express the anger, pain, disbelief or guilt that may be there. Bereaved parents often have a need to talk about their child and the circumstances of the death over and over again.
- Avoid judgements of any kind.
- Be there. Do not wait for your co-worker to ask for help. There are many tasks that need to be done when a child dies. Offer to accompany your co-worker during some of these tasks, perhaps on your lunch hour or before or after work. "Someone met me at work to buy my son’s car. How I wished one of the guys had been with me as the car pulled away.” --Construction Worker
- Remember your co-worker on important days such as holidays or the child’s birthday or death anniversary. Send a card, call or visit. Let the person know you remember, too.
- Be patient. Grief can last many months. It can also re-surface unexpectedly!
- Be responsive to the changes a bereaved parent experiences. While learning to live without the child, the co-worker will adopt new behaviors and roles. Don’t expect him to be unchanged by this experience.
- Refer a grieving parent to The Compassionate Friends, Inc. There are bereaved parents in each chapter ready to offer support, friendship and understanding.
- Break the isolation that often surrounds the bereaved by encouraging others to maintain contact with the grieving parent.
- Continue your contact. Stay in touch by inviting your co-worker to lunch or coffee.
On behalf of all the families involved in The Compassionate Friends, we thank you for caring enough to want to help. Your loving concern makes YOU a “Compassionate Friend.”
The Compassionate Friends
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-2696
(630) 990-0010
TCF_National@prodigy.comReprinted with permission.
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Suggestions for Helping Yourself Through Grief
This title is not meant to indicate that others in our lives do not help us through grief. We do need the help of relatives and friends, and may need the help of professional counseling. At the same time, it is important for us to make the effort to help ourselves. Remember that grief takes a lot of energy. Treat yourself with the same care and affection that you would offer to a good friend in the same situation. Most of us are aware of love your neighbor - we forget the part as you love yourself. Grief has its unique sides. Not all of the suggestions below will be helpful to everyone. Choose the ideas that appeal to you. Read them over at different times during your grief: our feelings change.
Be Patient With Yourself:
- Go gently. Don’t rush too much. Your body, your mind and your heart need energy to mend.
- Don’t take on new responsibility right away. Don’t overextend yourself. Keep decision making to a minimum.
- Don’t compare yourself to other bereaved. It may seem that you aren’t adjusting as well as they are; in reality, you don’t know what is behind their public facade.
- Throw away notions of a fixed period of mourning: “One year and then you’re over it.” This is fiction! Grief takes time, whatever time it takes.
Ask For and Accept Help:
- When you need it, don’t be afraid to ask for help from those close to you. So much hurt and pain go unheeded during grief because we don’t want to bother anyone else with out problems. Wouldn’t you want someone close to you to ask for help if they needed it? Our family and friends can’t read our minds; we have to let our needs be known. But be aware that some relatives and friends may not be able to handle your grief. It is very important to find someone who cares and understands your grief and with whom you may talk freely. Seek out an understanding friend, another bereaved person, or a support group member.
- Accept help and support when offered. It’s okay to need comforting. Often people wait to be told when you’re ready to talk or if you need something. Tell them!
- Pray to the person who has died.
- If you are troubled and need help, contact your local twenty-four hour hotline.
- Join a self-help group. They offer support, understanding, friendship and HOPE.
- Give yourself some time to sort out your thoughts, but don’t build a wall around yourself in fear of being hurt again. It is important to love and enjoy the people in your life instead of distancing yourself from them. If grief is intense and prolonged it may harm your physical and mental well being. Consider seeking out a competent counselor. (Check to see if your health insurance covers the charges.) It is important to take care of yourself.
Accept Your Feelings:
- Feel what you feel! You don’t choose your emotions - they choose you.
- It’s okay to cry. Crying makes you feel better.
- It’s okay to be angry. You may be angry with yourself, with God, with the person who died or with others. Or just angry in general. Don’t push it down. Let the anger out -- hit a pillow or a punching bag. Scream, chop wood, exercise, etc.
