What You Really Lose When You Lose a Baby

When you lose a baby in pregnancy, some people act as though you’ve only lost potential for a baby.

You had a near-miss, an almost-kid, a chance to have a baby, but no more.

But you ... You know exactly what you lost: You lost your daughter’s first smile.

The first time your son rolled over.

You lost the look on your sweet girl’s face when Mommy soothed her tears.

You missed the way your son nestles at your breast.

You missed her first steps ... And then every step after that of her running to your arms.

You missed your son burying his eager fists into his first birthday cake, then smearing chocolate frosting all over his cute little cheeks.

You missed the first day of preschool ... Kindergarten ... High school ... College.

You missed every one of his T-ball games.

You missed her honor roll report card.

You missed his first crush.

You missed her daddy-daughter dance.

You missed the excitement on his face when his dad took him for his first drive.

You missed wedding dress shopping.

You missed watching your son become a dad.

You missed your first, second and last grandchild being born.

A whole generation, a whole lifetime of memories, gone ... The instant your baby’s heart stopped beating.

People will tell you you were lucky you were early. But I know and you know ... A baby in the womb is still a baby. They are the same person, no matter how developed they are or not.

So when you grieve, you not only grieve for the weeks you had your baby and then lost ... You grieve for all the days and all the memories you’ll never get to have.

By: Rachel Lewis 


Rachel Lewis is an adoptive, foster and biological mom. She writes about her 5 pregnancy losses, as well as her fostering and adoptive journey, on her blog The Lewis Note. Her recent “I am 1 in 4” article was shared by the Today Show, and various news outlets. She believes that sharing our stories is a powerful way to reach other hurting women and let them know they are not alone.