- Thinking you are going crazy is a very normal reaction. Most grieving people experience this. You are not losing your mind, only reacting to the death.
- Depression is common to those in grief. Be careful not to totally withdraw from others. If your depression becomes severe or you are considering suicide, get professional help immediately!
- The emotions of a survivor are often raw. It is important to get these feelings out. If you don’t they will come out some other time, some other way. You won’t suffer nearly as much from “getting too upset” as you will from being brave and keeping your honest emotions all bottled up inside. Share your “falling-to-pieces” feelings with supportive loved ones.
- You may have psychosomatic complaints, physical problems brought on by an emotional reaction. The physical problems are real: take steps to remedy them.
Lean Into The Pain:
- Lean into the pain. It cannot be outrun. You can’t go around it, over it, or under it. You must go through it and feel the full force of the pain to survive. Be careful not to get stuck at some phase. Keep workingon your grief. Save time to grieve and time to face the grief. Don’t throw yourself into your work or other activities that leave you no time for grieving.
- In a time of severe grief, be extremely careful in the use of either alcohol or prescription drugs. Tranquilizers don’t end the pain; they only mask it. This may lead to further withdrawal, loneliness and even addiction. Grief work is done best when you are awake, not drugged into sleepiness.
- If grief is unresolved after a time, seek the help of a good counselor or clergy.
- Be determined to work through your grief.
Be Good To Yourself:
- Keep a journal. It is a good way to understand what you are feeling and thinking. Hopefully, when you reread it you will see that you are getting better.
- Try to get adequate rest. Go to bed earlier. Avoiding caffeine in coffee, tea and colas may help you to sleep better.
- Good nutrition is important. Eat regular, well-rounded meals. Now is not the time to diet.
- If certain days are especially difficult, schedule activities that you find particularly comforting into these time periods.
- Read books on grief. It will help you to understand what you are going through and you may find suggestions for coping.
- Moderate exercise helps work off frustration and may aid sleep. Try walking, tennis, swimming, etc.
- Begin to build pleasant times with family and friends. Don’t feel guilty if you have a good time. Your loved one would want you to be happy. They would want you to live this life to the fullest and to the best of your ability.
- Do things a little differently, yet try not to make a lot of changes. This sounds like a contradiction, but it is not.
- Plan things to which you can look forward to -- a trip, a visit, lunch with a special friend. Start today to build memories for tomorrow.
- Find quotes or posters that are helpful to you and hang them where you can see them.
- Become involved in the needs of others. Helping others will build your self-confidence and enhance your self-worth. Volunteer, join a support group. It does much to ease your pain.
- Be good to yourself: take a relaxing bath, bask in the sun, take time for a movie or dinner out. Read a good book.
- Put balance in your life; pray, rest, work, read, relax.
- When you feel ready, aim at regaining a healthy, balanced life by broadening your interests. Take time for activities that can bring some purpose into your life. Do something you have always wanted to do: take a class, learn tennis, volunteer for a worthwhile group, join church activities, become involved in community projects or a hobby club. Learn and do something new as well as rediscover old interests, activities and friends.
Grief Takes Time:
- Do not have unrealistic expectations of yourself. Grief comes and goes and takes time to work through. There is no timetable for grief work. It is as individual as we are, but it will normally take years to work through your grief.
- Take your life one moment, one hour, one day at a time.
- Hold on to HOPE! Some days you just seem to exist but better days will be back. You will gradually develop a renewed sense of purpose.
- Remember, you will get better.
Reprinted with permission:
Copyright © 1999. HOPE FOR BEREAVED. All rights reserved.
HOPE FOR BEREAVED, INC.
4500 Onondaga Blvd.
Syracuse, NY 13219
(315) 475-9675.This article is taken from HOPE FOR BEREAVED, UNDERSTANDING, COPING AND GROWING THROUGH GRIEF available at the above location. $13.50 + $2.50 postage and handling.
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The Dam Burst Today
Author UnknownSometimes you have to let the dam burst.
The daily “seeping” from the wall isn’t sufficient.
The pressure has built too much.
The “walls” are too fragile at times
to withstand such extreme pressures
from the waves of grief bombarding them.Today my dam burst
while driving home from a meeting.
The flood of tears, at first, foreboding,
eventually a relief.Relief from the stress and pressure
that had snuck up on me.
Sometimes I know it is building;
sometimes, I lie to myself
that I am fine today -- coping.
That’s when the dam bursts.Magically, the “walls,” slowly
restructure and glue together.
Always leaving cracks for tears to seep through
to handle the little waves of grief
sloshing against them.Reprinted with permission from:
Cyndy Estep, Precious Children Remembered, Voices of Longing, Voices of Hope, Vol. II.
To order a copy of this poetry collection, contact:Precious Children Remembered
P.O. Box 534
Huron, OH 44839
Return to the Table of Contents
Lord, there are times when we cry out why
and within our hearts we think we’ll die.
The depth of sorrow is more than we can bear,
we wish we could just expire and be with you there.
We heard the joyful news of impending birth,
and looked on life with a new sense of worth.
Life was perfect and filled with such expectancy,
there was a new life being formed inside of me.
Then the news comes to tear us apart,
the news that we feel will break our heart.
The new life forming has ceased to be,
God we cry what have You allowed to happen to me.
But the pain we feel is for our great sorrow,
we are seeing only today not thinking of tomorrow.
We forget that this life is but the twinkling of an eye,
that soon we’ll be living in the great by and by.
We don’t remember during our great sorrow,
that we’ll be holding those babies in Heaven’s tomorrow.
Angels will meet us and place them in their Mama’s arms,
never having had to face this earth’s harms.
Perfect more perfect than ever seen before,
placed in Mama’s arms to stay forevermore.
Thank you, God, for allowing me to know there is a tomorrow,
it gives me the strength to face today’s sorrow.Barbara Philbrook
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Tears
Author UnknownThere is a sacredness in tears,
They are not a mark of weakness,
But of power.
They speak more eloquently,
Than ten thousand tongues.
They are messengers of
overwhelming grief,
Of deep contrition, and
Of unspeakable love.Cyndy Estep, Precious Children Remembered, Voices of Longing, Voices of Hope, Vol. I.
To order a copy of this poetry collection, contact:Precious Children Remembered
P.O. Box 534
Huron, OH 44839
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M.E.N.D. would like to express its deep appreciation to Marie & David Crowe for obtaining two sizable donations that are helping us to continue to provide support and assistance to families suffering the loss of a child free of charge. Thanks also goes out to the organizations who made the donations:
- The law firm of DeHay and Elliston of Dallas, Texas
- The Presbyterian Women of Highland Park Presbyterian Church, Dallas, Texas.
Many thanks to all involved in these donations. All donations to M.E.N.D., whether large or small, greatly assist us in helping others and are much appreciated. May God richly bless all of you.
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M.E.N.D. gratefully acknowledges these gifts of love given in memory of a baby, relative, friend or given by someone just wanting to help. These donations help us to continue M.E.N.D.'s mission by providing this newsletter and other services to bereaved parents free of charge. Your tax-deductible contributions are greatly appreciated and should be sent to the M.E.N.D. address listed at the bottom of the newsletter. Thank you so much!
In Loving Memory of
Jonathan Daniel Mitchell
Stillborn June 24, 1995
Cord Accident
Parents, Rebekah & Byron Mitchell, Sr. and big brother, Byron, Jr.
Given by his grandparents,
Sue & Dennis BrewerJonathan Daniel Mitchell
Stillborn June 24, 1995
Cord Accident
Given by parents,
Rebekah & Byron Mitchell, Sr.
and big brother, Byron, Jr.Michael Joseph Böer
Stillborn July 17, 1996
Trisomy 18
Given by parents, Lynne & Paul Böer
and siblings, Paul, Jr., and MaggieKali Alyssa Brown
Stillborn April 12, 1996
Given by parents,
Nancy & Les Brown and
little brothers, Cody & TylerNatalie Faith Reiman
April 14, 1999
Anencephaly
Parents, Patty & Paul Reiman
Given by Deanna & John GrebetaAaron H. Cole
April 16, 1999
Neonatal Death
Parents, Lillian & Andy Cole
Given by Cynthia & Michael Dodson
and their sons, Andrew, Eric,
Matthew, & ChristopherNatalie Faith Reiman
April 14, 1999
Anencephaly
Parents, Patty & Paul Reiman
Given by Eileen & Bill ReimanMadison Paige Zahaczky
Stillborn April 7, 1998
Cord Accident
Given by parents, Chris & Dan Zahoczky
and big sister, CourtneyJackson David Crowe
August 22 - September 8, 1998
Heart Failure
Parents, Marie & David Crowe
and big sister, Hannah
Given by the Law Firm of DeHay & EllistonJackson David Crowe
August 22 - September 8, 1998
Heart Failure
Parents, Marie & David Crowe
and big sister, Hannah
Given by Presbyterian Women
Highland Park Presbyterian Church
Natalie Faith Reiman
April 14, 1999
Anencephaly
Parents, Patty & Paul Reiman
Given by Lea & Tom BosseOlivia Grace Wayne
Stillborn May 11, 1995
Cause Unknown
Given by parents, Jeanette & Richard Wayne
and little sister EmmalineBaby Girl Nielsen
Stillborn April 14, 1999
Cause Unknown
Given by parents, Kimberly & Kyle Nielsen
and sister, Katy LouCole Matthew Didier
August 25, 1998
Bilateral Renal Agenesis
Given by parents, Nicole & Matt DidierCarson “Lil Whit” Cullum
May 26 - May 27, 1994
Hypoplastic Left Heart
Given by parents,
Carla & Michael Cullum
and siblings,
Andrea, Keleigh, Coleton, & CarsonNatalie Faith Reiman
April 14, 1999
Anencephaly
Parents, Patty & Paul Reiman
Given by Holly & Brad Sauder
and daughter, RachelNatalie Faith Reiman
April 14, 1999
Anencephaly
Parents, Patty & Paul Reiman
Given by Susan & Thomas Cousino
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Resources published in the printed version of this newsletter can be accessed on the Internet directly from M.E.N.D.'s resource pages. To access the resource pages, navigate to the following URL:
URL: http://www.mend.org/resources_internet.asp
In the M.E.N.D. resource listing, you will find resources which include internet web sites, national organizations, and family bereavement pages.
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Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death (M.E.N.D.)
P.O. Box 1007
Coppell, TX 75019
(972) 459-2396 Phone/Fax
1-888-695-MENDEmail:
Rebekah@mend.org and Lynne@mend.org
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Articles appearing printed in the M.E.N.D. newsletter or posted to the M.E.N.D. website are copyrighted by M.E.N.D. and/or by the individual authors of certain articles. These articles may not be reprinted without permission from the editor, Lynne Böer, or president of M.E.N.D., Rebekah Mitchell. Information from our website may be printed for the purpose of providing it to pregnancy loss support group members or other bereaved families so that they may also have access to the information. The material may not be reproduced in any way, shape or form for profit. Some authors of articles included on the website may carry their own copyright and their articles may only be reprinted with permission from the author.
M.E.N.D. Disclaimer
The purpose of the M.E.N.D. website and newsletter(s) is to provide information and comfort to bereaved families. It is NOT a substitute for professional advice. M.E.N.D. does not provide professional services pertaining to any of the topics on our site. M.E.N.D. does not confirm the credentials of any person or persons representing themselves as professionals in articles included on the site. Many articles and/or poems on the website are strictly derived from the personal experiences of individuals and/or families and are for the purpose of allowing others to know they are not alone in their walk through grief, to let them know that others have similar feelings, thoughts and/or actions resulting from the loss of a child, and to offer hope to the bereaved. Neither M.E.N.D. nor any of its directors or agents make any representations with respect to the contents hereof and specifically disclaim any implied or express warrants of merchantability or fitness for any particular usage, application or purpose. M.E.N.D. shall not be held responsible for links provided to other sites.
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